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The Going Rate for Moms

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, or mom who works outside of the home, you still carry the unofficial job title of Mom. This most important job title, however, is rarely seen with the respect that is deserves when it comes to the actual workload that it includes, especially if that job title of Mom isn’t preceded by another formal title. No matter how far society has come (or gone), there simply is not a high level of honor placed on the Mom title – it is placed on Technician, Doctor, or Administrator. Anything but Mom.

Experts in wage compensation over the past decade have been looking more closely at how much a mom’s time is worth, using some of the most common tasks as a base guideline. Moms do work as doctors, nurses, office assistants, janitors, teachers, and more every day. They just don’t get paid like it. Research shows that moms, no matter if they work full time out of the home, part-time from the home, or are dedicated full-time stay-at-home moms, all work roughly 97 hours each week when everything is calculated.

You can actually use a salary wizard to calculate, based on how many hours each week you spend as an employee, a mom, and in between, doing various tasks, what your Mom Paycheck would be if you had to hire someone else to do those same jobs. While you can’t cash the check in the bank, perhaps you can cash it in your mental bank for those times of self-doubt when you might wonder how much exactly you are contributing. Better yet, print a copy and casually leave it behind on the living room table for others in the house to see!   

The Energy of Moms

What can’t be calculated easily, however, is the mental energy required of a mom who is tasked with managing children and a family. While I know there are some amazing dads out there who have in many ways taken on the traditional role of Mom, statistics still show that moms are bearing the brunt of the family responsibilities, even when they work outside of the home.

Statistics actually show that of the estimated 98,000 dads who stay at home, only 16% do so to care for children (illness or disability account for 45%, inability to find a job is 11%, and 9% because they are going to school). Compare those with more than 88% of the more than 5 million mothers who stay home doing so to primarily care for their children. So, sorry amazing dads who take on the role of caring for kids – I know you are out there, but on this one I’m just going to focus on the moms.

Moms who stay home and take on the full time job of caring for family and the home, and those who also take on the role of work-at-home mom (yes – redundant), might be faced with the challenges of proving their worth. Add to the imbalance that the tangible jobs like driving children to 3 different practices each day don’t include the unseen. Moms are often also charged with the mental components of motherhood, some of the most difficult and time consuming parts of the job.

Examples of Moms’ Mental Energy

• Planning for well-baby check-ups, high school sports physicals, and bi-yearly trips to the dentist
• Being aware of the deadlines for extracurricular sign-ups, Girl Scout cookie orders, and science fair registration
• Making sure the kids get new gym shoes, haircuts, glasses for school, and the right kinds of snacks for class parties
• Knowing how much TV time is too much, where the rest of the socks disappeared to, and when was the last time the goldfish tank was cleaned
• Remembering to purchase “just in case” trinkets and gifts for teachers, birthday parties, and coaches
• Meeting and remembering their children’s friends and their friends’ parents, where they live, and which ones have allergies to the dog or the pizza you might serve

OK – so I know that these seem frivolous and perhaps insignificant, but they represent just a minute fraction of the kinds of information that mom are expected to carry with them, remember for instant recall, and act upon. Dads can do it – they just aren’t expected by society to do it at the drop of a hat or the blink of a child’s eye. The next time you wonder if your work as a mom is worth it, pull out your fake Mom Paycheck and take a deep breath. The work is real, the challenges are definite, and the rewards are absolute. At the end of the day the reason why moms don’t get a paycheck is because their work is priceless.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/j-mVJrInvJ8/

Get Your Kids in the Kitchen

Tags: cooking, cooking with kids, family time, following recipes, healthy eating habits, kids in the kitchen

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We live in a fast paced world filled with drive-thru windows and online ordering at the touch of a button. While convenience is, well, convenient, it can rob our kids and our families of healthy time together. Somehow ordering a quick meal doesn’t mean we have more time as a family. It means we are in a hurry to get somewhere else and need to eat with our sodas balanced between our knees as our teen practices her driving. It’s time to step back into the kitchen with our kids and follow a good recipe for healthy families. It’s not just about the food – it’s the time, energy, and lessons that we share.

From Mud Pies to Manicotti – Kids of All Ages Can Cook

Pots, pans, and wooden spoons seem to be favorite toys for many toddlers – maybe because they can make lots of noise with them, or maybe because they know that there is something magical about mixing and stirring to create a delicious masterpiece. Whatever the reasons, cooking in the kitchen with kids of all ages is a great activity with numerous benefits.

