What is a Functional Behavior Assessment?

(And Why Does it Matter to My Child?)

Functional Behavior Assessments (FBAs) are probably most often found on the charts in the Special Education department at your child’s school. However, they are great tools for all parents and educators – even for the brightest and most adaptive kids in the classroom – because even those bright and capable kids have moments and phases when we might not be sure how to help them navigate their emotions and their reactions. Even if your child has no diagnosed learning or behavioral issues, behavior assessments are great tools to learn about what makes your child tick – and how you can help him keep ticking on track.

It All Begins with ABC

Often when negative behaviors became disruptive in classrooms, the ABC approach was used in order to determine how to help students be more successful in classrooms. Originally schools, physicians, and parents assessed children’s behaviors on the ABCs of behaviors:

Antecedent (what is happening right before the behavior)

Behavior (what it involved, how long it lasted, etc.)

Consequences (what were the responses around the child, including by people and the environment)

This simple model is an easy and effective strategy for parents to specifically isolate behaviors they wish or need to change in their children. Sometimes we get so overwhelmed with the emotions that misbehaviors cause that we fail to recognize these basic ingredients.

If your preschooler has been throwing toys lately, give the situation the ABC assessment.

  • Are there one or two things that usually happen before the toy-throwing? (frustration with a sibling, awakened from a nap, etc.)  
  • Are the toys being thrown at people? Is it one toy or a whole barrage of flying teddy bears and blocks?
  • Who is impacted by the behavior and how do they respond? (siblings fight back, cry, run away, etc.)

Once you can isolate all of these factors you have a better likelihood of positively impacting the factors and the outcomes.

From ABC to FBA

In 1997 the federal government revised the methods that school officials used to address behavior issues and moved from the ABC method to the FBA – Functional Behavioral Assessment. This new and improved model looks more closely at the relationships between the behaviors and the possibilities for the children to be successful in the tasks at hand. It involves biological, social, environmental, and emotional contributions that all lead to the behaviors and the responses to those behaviors. It is a stepped up model of the ABC approach, but parents can still learn from the basics of this approach.

The FBA plan requires more detailed collections of information regarding the behaviors, including the steps of the ABCs, as well as forming hypotheses about why and how the child receives a payoff. Payoff is an important idea, as kids will pursue behaviors that work. The FBA approach also includes assessing the abilities of kids – do they have the skills and abilities to behave differently? Are there learning disabilities? Are there skills that need to be learned or enhanced? Some of these might just be issues of age appropriateness – as a toddler just might not have the verbal communication skills of a 3rd grader. This totallic viewpoint helps to formulate a plan for success.

Imagine you’re a parent of a child who has learned to yell when communicating in order to get the point of a conversation across, especially when that child is confronted with opposing ideas.

  • What is the behavior that needs to be changed? (yelling as a way of communicating)
  • What new behavior is needed instead? (speaking respectfully instead of yelling)
  • What is the payoff for the bad behavior? (quick attention and control)
  • What are the consequences of the behavior? (parents get upset, friendships are struggling)
  • What usually precedes the yelling? (a disagreement, especially about following rules or ideas of the misbehaving child)
  • Is the child capable of speaking respectfully? (there are no medical reasons for yelling, child can communicate calmly when the situation isn’t confrontational)

Developing answers to the kinds of questions listed above can help parents determine how to use behavior management tools to improve the behaviors. While I’m usually the last one in line to serve up tests and diagnostic acronyms for our children, I do think there can be a lot learned from these basic assessment tools, and they are valuable for parenting all types of kids in varieties of situations. The next time your child repeats a negative behavior, remember to try the FBA assessment. Then just make sure to also provide the LOVE from MOM.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/KYz4C1SLtfY/

Amazing (& Sometimes Hidden) Resources for Parents and Kids

Games, toys, books, and more!

Looking for fun, educational, engaging toys, books, and movies for your kids? The more I speak with parents (especially those who don’t homeschool), the more I am convinced that homeschool parents have found accesses to resources that offer great products for kids and families, no matter where your kids spend their days. So many times people will ask: Where did you get that toy? or Where did you find that? Parents who don’t homeschool are often amazed at the resources available – and in true homeschool fashion – are available at low prices.

Kids are kids, and if you are searching for some wonderful opportunities, toys, and activities for your children, listen to what homeschool parents around the world have already learned. Beyond the shelves of Target and WalMart or within the isles of your local bookstore lies a magical forest of parenting tools just ready for you – and the best part is – you don’t have to homeschool in order to bring these things into your children’s lives.

I shop these places for birthday and Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews, find super ideas for engaging activities with my own kids (and their friends), and keep going back to the enriching options available at various vendors and suppliers. Below are just a few of my favorites I would recommend to any parents looking to add a little something more to the toy box, bookshelf, or conversations in their homes.

Rainbow Resource Center

While this is touted as one of the mainstays of diverse homeschool curriculum, it is far too overlooked by non-homeschooling families. Order the free catalogue to be delivered to your door and you will most likely never have another print item like it, complete with product descriptions as well as user reviews on every product under the sun. The catalogue is absolutely huge – thicker than my phonebook – and filled with great products. More best things about Rainbow Resource – the prices – which are almost unbeatable, and the items are delivered quickly with reasonable shipping fees. Here are just a few of the things you can find (not including the thousands of books).

