Help Your Child Adjust to Change
Change is the inevitable component in life. The inevitable for many parents is also the stress and anxiety our children feel as they deal with changes in their routines, plans, and traditions. Everything from moving to new neighborhoods, changing schools, to altering family traditions can be stressful for children and lead to misbehaviors or family problems. Change isn’t the problem. The problem is when we fail to teach our children the tools needed to handle change.
Countless times I’ve found myself watching my children fret over the unknown during a change in their lives. It is normal for them to feel afraid or anxious over the change occurring. Kids can be especially reliant on predictability, and when that comfort is taken away from them during times of change, their stress levels can go through the roof. The result might be your own stress and negative reactions soaring along with theirs.
While I might have the foresight to logically understand that my children’s worries are sometimes unfounded in likelihood or perhaps exaggerated, that doesn’t matter. It is more important that I teach my kids to acknowledge these feelings of fear, anxiety, and stress when presented with change than it is to prove to them they have nothing to fear.
I talk with my kids about the changes and try to get them to communicate their emotions to me verbally, which is sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes it means me talking from a non-threatening viewpoint, such as sharing about my own experiences and how they made me feel. This needs to be done in a way that is not condescending and leaves room for them to add to the conversation with their own emotions and ideas.
As parents we also have to be in-tune with the nonverbal cues and sometimes not subtle clues our kids give us as well.
- Fidgeting and restlessness
- Crying
- Clinging to comforts (blankets, people, toys)
- Withdrawing from otherwise typical/normal situations
- Fighting with friends or siblings
- Angry outbursts or attitudes
These are all similar signs of depression, so if you ever feel that your child is suffering from something more serious, don’t hesitate to speak with a professional.
The ultimate goal is to teach children how to deal with change without having the change detrimentally affect their lives. Open communication about their fears is the first step, but giving them tools for adapting to change is also important.
Help them imagine possible outcomes for the change. If the change is a new school, talk about various possibilities for the first day of school. Don’t paint everything to be a rosy picture, but be realistic in expectations.
Help them plan possible solutions for problems the change might bring.
Use tools such as books like Harry the Happy Caterpillar Grows: Helping Children Adjust to Change. This teaches through positive reinforcement that change is not only OK, but it is often wonderful.
Highlight the positive outcomes that could potentially result from the changes.
Remind your children of other changes that have occurred and have had beneficial outcomes, despite similar feelings of fear or anxiety.
Be present and consistent. The stability that you can offer will be extremely important in helping your child deal with change. Predictable patterns and comfort measures will help provide security while learning to adapt to the larger change.
Set a good example. Recently our family has seen many changes, especially in regards to our family holiday traditions. While I was as disappointed as anyone that our family traditions would change, I knew that if I melted in front of my kids and threw an adult tantrum that I would send the absolute wrong message. Instead, I had to practice what I preach and find ways for us to make new traditions together.
I still wish we could all be together for the holidays, but I look forward to developing our own groove and seeing the kids get excited about new possibilities. Change is inevitable and beyond much of our control. Teaching our kids how to positively deal with change and adapt to change is a priceless skill we can give them and ourselves.
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