• Children can develop healthier eating habits by learning to prepare meals with real ingredients, instead of learning to zap something in the microwave.
• Cooking with kids gives parents the opportunity to meet two important needs: preparing a meal for the family and spending quality time with their kids.
• There are lesso0n in math, science, health, reading, and more waiting in the kitchen. Kids can learn to measure, calculate, read labels, understand chemical reactions of ingredients, and gain an appreciation for an important life skill.
• Home economics isn’t just for high school. When kids learn to help shop for ingredients, calculate serving sizes, and adjust recipes as needed they are developing a necessary skill for their future.
• Kids can use their imagination and creativity in the kitchen, with everything from designing place settings to coming up with their own recipes.

Fun Ways to Cook with Kids

• Give them free roam in the kitchen and encourage them to make their own recipes. This might mean a sticky mess of flour, water, and pickles, but it is a step up from mud pies!
• Let your kids plan the menu for a family meal. Older kids can either take turns each night or work together to come up with a 3 or 4 course meal.
• Invest in some plain aprons and have your kids decorate them with fabric paint.
• Shop with your kids and show them how to read labels and select ingredients.
• Check out kid friendly recipe books from the library. These usually have great pictures to help those visual learners.
• Have a theme night – Italian, Chinese, or maybe Mexican cuisine. Talk about the origins of food and how food is related to culture.
• Let the kids decorate the table, coming up with centerpieces or decorating plain table runners.
• Give each child a placemat to decorate. This can be as simple as having them color a picture and laminating it, or you can purchase plain placemats that they can decorate. Older kids can even make cloth napkins.
• Let your kids choose some music to play as you cook together – it can help set a fun mood for everyone.
• Plan a special night where your kids invite neighbors, friends, or extended family over for a meal they help prepare. Older kids might be more inclined to learn new cooking skills if they have a friend to share in the fun. Our oldest once invited her friend over so they could attempt together how to make crepes. They had a great time and we enjoyed a wonderful dessert.

Back to Basics

If you’re a parent – life is busy. Your family needs time together and your children need to eat. Bring your lifestyle back to the basics by sharing in some fun family time in the kitchen. Working together to prepare meals is a great way to relax at the end of the day, while still meeting family needs. Even if it is just one night a week where you work together to share a meal, it can help your kids develop a stronger sense of family and enable them to survive on more than PBJ and drive-thru meals.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/K3RY6zGr-Tw/

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It is an emotion that children feel, and parents deal with the consequences – frustration. Have you ever watched as your child tried to do something, only to be blocked somehow, and the frustration was visible on his face? The eyebrows start to furrow, his snose scrunches up in strange contortions, maybe the lip curls, or his fists start to clench and unclench. Frustration is setting in full force, and a full-on burst of anger might not be far behind.

Maybe we need to do more to help our children learn about why they are frustrated, saving both of us from the negative consequences of unacknowledged emotions. According to Dr. Jim Taylor, a clinical associate professor at the University of Denver and a specialist in the psychology of sports and parenting, parents need to help their children identify frustration and head it off at the pass before it begins a negative chain of emotional events. Easier said than done, right? Dr. Taylor gives some tangible ways parents can help their children deal with frustration without losing their own cool, and it begins with understanding the ideas behind emotion coaching.

Emotion coaching is the proactive approach parents can take to teach their children about emotions and how emotions work in our lives. By acknowledging emotions, giving them names, and validating them in our children when they are experiencing them, we are beginning the process of emotion coaching. Dr. John Gottman is the premiere expert on emotion coaching, breaking down the process of coaching into 5 steps, including helping them find resolutions when needed.

One of the intriguing points that Dr. Taylor points out to parents about frustration is the key relationship it plays with anger and despair. He describes a chain reaction of events, beginning with frustration left unresolved, moving to anger left unresolved, ending in despair. Repeated experiences with despair result in children who use an internal shut-off valve to stop themselves from trying things or setting goals.

If you have kids, you more than likely have seen their frustration levels fluctuate at certain points. Frustration can actually be a very positive emotion. It can be the trigger for problem solving and the motivating factor for finding a better way. When kids face frustrations, they are forced to find new ways to reach their goals. Problems occur when parents don’t acknowledge this frustration or teach their children how to acknowledge it.