  • Everything for your toddlers’ dining needs, from kids’ dinnerware to insulated food jars
  • Jump ropes, airplane kits, and walking sticks – everything for outdoor fun
  • Wild Goose 3-in-1 Science kits –kid friendly ways to learn about the world (our favorite was using a magnet to literally pull the iron out of fortified cereal)
  • Baby and toddler toys designed to stimulate and promote good old fashioned play

Khan Academy

Despite the formal sounding name, this innovative online education opportunity is a free extension for your child’s academics and interests. Short video instructions on things like biology, chemistry, history, mathematics, and finance provide lessons and practical applications. Use it for homework help, advanced studying, or just for the simple joy of learning something new.

Brain POP

A worthwhile collection of videos, lessons, and games that help expand on basic subjects, BrainPOP.com is available for older elementary kids, as well as a junio division. You can use the free trial version for a week or pay a marginal fee for membership and extended access. It appeals to kids who learn well through video instruction and online interaction.

Starfall.com

This site is a fun and easy reading encouragement and opportunities for emerging readers. It also offers curriculum for schools and homeschools, but your kids can enjoy the virtual stories as extra reading activities without purchasing the curriculum.

ChristianBook.com

Like Rainbow Resource Center, ChristianBook.com offers loads of products for families (not just those who homeschool). The online store offers a wide selection of products (most with a Christian theme), and I love to shop here for DVDs and holiday games and toys for the kids. Check out their clearance sections and even stock up on school supplies here, especially in the spring when they are clearing their shelves.

Vegsource.com

This is an eclectic (and sometimes confusing to navigate) site that is mainly focused on vegan and vegetarian lifestyles, but it is also where people offer gently used items for sale or trade on the swap boards. The items are offered in order by date listed, but you can search through the list more easily by pressing the “Control and F” keys at the same time to “Find” something. The downside is that the sellers and buyers don’t have ordering controls like on larger scale swap sites, but if you are discerning with your money and ask questions of the seller, you can find great, honest deals.

Online Educator Pages

Go online to some of your (or your children’s) favorite sites and chances are there will be a page or two devoted to educator resources. Even if you don’t homeschool you are still educating your child bit by bit every day. Check out the pages offered – they don’t require a teacher ID for entry – and take advantage of the opportunities to expand your child’s favorite toys, games, and interests. Some of the favorites in our home include:

  • LEGO – the educator website is awesome for ideas for my building boys.
  • National Geographic for Kids – great extras to help extend the ideas the kids find in the magazine or in daily life.
  • Discovery Channel – more great teacher references that are perfect for parents

Homeschool moms are frugal and in constant pursuits of inexpensive, effective, and worthwhile activities for their kids. Whether you homeschool or send your kids to public or private schools, there are great resources that can help you enhance your children’s daily lives. Besides, thing like Wild Goose experiments are just fun to do, even for moms and dads!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/CA_0IdRnv6o/

10 Rainy Day Activities for Kids

That Will Get Them Away from the Video Games!

Spring has sprung and that means the inevitable rainy days where the kids might be moping around and yawning I’m bored. Cure that boredom, without resorting to letting them sit and play video games all day, with these 10 rainy day activities that will get their brains working and their creativity hopping.

1. Comics

Our boys have recently joined at comic creation class, learning about graphic novels, classic comics, and how to create their own. Check out some classics from the library like Garfield, and share in a few laughs. Then encourage your children to write their own comic strip. Our library has great books to help reluctant artists – search for ones with simple line drawings and “basic” or “beginner” titles. If your kids are stuck for an idea, start sharing silly family stories – there is bound to be something comic-worthy in your family history!

2. Puppet Show

Turn socks, paper lunch bags, and craft-stick creations into unique puppets and then throw a blanket over the table to serve as the puppet stage. Kids can create their own stories or you can read to them some fun books and they can develop the characters as puppets and recreate the story on stage. If you have older kids, have them try to create their own marionettes like these.

3. Cards

Sure, you can dive in for the classic games of Crazy Eights, Go Fish, and Solitaire, but also try some new twists. Play mathematics war by turning over 2 cards at a time and the person with the highest sum, or product if your child is practicing multiplication, gets the cards (a subtle way to review math facts). Don’t throw out those old decks, either, because they are perfect for building card houses. You can even hold a card house competition in the living room, challenging children to the tallest house or the one that uses the most cards.

4. Puzzles + Reading

They might not seem like they go together, but throw on a book on CD into the CD player and set up a table space for puzzles. Research shows that it is sometimes easier for kids to concentrate on a mental activity (like following a story line) if their fingers are busy (putting the puzzle together). This is a great way to introduce kids to classic stories they might not otherwise be inclined to choose to read, such as Treasure Island or Gulliver’s Travels. There are tons of modern stories available, too, through bookstores, online vendors, and local libraries.

