Stresses on families come in many forms – job losses or changes, illnesses, changes in family dynamics, and a whole host of other situations can make life challenging. In the more than 16 years I have been married, my family unit has travelled down these (and other) tumultuous paths. Sometimes it feels like there is a tipping point, but then somehow the ships rights itself and we move forward, together, more resilient than I might have given us credit for along the way.
This balancing act that our families go through is what researcher Reuben Hill referred to in 1949 as the family stress theory. Hill developed this theory after studying the effects on families after loved ones served in WWII, specifically when a father or son was reported as a Prisoner of War (POW) or Missing in Action (MIA). This theory is formulated on a model, known as the ABCX model, that details 3 factors. These 3 components include:
A – the stressor event
B – the family’s perception of the stressor
C – the resources of the family to deal with the stressor
X – the likelihood that a crisis will occur
A New Family Stress Theory Model
Since Hill’s research and theory developed, other researchers have built upon this foundation, including Wesley Burr and authors Hansen and Johnson who wrote Rethinking Family Stress Theory: Definitional Aspects. From this compilation of further research, a new model was formed, the Double ABCX Model, where family stress is defined as an imbalance between demands and resources for families. This model includes:
A – an accumulation of stressors
B – efforts by the family to find resources
C – the definition by the family of the imbalance
X – the results of the family’s abilities or inabilities to cope
There has been much debate over the last 30 years regarding whether or not these models accurately depict the stresses that families face and the process they go through when dealing with stress. Part of the contention with these models is the definition of crisis. Within the Double ABCX Model the definition assumes that crisis means a family is unable to prevent change, while opponents would argue that a crisis comes when a family can’t change.
Our families face stressors. Some of us view certain events as stressful, while others have different ideas about the roots of stress in families. It appears apparent in much of the research that while each family might define stressors differently, there are things all families can do to try to build stronger, closer, more resilient families.
Be a team. Teach your kids to have each other’s backs, and make sure you do the same thing for your spouse. When you create a sense of loyalty within your family you are more likely to be able to turn to each other in time of need. Family can be your biggest resource when facing stress and a potential crisis.
Have faith. Research shows that faith is a positive influence in the lives of families and can promote healthier lives. The healthier the individuals are who share a home, the less stress they are likely to face. Recently I had to tell my children some sad news about the health of a close family member. Everyone was silent at first, but then my youngest simply said, “I think we should pray.”
Expand your definition of family. Sometimes creating a strong, resilient family means moving beyond the bounds of shared surnames. Bring people into your lives who will be resources of positive forces and help your children feel safe and secure – this doesn’t have to be a blood relative. I was recently helping my kids work on a family genealogy project, and my son asked where a dear friend of ours fit in to the tree. I later relayed to our friend how my son considered him family and wanted to know where he belonged on the family tree. He said he was the tree house – connected and a lot of fun! When kids have strong people in their lives, they have more resources for finding coping mechanisms.
Teach your kids to adapt. One of the important pieces to both versions of the family stress theory models is the ability of families to adapt to changes. If your child resists change, start by focusing on the good that changes can bring to your life, but don’t just dismiss the bad. Help your child to see that there are many times when we don’t always like all of the parts of change, but we need to see beyond these and focus on ways to move our lives through the rough spots.
This process of adaptation needs to start when our kids are young, in small, incremental steps. If your 5 year old was supposed to go to a birthday party but got sick instead, avoid the full-out tantrum-crisis of sadness by helping her adapt to the new situation. Acknowledge that it must be sad to miss this party, and then talk about other parts to that change in plans. Talk about how it will give her an opportunity to celebrate with her friend another time, and maybe how she would get to pick her favorite movie to watch with you. Don’t forget to remind her of the need to respect the health of others by staying away from them while we are still actively sick.
Change is an unavoidable part of life, but we can do things to help our children be prepared for changes. The difference between change that causes our children to go into crisis mode and change that allows them to grow can often be found in the skills for adaptation that we help them develop.
Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/1afhZQW5qns/