Children simply do not have all of the skill sets required to solve all of their problems, so there will be situations where they are simply unable to reach their goals. Parents sometimes add to the problem by encouraging their children to just try harder. If the goal is unreasonable, we are just setting our kids up for increased frustration. Dr. Taylor warns parents to be observant of their children’s goals and be aware of the possibility for achievement. The reality is that trying harder is not always going to get our kids to reach their goals. Sometimes it is a matter of maturity, available resources, or environmental factors beyond their control.

If you see that your child is becoming frustrated to the point of moving onto anger, help your child acknowledge the emotion of frustration. Use phrases like the following with your kids:

It looks like you’re getting frustrated. What is it that you are trying to do (or accomplish)?

When I get frustrated I take 10 deep breaths and think about how I can try something new to solve the problem I’m facing.

What do you think are some ways you could create a better ending to this situation?  Statements like this one help even young children envision success. Once they can clearly see what their end goal looks like, it is easier to see how they might get there.

Maybe it is time to take a break and try to figure this out later when you feel calmer. It is important to give kids the option to take a break or adjust their goals.

Dr. Taylor reminds us of this important ability to recognize when it is time to take a break. For young kids this might even be a break to go run around outside and play. For older kids it might mean taking a day off from the task at hand and pursuing other more enjoyable activities. These breaks give kids the opportunities to find successes elsewhere and help reinforce that they can reach goals. Diversion is sometimes the best medicine for frustration overload.

The ability to take stock of the situation and adjust the goals is something that even adults have difficulty doing. We can help our kids learn this skill by encouraging them to look at the task in smaller chunks of success. Focusing on smaller goals can sometimes help reach the bigger picture while avoiding the overwhelming frustration that comes when one large goal can’t be met. If one or two small goals aren’t met, it doesn’t have to necessarily mean that the whole idea is a loss.

There will also be times where a positive break away from the situation will not be possible and creating smaller, more manageable goals will not help the situation. Make sure your children are able to give themselves permission to walk away and try something new another day.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/L4JpN_ZIk4k/

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The Thin Grey Line Between Adult and Teen Conversations

If you have tweens or teenagers you have mostly likely had a debate or two with them about curfew, choices in academics or friendships, or even politics and religion. These are your children with whom you struggle to lead without smothering, and into whose hearts you try to impress your values and expectations. How do you handle it when their same-aged friends attempt to have these same discussions with you – the adult and the parent of their friend?

As my children have grown older I have noticed a trend that I know didn’t exist in my circle of friends when I was a youth – tweens and teens questioning and challenging the parents of their friends. I have been on the receiving end of these discussions, from everything to religion to finances, and it never ceases to surprise me that children are so comfortable engaging adults in debates about topics that were once taboo. While I am the first proponent of raising independent thinkers and children who stand up for their values, there is a grey line that keeps appearing in my relationships with the friends of my kids, and between other children and adults. When is it OK to debate and discuss certain topics with children, especially other people’s children?

Ways to Disengage from the Conversation

I recently had a 14-year-old friend of my kids question me about my views on creation and evolution, when he knew our views wouldn’t agree and wanted to debate me on several points. Times like this make me pull from my box of, “Get out of Discussion Free” cards.

• “There simply isn’t enough time to get into all of those interesting details before I get you back home.”
• “I think those conversations should be held with your parents present – I wouldn’t want to influence you in a way that they feel is wrong.”

Or the blame it on age one…

• “When you are my age or I am your age we could have that discussion.”

Frankly, I don’t expect my kids to be questioning their friends’ parents in ways that incite disagreements. More importantly, I don’t think that adults should be having these conversations with kids without the involvement of the other parents. Certain things are just off-limits when it comes to appropriate conversations to have with the friends of your children.

Dangerous Topics for Discussions with Teens

First of all, let me be clear that these are discussions that parents should be having – with their own children. The issues arise when adults choose to discuss these topics with the young friends of their children. There are certain topics that are on the thin grey line when it comes to things we as parents should be discussing with the friends of our children. Some of these that might cause tension include:

Religion – For many families religion is a core central belief that develops over time as a process of parents sharing ideas, morals, values, and beliefs with their children.

Politics – Political values and opinions are often tied with religious and moral beliefs within families.

Sex – There can be nothing more difficult for parents to discuss with their children than sex and intimacy and all that it entails. The foundation for those discussions often rest heavily on the foundations of religious and moral standards.