5. Kitchen Creations

No matter how old they are get the kids into the kitchen! When my kids were really young I would just set out some ingredients – flour, water, seasonings, etc. – and let them have at it. The flour adds a thickening agent that often makes for something moldable for kids. As the kids get older they either follow recipes or get creative and try to develop their own. This can make for some interesting flavors of “cake” in our home!

6. Paper Mache

Mix together water, flour, and liquid children’s glue into a slightly thick liquid. Have the kids shred newspaper into 1 inch strips. Dip each strip into the liquid and then place over a shape made from cardboard, wire mesh, or just a balloon. For a fun twist use a balloon filled with wrapped candy or small trinkets and make your own piñata.

7. Indoor Camping

Get out the bed sheets and let your kids create their own tents in the living room. Chairs, laundry drying racks, and folding tables are great structures to add. Give the kids some flashlights and S’mores made in the microwave, then let the adventures begin.

8. Build a Robot

There are inexpensive and easy robot kits available at stores, but sometimes the best ones are made from scrap. I found this adorable magnetic robot creation online that is a modern version of Mr. Potato Head and perfect for young engineers. If you have a child like one of mine who loves building robots that actually move and seem to interact, Instructables.com is a great place that offers simple instructions. We also found that investing in some inexpensive solar panels for Lego pieces let my son create solar powered Lego cars – a real hit as soon as the cloud clear and the sun shines!

9. Doll Accessories

It’s been a while since my daughter was busy playing with her dolls, but one of her favorite activities used to be to build furniture and accessories for them. Shoe boxes make great beds, and cloth napkins are often a great size for blankets. Your child can take ink stampers and decorate the blankets, or sew on buttons for decoration. You can also find great paper doll patterns here for your little ones – you just might need to help with some cutting.

10. Play in the Rain!

Just because it is a rainy day doesn’t mean you have to stay indoors. Water is sometimes a magnet for kids, pulling them into the cool splash of a big puddle. Have a contest and search for the largest puddles, smallest puddles, and worm tracks. Make paper boats and float them outside, and have kids use rain gauges as they predict and track how much rain is falling. My geeky homeschool mom side would also tell you to share with your kids about the water cycle and come up with a wacky story about Mr. Raindrop who travelled the world and fell in our yard, but that might be going overboard!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/hz-eFzQBE3Q/

10 Rainy Day Activities for Kids

That Will Get Them Away from the Video Games!

Spring has sprung and that means the inevitable rainy days where the kids might be moping around and yawning I’m bored. Cure that boredom, without resorting to letting them sit and play video games all day, with these 10 rainy day activities that will get their brains working and their creativity hopping.

1. Comics

Our boys have recently joined at comic creation class, learning about graphic novels, classic comics, and how to create their own. Check out some classics from the library like Garfield, and share in a few laughs. Then encourage your children to write their own comic strip. Our library has great books to help reluctant artists – search for ones with simple line drawings and “basic” or “beginner” titles. If your kids are stuck for an idea, start sharing silly family stories – there is bound to be something comic-worthy in your family history!

2. Puppet Show

Turn socks, paper lunch bags, and craft-stick creations into unique puppets and then throw a blanket over the table to serve as the puppet stage. Kids can create their own stories or you can read to them some fun books and they can develop the characters as puppets and recreate the story on stage. If you have older kids, have them try to create their own marionettes like these.

3. Cards

Sure, you can dive in for the classic games of Crazy Eights, Go Fish, and Solitaire, but also try some new twists. Play mathematics war by turning over 2 cards at a time and the person with the highest sum, or product if your child is practicing multiplication, gets the cards (a subtle way to review math facts). Don’t throw out those old decks, either, because they are perfect for building card houses. You can even hold a card house competition in the living room, challenging children to the tallest house or the one that uses the most cards.

4. Puzzles + Reading

They might not seem like they go together, but throw on a book on CD into the CD player and set up a table space for puzzles. Research shows that it is sometimes easier for kids to concentrate on a mental activity (like following a story line) if their fingers are busy (putting the puzzle together). This is a great way to introduce kids to classic stories they might not otherwise be inclined to choose to read, such as Treasure Island or Gulliver’s Travels. There are tons of modern stories available, too, through bookstores, online vendors, and local libraries.

5. Kitchen Creations

No matter how old they are get the kids into the kitchen! When my kids were really young I would just set out some ingredients – flour, water, seasonings, etc. – and let them have at it. The flour adds a thickening agent that often makes for something moldable for kids. As the kids get older they either follow recipes or get creative and try to develop their own. This can make for some interesting flavors of “cake” in our home!

6. Paper Mache

Mix together water, flour, and liquid children’s glue into a slightly thick liquid. Have the kids shred newspaper into 1 inch strips. Dip each strip into the liquid and then place over a shape made from cardboard, wire mesh, or just a balloon. For a fun twist use a balloon filled with wrapped candy or small trinkets and make your own piñata.

7. Indoor Camping

Get out the bed sheets and let your kids create their own tents in the living room. Chairs, laundry drying racks, and folding tables are great structures to add. Give the kids some flashlights and S’mores made in the microwave, then let the adventures begin.

