The more our society advances, sometimes it seems the more we take away from our children. They won’t share the same experiences that we had growing up, and while sometimes that is a good thing – other times it seems we are losing bits of what made us families and friends. Our children are often missing out on 9 special components that made our lives better and our families stronger.
The art of writing Thank You letters
It is a rarity to receive regular thank you letters for small acts of kindness, whether a birthday gift, a lunch with friends, or a shared moment of friendship. There are still those occasional notes that someone of my generation or older manage to eke out with one of those Forever stamps, but gone are the days I remember when it was practically a prerequisite for children to send notes of appreciation. I still try to fall back to my mother’s lesson and teach my children to do the same: if someone was kind enough to take their time or make the effort to better your day in some way, make sure they see it in a Thank You note, neatly hand written. The pace of our world lends itself more to the quickly scrawled, grammatically incorrect short bursts of thanks in an email, text, or voicemail. When we lose the art of the Thank You note, we lose a little bit of gratitude. To whom are you thankful?
Building tree forts and making mud pies
There is nothing that says childhood fun like ravaging the backyard trees with haphazardly nailed boards and filling them with homemade mud pies. My brother and I built countless jungles of sky-high buildings, probably with enough code violations to make a city clerk very busy, but we had eons of fun and learned about gravity and the pain of smashed thumbs the hard way – by falling and smashing our father’s “borrowed” hammer against our nimble bodies. Our parents never worried about too much television viewing time or online predators, just whether or not we would slink out of the trees before dark. When was the last time your child built anything without instructions, a kit, or adult supervision?
Listening to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s stories
I miss those days. Thankfully I have the memories of special times with them that I can pass along to my children. Families used to be closer, both geographically and socially, and we are in danger of raising children without the benefits of their heritage. Do you make an effort to keep close ties with family members, especially those of older generations?
Eating meals together
Drive-thru versions do not count here. It used to be that the norm was being seated around the table, edging each other out for elbow room or the undivided attention of the fellow table-mates. Now families struggle to eat together in the same home, at the same time, on the same day. Family meal times give children not only the opportunities to learn basic manners, but to have unrushed face-to-face time with family members. How often each week do you eat with your family at the table?
Knowing everyone in your neighborhood
Even though I grew up in a rural neighborhood, we knew everyone within a 5 mile radius. We not only knew their names, but knew where they worked, what they like to do as a family, and who served the best desserts after school. My children sadly could not pick out their neighbors in a line-up. We do live in a rural area, but that was not enough of an excuse when I was a child. Do your children really know their neighbors?
Working together on a family project
Cooperative learning begins at home, whether the project is for the good of the household or the fun of the family. Every winter we would chop and haul wood into our home to provide heat during frozen Midwest winters. Yes, I know that makes me sound really old, but I do wish my children had more of that hardworking family time together. When we do work on a project together, it becomes a memorable time for all of us. What was the last project or goal your family worked towards together?
Family road trips – even to the grocery store
Again, it might be my rural background creeping in, but we didn’t just flit around town in the minivan in segregated chunks. We hit the road together in the station wagon, from the grocery store to Grandma’s house. And we were together. We didn’t need cell phones because we were always together, or we were at the neighbors and everyone knew it (and the neighbors). Now I know families who hire babysitters and nannies so they can do their shopping and visiting without taking their 2.5 children along with them. We miss out on family road trip songs, calling shotgun, and learning to fix a flat together. Do you run errands together or fly solo?
Fixing their own things
Perhaps it was because most things didn’t come with a computer chip or software program, but it used to be that if it broke, you fixed it, on your own or with the help of a “buddy”. Fixing whatever it was might take time, but you still persevered and altered your life in the meantime to go without. We now live in a generation of immediate needs and rewards, and in the process have taken ourselves out of the equation for solving many of our dilemmas. Our children are not learning how to do things for themselves or do without. Do you know how to fix your own washing machine, lawnmower, or flat tire? What about your kids?
Being alone
There is an art to being alone and being content with that. There were no emails, voicemails, text messages, or “play dates” to build childhood social skills. Kids were content to play by themselves and explore by themselves. Now it can be rare to find a neighborhood on a Saturday where every event is not a shared activity among kids – t-ball games, bike riding, movie watching, and even video game playing is all done in a group setting. Kids don’t learn how to be their own comforting friend when they are constantly surrounded by preplanned activities with mother selected friends. Can you even remember the last time your child spent one uninterrupted day without connecting with friends?
These are the lost arts and experiences our children are missing. As we make advancements in the social world, our cultures lose a bit of what made them cohesive units of strong individuals. Will you make efforts to keep some of these lost experiences with your children?
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