Gossip – Whether it is about the neighbors or the science teacher, gossip is that ratty, unbecoming of ragging on others without giving them the opportunity to respond.

Now consider these topics and consider another adult discussing them with your children, without your knowledge, input, or consent. If it makes your skin creep just a little as you wonder what they might be saying, that is the thin, grey line between appropriate and inappropriate conversations. Make sure you remind your kids, too, about the real world differences between their viewpoints as a child and those of the parents of their friends. Chances are your kids aren’t ready to hear all of the reasons why another adult has her or her viewpoints – there is a lot of lifelong learning that goes into forming these opinions and if you’re OK with your child proposing the debate, you need to be ready for how the other adult might answer. I’d love to hear from other parents on this topic!

• Do you think it is OK for the friends of your children to engage you in tense debates?
• How do you feel about adults debating with your children?

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/tROU2U-rlxQ/

How to Work at Home with Teenagers in the House

Tags: surviving working at home with teenagers, teenagers, work-at-home, work-at-home mom

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Working at home while parenting teens can be just as challenging for moms as working at home with toddlers. Someone recently told me that it must be easy for me to work from home now that all of my children are out of the preschool stage and can occupy themselves without constant supervision. I wish. Sometimes the teenagers in the house are more of the concern than the elementary age kids. Yes – there are certain things that are safer and easier to do while working at home as the older kids run through the house. I don’t need to stop to change diapers, I’m not concerned with waking the baby from a nap, and I can turn my back for more than 5 seconds (well – sometimes). Surviving as a work-at-home mom of teenagers still has its challenges, though, and some days those challenges might leave you longing for those days rocking infants in your arms while you work at the computer.

Survive Working At Home with Teenagers in the House

A door that can be closed – and explicit instruction for what that means. The kids are finally old enough to entertain themselves for a short amount of time and it is safe to close the door. A closed door signals that the person on the other side needs quiet concentration – preferably uninterrupted. If you regularly close your work space door, even when you’re not working in there, use a door hanger like those from a hotel to signal that, “Mom is working – do not disturb.” Make sure you only use this signal when you are actually working. You don’t want the kids to find out you use it to take naps or chat with girlfriends online!

Plan for the inevitable. If only it were that easy to close the door, though, right? A closed door is not the end to the range of interruptions you might have as a work-at-home mom. Teenagers have their own unique ideas about what constitutes emergencies, such as gaining permission to go out with a friend, finding the right football socks in the laundry, or which foods can be consumed by them and their friends that evening. The key is to be proactive and try to plan ahead for as many of these situations as you can. Give a run-down of available snacks and check in to make sure you know where everyone will be and with whom. Then allow for 1-2 acceptable interruptions that you know will just happen.

Be clear about what your job means – to them. Teenagers are still kids, and sometimes it is easiest to explain it in terms that will matter to them. If you work at home so that you can pay for them to do extra things like music lessons, make sure they understand the effort you are putting forth and their roles in the success of your work. Maybe you work just because you love it. Explain this to the kids, highlighting that everyone in the family has their opportunities for their passions. If your son loves to play football, promise him you won’t come running onto the field during a game to ask if he put his laundry away if he won’t run into your office every 3 minutes looking for his game charger.

Tips for the Tough Days as a Work-at-Home Mom

• Invest in military grade ear phones – seriously. I am wearing my brother’s pair from his days as a tank driver right now. They allow me just a few degrees lower on the outrageous decibel scale that kids can create.
• Make a trade. You get your two hours to work peacefully, and then you can drive them to where they need to be. It is completely reasonable that you have responsibilities for work and your kids need to respect those boundaries, especially if they are also looking for your time and energy.
• Instill the zone rule. Clearly define the spaces around your work space that need to remain noise free. You don’t need a stampede of kids running by your doorway or playing Guitar Hero on the other side of the wall.
• Give in. Not for the entire effort, but just for the moment. When you teenager comes in and doesn’t have an emergency, but just wants to talk, that is a moment that you have to suck up like a vacuum gone wild. Just like you didn’t want to miss those first words she spoke as a baby, you don’t want to miss out on what she might want to share as a teenager on the cusp of adulthood. Take a 10-20 minute break and soak it all in because you might not have the same opportunity next week. It is better to take that break and hear what she has to say than to escort her to the door. You’ll still wonder what she wanted to talk about and she’ll miss out on connecting with you, both of these things that can’t easily be replaced. In order to help separate the idea of work and family time, leave the work space to talk with her. This helps to more clearly define the difference between the two and you won’t be distracted by the workload before you.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/gZlv7IbKt6U/

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While it might sound like an outback experiment in mothering, kangaroo mother care can be defined as using regular skin to skin contact between a mom and her child. Using this strategy helps to mimic the warm and swathed feeling of the womb, comforting your new baby. This technique is a natural step in the breastfeeding process and can be very beneficial for both mom and child.