8. Build a Robot

There are inexpensive and easy robot kits available at stores, but sometimes the best ones are made from scrap. I found this adorable magnetic robot creation online that is a modern version of Mr. Potato Head and perfect for young engineers. If you have a child like one of mine who loves building robots that actually move and seem to interact, Instructables.com is a great place that offers simple instructions. We also found that investing in some inexpensive solar panels for Lego pieces let my son create solar powered Lego cars – a real hit as soon as the cloud clear and the sun shines!

9. Doll Accessories

It’s been a while since my daughter was busy playing with her dolls, but one of her favorite activities used to be to build furniture and accessories for them. Shoe boxes make great beds, and cloth napkins are often a great size for blankets. Your child can take ink stampers and decorate the blankets, or sew on buttons for decoration. You can also find great paper doll patterns here for your little ones – you just might need to help with some cutting.

10. Play in the Rain!

Just because it is a rainy day doesn’t mean you have to stay indoors. Water is sometimes a magnet for kids, pulling them into the cool splash of a big puddle. Have a contest and search for the largest puddles, smallest puddles, and worm tracks. Make paper boats and float them outside, and have kids use rain gauges as they predict and track how much rain is falling. My geeky homeschool mom side would also tell you to share with your kids about the water cycle and come up with a wacky story about Mr. Raindrop who travelled the world and fell in our yard, but that might be going overboard!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/hz-eFzQBE3Q/

The Heartache of Miscarriage

Coping with the Devastation of Miscarriage

It was one of the most painful, gnawing, and raw weeks of my life. My husband and I lost our baby in miscarriage, and the tumultuous circumstances surrounding that week are etched in my emotions and memories forever. We are not alone. As many as 15%-20% of all known pregnancies end in miscarriage, where the baby dies before the 20th week of gestation. Women all over the world experience this loss, yet it continues to be one of the most prevailing taboo subjects to acknowledge for several reasons. It is time to give mothers and fathers the support they need and the acknowledgment of their losses.

My Miscarriages

Even just writing that is painful – to see those words reflected back at me. The truth of those words are sometimes perhaps more difficult to understand because the loss of a child through miscarriage is often a hidden, reserved, private anguish that parents, mothers in particular, endure. I was the mother of a beautiful baby girl and blissfully 8 weeks along with my second child. I spent the weekend visiting with family and shopping with my sister-in-law for her soon to be born child, as she was 8 months along at the time. My husband and I arrived home and I realized something was wrong. I was spotting – often the first sign of an early miscarriage. The next day my fears were confirmed when my obstetrician said my hormone levels were far too low to sustain a healthy pregnancy – our baby had died.

The Emotions of Miscarriage

The world seemed like a vacuum, sucking my energy and ability to breathe out from within me. I felt the tumbling feelings so many women feel.

  • Extreme sadness over the loss of my child, the dreams for our future, and for the unknown
  • Anger that God would let my child die
  • Failure that I as a mother couldn’t protect my unborn child
  • Inadequacy as a wife to my husband that I wasn’t able to mother his 2nd child
  • Seclusion as people around me pulled away out of fear of saying or doing the wrong thing
  • Jealousy that my sister-in-law would soon deliver her child and she would hold him in her arms

It is that last emotion on this list, jealousy, that would haunt me the most and devastate me more than I ever imagined. I tried to reason with myself that at least I had time to grieve before the birth of my nephew. But in a twist of fate just 24 hours after I found my baby had died, my sister-in-law’s water broke 4 weeks earlier than expected. My jealousy was magnified beyond my comprehension. I remember screaming “It’s not fair!” as we waited to hear about the joy of that birth. However, that phone call came with the unbearable news that her son, my nephew, had died just minutes after birth as the result of an unforeseen medical complication. My body crumbled by the bedside and unleashed a fury of tears, hoarse screams, and heartache.

Reactions to Miscarriage

Still physically exhausted from my own miscarriage, we travelled again – this time for a funeral, just days after the joyful shopping trip of two expectant mothers. I was devastated for her, ashamed of my jealousy, and still mourning my own loss. Never once did my sister-in-law minimize my pain in light of her obvious devastation. But the reactions of those around us reflect the reactions of so many around women who lose children to miscarriage.

Ignoring the loss – Even though everyone at the funeral knew of our loss, most people did not acknowledge it.

Minimizing the loss – Several people comforted me by saying at least I lost the baby early and didn’t go through the entire pregnancy.

Speaking ignorantly – One friend of the family approached me and said that miscarriages are gross – the bleeding – and she was surprised I would attend the funeral in that state.

Coping with Miscarriage

I could barely contain the raw emotions of my heart, and my sister-in-law squeezed my hand as the rain drizzled on us in the cemetery. I didn’t feel I had a right to my heartache. I had no baby to bury. She had to bury her son. Our losses were different, but still unimaginable. The loss of a child in miscarriage often goes unacknowledged by many, not out of coldness but out of ignorance. It is time to give mothers the ability to grieve and receive support from others.

If you have experienced a miscarriage, do what you need to experience and acknowledge your loss.  

Name your baby. On that sad, drizzly day, as rain streamed down the window, I silently named my child Rayne. I could at least then say, “Rayne – I miss you and love you.”

