The time we actually set the table for Oval and Charlie, the intriguing house guests who always graced our home alongside our 2 year-old son, I remember the look on my husband’s face. It clearly said, “Do you think it is time for them to leave?” He wasn’t being a rude host. He was concerned about the two imaginary friends our son created, just as we moved into our new home in a new neighborhood. Actually, he was concerned that the 2 new friends meant that our son was not handling the move and our new living arrangements well. It sounds pretty cliché, but it taught us an immense amount about our children and how imaginary friends are not only common, but should be welcomed guests in our home.
Parents used to be told to be wary of imaginary friends.
It was just a few decades ago that parenting and childhood experts such as Dr. Spock felt that when children created imaginary friends it was a sign that they were lacking an emotional connection or ability to express an emotion. Parents were warned to proactively seek out the negative reasons why their children had developed these friends and work to see them quickly out the door.
Imaginary friends have found their places in our children’s lives.
More recent and thoroughly founded research actually shows the opposite. Studies now show that children who create imaginary friends actually have high levels of creativity, richer vocabularies, and even get along better with their peers. Authors Dorothy and Jerome Singer conclude that children with imaginary friends are not typically those who are ill, socially deprived, or isolated. In their book, The House of Make-Believe they discuss how the imaginary friend is not just for the only child, but is a childhood comfort for more than 60% of young children.
Imaginary friends help children express their creativity, work through emotional situations, and provide some pure and simple fun. Rarely do imaginary friends actually signify emotional, social, or cognitive deficits.
Even if your child has an imaginary friend with a little devious side, it might just be your child’s emotional intelligence trying to work through conflicting feelings. Imaginary friends can provide safe ways for our kids to creatively try out various scenarios where the parameters are fantasy based and lack severe or detrimental consequences.
Years ago we ate meals with Oval and Charlie, included them in our bedtime stories, and indulged our son when he told us they were present. They visited our home regularly, and occasionally we could hear our son speaking to them about his favorite toys, which adventure he was planning, or even what he wanted for Christmas. Even though I was introduced to Oval on several occasions it took me a few weeks to understand that Oval was actually oval in shape and therefor had a challenging time sitting down easily. Charlie was also a unique character, a funny man who wore a fedora and baggy pants. A couple of months after we lived in our new home, Oval and Charlie stopped coming to visit. The comforting memories they gave our son still sit with all of us, including him, and we giggle about how these magical creatures became a part of our family for a short while. There were no lasting detrimental effects, no scars, and no social backward behaviors that developed as a result. It could be my mother’s bias, but I would dare to say that Oval and Charlie were lucky to meet such an amazing young man who impresses me with his maturity and sensitivity, as well as his independent strength. Go welcome your child’s imaginary friend – they too could meet an amazing person waiting to burst forth!
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