Renewed Focus on Breastfeeding

There is a pendulum swing again in the conversation about which type of feeding is best for your baby. For hundreds of years the mainstay option was breastfeeding. Then along came the ability of and interest in women spending time away from home, working, socializing, and being active in their communities while still being moms. In order to accomplish these other goals, moms turned to formula to supplement or replace breastfeeding.

Recently hospitals have been taking second looks at their roles in encouraging or discouraging breastfeeding, the method that is still recommended by pediatricians to be the most complete nutrition for babies. For decades hospitals in the United States have been sending home diaper bags with new moms, provided by formula producing companies, complete with starter formula kits for new moms. These same hospitals are now moving to more neutral ground, supplying moms with general information about newborn care. Hospitals are also encouraging skin to skin contact, or kangaroo care. After my own children were born our hospital staff encouraged kangaroo care to help regulate their tiny bodies’ temperature levels and promote breastfeeding.

Supportive Breastfeeding Strategies

As the healthcare industry begins to recognize that breastfeeding is possible with supportive strategies, even for busy moms who work outside the homes, it is important to keep in mind the basics that help mothers find success in breastfeeding, especially through kangaroo mother care. Some proponents of kangaroo mother care recommend almost continuous skin to skin contact, allowing for a diaper and hat for the newborn, and using a swaddle wrap to hug the baby to your chest. Others who use or recommend this method feel that it is more important to implement the strategy of regular, but not necessarily constant, skin to skin contact.

Starting Right

As soon as babies are born it is important for them to have skin to skin contact with their mothers. This helps regulate the baby’s body temperature and soothes her after the birth process. Fathers can also participate in this practice, although newborns are sometimes more sensitive to their mothers’ sounds and scents. This close contact is the foundation of the kangaroo mother care technique.

Whether the birth occurs at home, in a hospital, or a regional birthing center, keeping babies close to their mothers will help facilitate the kangaroo mother care approach. Mothers in close proximity to their infants will be more likely to quickly learn the subtle signals their newborns are making and be able to respond, implementing the kangaroo care style of interaction.

Sometimes new mothers find it challenging or awkward to begin breastfeeding. It is important for moms to relax and remain calm during the process. Breastfeeding rarely happens like in the movies – in one swift move the mother miraculously nurses her child for the first time in one flawless motion. The reality is that this is new for both of you and it will take time to figure out what works best.

Even if you are unsure about whether or not you will exclusively breastfeed or formula feed, taking time for skin to skin contact will help create that special connection between you and your child. It may even lead you to nurse when you see the reaction from your newborn.

Successful Breastfeeding

You and your baby will go through phases of success and frustration in breastfeeding. Don’t give up! Try using kangaroo mother care where you repeatedly place your child on your chest, allowing her to root around.

• Talk with a lactation consultant at your local hospital.
• Contact a La Leche League consultant to share your concerns and work on a new strategy.
• Talk with your child’s pediatrician and form a plan together.

Breastfeeding has numerous benefits for moms and babies. Getting to the point where it is a relaxed and natural feeding method is not always easy, but patience and persistence are required to get there. The kangaroo mother care approach is just one more way to connect with your baby, forming a close bond that supports breastfeeding and improved health for both of you.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/9fhOh_K3TmY/

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Sometimes it feels like the world is shrinking. We are more connected and our lives more intertwined than ever before in the history of the world with people from countries, continents, and cultures that we might never travel to see. Our children are growing up in an era when globalization is not only booming, but without the tools to interact on a global scale, our children could bust. Fortunately there are several things we can do to raise children who are globally conscious and engaged in more than just the neighborhood. You don’t even have to travel the world over to raise a child who is active in the world. Yes – your little pumpkin can have global reaches and participation without stamping a passport.