Mark your loss. Some women plant a tree in honor of their child, hang an ornament on the Christmas tree each year, or make a charitable contribution that helps mothers and children.

Speak about your child. It is OK to say you miss your child, miss being pregnant, and are devastated that you won’t hold your child in your arms.

Rely on your faith. Sometimes it is all we have.

Acknowledge the loss of others. It is perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned – to offer support and a shoulder to mothers who lose their children in miscarriages.

Helping Someone Else Cope with Miscarriage

If someone in your life has experienced loss through miscarriage, consider doing more than just waiting for her to signal the next move.

Offer a hug – just as you would if she would have lost anyone else in her life.

Send her a card – a note to let her know you are thinking of her, praying for her, and acknowledging her grief.

Consider a memorial gift – women who suffer miscarriages know of their loss and loss is real to them. Things like a keepsake ornament, angel figurine, or tree planted in the family’s honor are ways to show that you understand this is real.

Ask her what you can do – even if she can’t think of something she knows you are there and are willing.

Miscarriage is devastatingly lonely and final. I did go on to have a healthy 3rd pregnancy with my husband which resulted in our handsome first born son. A year after his birth we were thrilled to find out we would welcome another child into our family, but again, lost our baby through miscarriage. The ultrasound technician was deafeningly quiet as he searched for a heartbeat, and I begged him to tell me what was wrong. He said he wasn’t allowed to give diagnoses, but touched my hand and said he thinks moms just know certain things. It is the look I wish I never had to learn. Miscarriage most likely has touched someone in your life like it has mine, and is something either you or someone close to you has experienced. It is OK to treat it like the real loss that it brings to a mother’s heart.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/LStc5aj2u_I/

15 Fun and Easy Earth Day Activities for Kids



15 Fun and Easy Earth Day Activities for Kids

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Throw a party for Earth with your kids on April 22nd – Earth Day – with these 15 easy ideas for celebrating the natural environment of the world. This day of recognition began in 1970 with the first Earth Day celebration, a time that marked a slow evolution in learning more about the environment and our places in it. Teach your kids about their surroundings and how to Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle with these family friendly crafts, recipes, and activities that will help you celebrate Earth Day (any day).

  1. Make cloth napkins and rings as gifts for family and friends. This Earth friendly gift will get everyone thinking about their use of common household products and encourage them to make and keep instead of buy and throw. Take cotton (you can even use pillowcases) fabric and cut into rectangles or squares approximately 15” x 15”, fold the edges under twice and hem, or cut with pinking shears and just sew a zigzag seam along the edge. Little ones can take old (clean) shower curtain rings and decorate with beads, pipe-cleaners, and stickers to create napkin rings.
  2. Visit an arboretum or greenhouse with your kids and explore a new world of plants and flowers. The arboretum near our home has everything from exotic plants to native grasses, and you can visit no matter what the weather outside is doing.
  3. Help your children refinish a bookshelf, desk chair, or toy box for their room. Sand off the old finish if needed, grab some spray paint, and bring old furniture back to life. Kids love to paint – let them try stenciling designs or using bubble paint to write their name across the piece.
  4. Make pine cone birdfeeders. Have kids spread peanut butter over the cones and then roll in pans of bird seed. Hang with yarn outside near windows where the kids can bird-watch.
  5. Make Earth Day cupcakes. Prepare a white cake mix as directed and separate into two bowls. In one bowl add ½ of a 3 ounce package of dry (lime) green Jell-O mix and stir, and to the other add ½ of a 3 ounce package of dry (blue raspberry) blue Jell-O mix and stir. Add one tablespoon of each mixture into cupcake liners and bake as directed for cake.
  6. Challenge your kids to go for a day without using electricity. Cook on the grill, use candles in the evening as you play a family game of cards, and head for a hike in the woods instead of to the television or computer.
  7. Plant a tree or flower together. If you don’t own ground space for one check with your local nature center or city office to see if you can donate and plant one as a family.
  8. Send the kids on an Earth Day treasure hunt. Make sure that you include clues that will lead them to discover outdoor features such as anthills, bird nests, puddles, and anything else in your neighborhood or yard.
  9. Clean the ditches or a neighborhood park. Kids are impacted when they do. I know that after ditch cleaning with my children they are much more conscious of how litter affects their environment.
  10. Go bird watching together. Grab some binoculars and a bird identification key from your local DNR office. We also have bird call recordings that help the kids identify the birds based on the sounds of the calls.
  11. Sleep under the stars. Kids love camping and there is no better way to get them in touch with nature than to tent it for a night with them.
  12. Make a picture frame from nature. Take the cardboard from a box of cereal or other similar item and use it for the base, then have your child add twigs, acorns, dried flowers, and bits of grasses to create a natural photo frame (these make great Mother’s Day gifts, too!).
  13. Make edible mud in a bucket. Take a new/clean sand castle bucket or plastic flower pot and add chocolate pudding, a layer of crumbled chocolate cookies, and then sprinkle a few gummy worms on top for an edible and sweet desert.
  14. Read books about taking care of Earth. Some great titles include: The Earth and I by Frank Asch, Big Earth, Little Me by Thom Wiley, and The Curious Garden by Peter Brown.
  15. Make a pet rock. Kids love to scour the ground for the perfect specimen. Have them add wiggly eyes, yarn hair, and painted smiles. Everyone in the family can create a pet rock and then take turns telling a story about the life and times of their rock – where it has travelled, what it has seen, and what it has learned about Earth.