Expand Your Book Selection

Whether you are choosing picture books for your toddler or chapter books with your 9 year old, take the tiny extra effort to find books about other countries and cultures. Exposing children to books that have characters of varying looks, practices, and lifestyles helps to expand their global vocabularies. Make it a point to search for authors from other countries as well. Poetry is a good way to introduce older children to culturally diverse authors, and some of your favorite classics were probably written by someone who lived across the ocean. Research even shows that children can develop deeper levels of empathy when they are exposed to the characters of fictional writings. Reading fiction books about characters who live in foreign countries exposes children to real world global experiences and might also just help your child to be a better citizen.

Talk More – Especially in Foreign Languages

There are really not many excuses any more for waiting until high school or even college to learn a second language. Programs online, home curriculum plans, tutors, and community classes are all over the country waiting for the sponge-like brains of children. The younger a child is when exposed to foreign languages, the easier it often is for them to learn the new language.  Exposing children to foreign languages is a natural step in exposing them to foreign cultures. It will also make it that much easier for your adult child to assimilate into the global community.

Infuse Geography into Your Home

Don’t keep the globes and maps tucked away on a bookshelf or in a closet. Even for the discerning eye for home décor there are globes and framed wall maps you can use to decorate your space and surround your kids with the world. If you’re a little more relaxed in your decorating schemes, place an inexpensive globe on the end table where your kids can easily reach it and use it. Create placemats out of maps and use floor maps for the travels of childhood toys like cars, trains, and even stuffed animals. Integrating geography into playtime and everyday life is an easy way to teach kids about the corners of the world.

Bring Culture Into Your Home

Bring other parts of the world into your home by hosting an international or foreign exchange student. In our community we have a university campus that works to place international students with host families. The students still live on campus, but we act as the “local family”, spending time with the international student, sharing customs and traditions, and learning from each other. Last year we met a wonderful young woman from Bangladesh who introduced us to her corner of the world, and we taught her about some American traditions, like jack-o-lanterns and farming.

If you can’t bring someone into your home, create your own international nights you celebrate as a family. Together do some research about specific countries and then put together an evening that celebrates what you have learned. Try new foods, listen to new music, and have the kids make some table decorations to coordinate the evening. My kids love to sit on pillows on the floor and experience Asian dining traditions or invite friends over to attempt making crepes for everyone.

Use Your Mouse

The internet has provided an unparalleled opportunity to learn about other countries. You can Skype with someone half-way around the world, have instant access to breaking news in another country, and have email pals (new-age pen pals!). Help your kids connect to the world through these and more online possibilities. The world is really waiting at their fingertips.

While we might not know what paths our children will take, we do know that their world is more interconnected than ours ever was. Make sure you also talk with your children about the struggles and triumphs of others around the world. Famine, natural disasters, and political unrest can be frightening for some kids to consider, but keeping communication open is essential for learning about the world around us. Teaching our kids to be socially and globally aware will help to ensure that no matter which paths they choose, they won’t be afraid to go further than their own front door.

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3 Tricks for Good Study Habits

Tags: education, effective studying, good study habits, kids studying, learning, study habits

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If you’ve ever watched your child study for a test, you know the effort that goes into memorizing and remembering information, often to be regurgitated for exams and promptly forgotten. Good study habits are about more than completing homework on time and with the required components. Studying, the act of preparing for tests, familiarizing oneself with new information, and truly learning information, is one of the most important skills that students need to acquire. It is a life skill that will transfer to multiple areas of your child’s life.

3 Tricks to Master Study Habits

While you might have been encouraged as a child to stay at your desk and study for hours before a test, new research shows that the way our kids study needs an overhaul. Encourage your kids to try some new tricks to master positive and effective study habits.

1. Don’t have them stay at their desk for endless hours studying their material. Your child’s comfort level will impact his studying ability. If he wants to hang out on the floor or in the tree fort – let him! Make sure that he has enough energy to study, too – provide apples, fruit juice, or water – long lasting energy boosters will help him stay alert (avoid the caffeine!).
2. Don’t designate only one study area. Fascinating new research shows that when we study at different locations, are brains are taking in subtle differences about our surroundings. If our son only studies Algebra in the dining room, his brain might somehow actually relate the information he studied to the environment of the room. When he goes to take his Algebra test and the lighting is vastly different, his brain might actually have a more difficult time recalling the information.
3. Don’t have your child study one subject at a time. Studies are showing more and more that the practice of interleaving, where you move back and forth between 2 or more topics, helps to reinforce and solidify the information. Students in one research study were given math equations. One group learned the new math equations and then practiced them repeatedly. Another group practiced the new, reviewed the old, practiced the new, and so on. When it came time to take the test, the students who used interleaving outperformed the others 2:1. The reasoning for this appears to be twofold. 1. There is more time in between new items, so the brain is learning and relearning gradually. 2. The new task is learned amid other information so it was integrated into the brain more effectively. When the tests asked questions that were unrelated to the new information it did not throw off the abilities of the students.