Maybe it’s because I’m a child of the 1970s that sometimes I feel like a hippie-at-heart, but Earth Day isn’t just for throwback hippies. When we teach our kids about caring for their environments we teach them about empathy, community awareness, and social responsibility. All that from some mud in a bucket and my pet rock named Susie.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/14e-5x57Sis/

Does Your Teen Need a Job?



Does Your Teen Need a Job?

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Why Working Now Translates into Brighter Futures

Our family has crossed the threshold and there is no turning back – our oldest teenager is now gainfully employed with her first “real” part-time job. I admit it is a bittersweet time for me as a mother as we move from a family that has been able to adjust our schedules together and take advantage of opportunities for adventures together. Now those adventures will have to work around work for our oldest. But as my husband said when she asked him if he thought she should accept the job offer: You’re a teenager and you’ve been offered a job doing something you enjoy – take the job.

Teenagers Who Work Have Brighter Futures

According to a recent report, teenagers who work part-time are building benefits that will pay dividends in the future. However, employment is not always easy to find, and it appears not all teens are pursuing employment options. Almost 1 out of every 4 teens ages 16 to 19 were unemployed in February of 2012 in the United States, evidence of the climbing unemployment rate for teens of 23.8%. To compare that, a decade ago or so that rate was at or below 15% among teens.

These rising numbers do not comfort market analysts. Heidi Shierholz, a market economist describes how the teen unemployment numbers are reflective of the national employment numbers and unfortunately, are indicators of future economic problems for these teens as they enter adulthood.

  • Working teens boost their future income potentials. High school seniors who work part-time were 7 or 8 years later more likely to earn more than 10% above the salaries of their classmates who did not work as high school seniors.
  • Teens who don’t work tend to become adults who use state and federal assistance programs.
  • Teens who work part-time are more likely to achieve higher levels of education beyond high school.
  • Teens who work part-time feel more dependable and responsible, translating into higher self-esteem and motivations to continue succeeding.
  • Teens who work build important life skills, even as basic as teamwork and prioritizing strategies.
  • Teens who work learn effective communication skills and job-seeking strategies.

The Problems with Teens in the Workforce

I have a hard time recalling not working as a teen. I began babysitting when I was just 10 years old, working 45 hours a week as a sitter during the summers until I turned 16 when I got my first “real” job in retail. As a teen I never really considered the negative impacts my work might have on myself and those around me. However, research and my own experiences as a mom show that while teens benefit from employment there are pitfalls for which we and they need to be prepared.

  • Teens who work more than 20 hours a week are at higher risks for school dropouts.
  • Teens who work part-time often have less family time (this is one thing that is most difficult for me as mom to embrace).
  • Teens who work part-time tend to have more disagreements with their parents, perhaps because of increased struggles for independence or stress levels for teens.
  • Teens are less likely to contribute to daily household chores.
  • Young adults and adults in the workforce during a recession need those jobs in ways different from teens.
  • Teens who work are more likely to suffer sleep deprivation and to experiment with tobacco and alcohol.

Helping Teens Find Good Jobs

In our home it is expected that effort is put forth when you are ready – and this is no different when it comes to the job market. We have encouraged our children to look for work that allows them to build some basic skill sets, provide money they can learn to manage, and helps them to work toward their individual goals. Along the way we have watched them and their friends struggle with finding work and have seen firsthand how teens can find themselves in the minority of the working teen class.

  • Begin volunteering at an early age. It teaches life skills, practical skills, and gets you involved with community members.
  • Broaden your horizons. Working as a teenager shouldn’t be miserable loads of expectations, but especially in this economy teens need to learn to start small and build from there.
  • Feel the freedom. For teenagers this is perhaps one of the only times in life when the status of employment won’t affect the possibility of the next meal, ruin the mortgage payment plan, or risk healthcare for the family. Encourage your kids to take advantage of the freedom from these responsibilities and take time to try job markets that might otherwise not be considered.

It was a surreal experience to proofread my child’s job applications and résumé, but it was also an empowering experience for both of us. As a parent I realized I had done sufficient effort to prepare her for the job market, and she realized that she does have contributions she can make. Those part-time jobs for teens are important steps on the big staircase of life and I am excited to watch as my children navigate their paths.

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Good Parents Know How to Criticize Well

The Value of Constructive Criticism for Kids

What is one of the best gifts you have every given your children? I recently read an article by Anthony Kane, MD which says that criticism is one of the best gifts we can provide for our children – far above any toy, gadget, or activity. Now I’m not suggesting that you go and slam your children’s attempts and achievements with the thought that it will only make them stronger. However, I do agree with Kane and others who speak of the benefits of teaching children how to handle criticisms without crumbling.

Why is Criticism Good for Kids?

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes – children and adults alike. Criticism teaches children self-control, helps them learn from their mistakes, and teaches them how to do better in the future. These are lifelong lessons we can all use in our lives. Children need us as parents to guide them to make better decisions; it is one of the most important jobs we have as their parents.

Professor Frances Stott of the Erikson Institute, a nationally respected graduate school with a focus on child development, fears that children are losing the important ability to accept criticism and use it to enhance their lives. Stott feels that this loss can be attributed to two things:

  • The increasing child-centered method of parenting founded on the priorities of making children happy.
  • The environments some children face where they are devalued and rejected within their family units.

According to Stott, by age 5 or 6, children have the cognitive abilities to understand that they are surrounded by people and groups of people who are observing them – judging them. Even though this sounds harsh to some, the reality is that effectively living in a community group necessitates the ability to relate and react to the ideas and opinions of others in the community.

Family psychologist Aaron Cooper agrees with Stott and says that if we as parents don’t set limits and boundaries we are failing them. Even though kids (like anyone else) don’t like to hear what amounts to criticisms, these average and typical moments of adversity help build resilience. Cooper even goes on to say that the current generation of 20-somethings are evidence of the failings of child-centered parenting. They are not good team players at work, have less motivation to pay their dues, and tend to stay less in their employment positions because they are consistently waiting for the job that molds to them and their wants instead of constructively working toward a common goal. The child-centered childhood rears itself as an unsatisfied-adulthood.

What is Good Criticism?

Commonly referred to as constructive criticism, proactively responding to our children and redirecting their behaviors, actions, and efforts requires a balancing act. Cooper, Stott, and Kane all agree that providing criticisms for our children is necessary (although not always pleasant or well-received) and it teaches them how to effectively respond to the criticism of others. The characteristics of constructive criticism include:

  • Focusing on the behavior or action
  • Respecting feelings
  • Delivering a clear message
  • Offering opportunities to make amends
  • Learning to move forward

Focusing on the behavior or action reiterates to your children than you find them fantastic, but maybe a specific action needs some adjusting.

Respecting the feelings of your children is reflected with the first step of focusing on the behavior as needing changing – not your child. It is also important to speak with kind words and criticize things that have a realistic likelihood of being able to change. If your child is consistently leaving a mess in the living room it is important to focus on the mess (which can be changed).

  • Respect your child by
    • Offering criticism in private – no one likes to be called out in a group setting and it only adds to the negative feelings
    • Avoiding labels – stay away from lazy, boring, clumsy, etc. as these are not constructive
    • Letting go of past behaviors – no one wants to hear how they always make those same mistakes – move forward with constructive ideas

Delivering a clear message is paramount to children understanding how they can make improvements. Simply telling them they aren’t doing a good job doesn’t give them enough information.

Offering opportunities to make amends doesn’t mean your child necessarily owes you amends, it means that they need the opportunity to do better. You can begin by asking your child for ideas how he thinks he might do better next time, and then you can offer your own ideas if appropriate. If your child doesn’t get the part she wanted in the school musical you can talk with her about ways she can practice more before the next audition or take more lessons. These are ways kids can tangibly work toward improvements instead of feeling resentment they didn’t get the part.

Learning to move forward is vital to success, and it takes strong character to move beyond the initial hurt that criticisms might cause. Unfortunately if the criticisms are delivered in unproductive ways it can be harder to move beyond them. Sometimes the best lesson you can teach your child is how to read criticism and know if they are valid or the results of someone venting. There are times in life when we won’t be able to please, no matter what, so we need to learn to move forward and place those criticisms in the “junk mail” folder of our brains.

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Bring a Smile to Your Child

Easy Tips to Chase Away a Bad Day (the kids’ way)

Study after study shows that laughter is perhaps one of the best medicines. Give your kids lots of opportunities to laugh with you with these easy ways to get your kids smiling.

Have you ever just had a bad day? Our kids can have bad days, too, when they might disagree with friends, have challenges at school, or just feel down in the dumps. Sometimes those negative feelings just seem to rub right off onto other family members – but before one pair of crabby pants ruins the whole load, try some easy Blue Busters to help get your kids smiling once again. They don’t require a lot of supplies, but they give back a lot of smiles.

Blues Busters

Drive-In Theatre (with cardboard boxes)

Give the kids cardboard boxes and markers to decorate them, then line them up in the living room and let the kids watch a cartoon, a movie, or even a home video. Each “car” can be adorned with glow sticks curved in circles for headlights. Add in some popcorn and let the fun begin.

Vent Balls or Splat Balls

My children each just received these as random gifts from my parents – and everyone from the youngest to the college freshman think these are hilarious. Throw them on the floor (not at the ceiling as my daughter discovered) and watch them splat and then retake their shapes. These are the kinds of silly toys that just make kids (and adults) smile, and are worth the 99 cents they cost.

Backwards Day

On one very hectic, rather crabby day in my home I needed a way to turn all of the sour faces around. I declared Backwards Day – an instant success. The kids ate dessert first, and ate it under the dining room table. They switched their clothes backwards, wrote their assignments backwards (flexibility of homeschooling, but could be fun for other things around the house), and tried to speak backwards.

Giggle Chain

This one requires at least 3 people to work well, and can work with as many as you can fit on the floor. Everyone lies down on his or her back and places his or her head on the stomach of another, using it as a pillow for the back of the head. The first one in line should be an easy, boisterous laugher. Then let the laughing begin – and just try not to laugh. It really is infectious!

Random Instructions

This is a silly take on “Simon Says” and I usually use this approach when I just need to get one of my kids out of a funk. In a serious tone I might ask him to pick up his shoe. Because he is in a funk he usually doesn’t catch on right away that he’s getting the Random Instruction of the day. Then I start adding on various instructions that make no sense when added together. Raise your left leg. Ring the doorbell. Touch your finger to your ear. Sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. I just keep adding on things until the giggles take over.

Tactile Trinkets

Some children react better to tactile stimuli and interaction, and really respond well when they get to manipulate, touch, and feel something in order to chase away the blues. Try these easy recipes for gooey fun.

Homemade Play Dough

  • Ingredients: 1 cup of flour, 1 cup of water, ½ cup of salt, 2 Tbsp. Cream of Tartar, 2 Tbsp. oil, food coloring
  • Instructions: Mix ingredients in stovetop pan. Cook until thickened over low heat. Cool, knead, and let your kids explore. It keeps in an airtight container for weeks!

Homemade Pouty Putty (our version of Silly Putty)

  • Ingredients: 2 cups of white glue (stock up on school sales), 1 cup of liquid starch, food coloring (optional)
  • Instructions: Put the glue in an old plastic container (if you are using food coloring, add it now). Pour in the liquid starch slowly, stirring constantly. Keep stirring until it comes together like putty. If it is too sticky you need to add more starch and stir again. It should become a rubbery, stretchy material. Store it in an airtight container.

We are all entitled to those days we wish we could just crawl back under the covers and have a do-over. But in real life, do-overs rarely happen, especially not easily. Sometimes the best things we can do for our kids are just find ways to laugh with them. How do you get your kids to turn their frowns upside down?

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Let Your Kids Make Their Own Chore Charts



Let Your Kids Make Their Own Chore Charts

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Effective Teaching: Motivation Charts Designed By Kids

Gold star stickers and smiling faces are the hallmarks of chore and motivation charts that encourage kids to do anything from make their beds in the morning to be kind to their sisters during the day to finish their homework at night. One of the main criticisms of chore charts, however, is that they don’t really teach children very well and they set children up to expect rewards for things that they should being doing every day – like brushing teeth. These things should have intrinsic value to children – they want to do them because they recognize the value in these things.

This idea is a feel-good way as parents we might wish our children viewed the world. Unfortunately, by the time our kids are old enough to logically understand the real consequences of not brushing teeth, it might be too late for good oral care and they could look forward to gumming their high school lunches. There are just some things parents need to teach children have value, even if kids aren’t able to fully understand that concept yet. This doesn’t mean I think that everything needs to be laid out in a chore chart, deserving a sticker for anything short of breathing. I’ve used chore and motivation charts with my kids with great success, but I also created a twist on this old method with great results.

Child Designed Chore Charts

In an effort to make sure that my kids were taking responsibilities for their actions, I used motivation charts, but instead of handing them neatly arranged rows with detailed listings of expectations, I gave them blank graphs with only the days of the week. It was their turn to create their own charts for things they felt they needed to put more effort into in their daily lives. We had conversations about what might be on the charts and I included some guiding words.

  • This is the opportunity to set real goals (we started with 3 goals).
  • The goals need to have daily accountability.
  • Choose at least 1 goal that is for personal satisfaction (i.e. work on baseball swing), and 1 goal that benefits the family (i.e. clearing the table after dinner). The 3rd goal can be any other goal that parents and child agree upon, but should be contributed by the child.
  • There needs to be ways that accomplishing daily goals will be measured, especially if some are less obvious (it might be spending 15 minutes extra practicing baseball swings each day).
  • Recording these daily measurements of success needs to be clear – i.e. one sticker for clearing the table.
  • Choose if there will be rewards other than accomplishing the goals and what those might be.
  • Decide what, if any, the consequences will be for not reaching daily goals.

Benefits of Child Designed Chore Charts

As kids begin to feel the true responsibility they are developing, the intrinsic value will be increased. When my kids created their own chore charts, there was no reward needed for completing a week – they felt that accomplishing their goals was the best outcome. Encouraging kids to take ownership of their responsibilities and create their own chore charts teaches them several lessons.

  • They learn about goal setting and measuring success when working toward goals.
  • They develop accountability.
  • They learn about contributing to a larger cause such as the family and home.
  • They learn that their choices have consequences, both good and bad.
  • They are valuable members of the family. When they have to develop their own family-benefiting goals it develops a deeper sense of belonging.

Sure – some kids might want to put the easiest tasks on their charts and see this as an opportunity to get out of responsibilities. However, many times kids willingly take on challenges like this because they are constantly striving for a little more independence, and this gives them a good opportunity to direct their own independence. I believe that kids for the most part are trying to do what they think is best – motivation charts can help them make plans for how to contribute and be their best selves, especially when they design them.

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