The Difference Between Homework and Studying

Studying can be difficult for children because it is foundationally different from homework. Homework refers to a prescribed goal given by a teacher, where a series of tasks need to be completed or a project pursued. Studying, on the other hand, involves a child training his own brain to retain information. It might be for a test in school, but studying is also valuable for other things like extracurricular and job scenarios. Knowing how to focus and appropriately use time is one of the most valuable skills you can teach your child.

A professor at the college my daughter attends once said that in his experience there are two kinds of students who tend to do really well in college: those who were homeschooled and those who play the piano. These types of students have learned over the years that personal dedication and independent work are needed to reach goals, and have gained the abilities to remain focused on the goals, even if a teacher isn’t telling them to do so. Perhaps there is also success because homeschooled students tend to have more flexibility with where they study – the living room sofa, desk in the bedroom, library, or even the minivan while driving to countless field trips. You don’t have to completely covert and become a homeschooler like me (although I love it!) or move a baby grand into the living room to help your child learn better study habits. Just try these 3 tricks with your child for more effective studying.

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10 Tips for Raising Smart Shoppers

Tags: consumers, help kids learn to shop, money mangement, raising smart shoppers, shoppers

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If you’ve ever shopped with a child you have probably heard the pleas for the toy at the end of the aisle, the snack strategically placed in the check-out lane, or the cereal with the dancing bears on the box your daughter just has to have (who cares what’s inside when the box is so cool?). Shopping is a life skill that your child will eventually need to learn, and they get their cues from us during those early years when we constantly say, “no” while we hurl the cart through the store in efforts to escape without going bankrupt.

Raising smart shoppers starts early and is about more than just the grocery bill. Everything from food, to household items, to homes, and cars are all items your child will most likely consider purchasing at some point. Especially if he likes to eat. Start early and be smart about the shopping lessons you teach your child.

1. Take your child shopping. Often. I am always intrigued when I meet parents who practically refuse to take their children with them into the store, usually because they don’t want to hear the whines for treats or they want to zip through without stopping to gape at everything. Firsthand knowledge and experience is one of the strongest ways we have to teach our children, on any subject. When they shop with us they get a front row seat to the options on the shelves, the choices we make, and the experience of being a customer.
2. Shop together and engage your child in the shopping experience. Even young toddlers are aware of their surroundings enough to help you look for specific items on your list. I usually find that including my kids on my mission not only keeps them occupied, but the tasks I give them while shopping help them to become better shoppers. Even if the most we do is talk about the store decorations, communicating while we are shopping is important. Wandering the aisles is also a great time to point out marketing strategies, like putting everything fun, cool, and awesome right at the eye level of kids.
3. Make a list for you, and one for your child. I will usually take one large list for me, and then assign each child a few items from the list. Perhaps it will be their favorite foods or ingredients for their sleepover snacks. When we make shopping lists we can focus our attention on the items we need and our kids learn how to prepare before ever going into the store.
4. Compare prices and have your kids help you do the math. My kids find it a game to see which item is the better priced item, maybe getting more ounces for less money. They have also learned to check brand names and expiration dates, important factors in prices and whether or not the larger quantity will actually be a better deal. My 12 year old son loves to comparison shop between different brands to find the most economical choice, while still getting the quality we want or need.
5. Teach them how to read labels. Show them how to find out how many servings are actually in the box, and whether or not it actually has the ingredients that you want and need. This goes for more than just groceries. When you take kids clothes shopping, have them read the labels and make sure they know how to care for the items and whether or not special soaps will be required (or Heaven forbid – dry cleaning!). When shopping for games or anything electrical, check to see if batteries are included, and how many will be needed. All of these extras factor into pricing.
6. Take your child shopping with you for big ticket items. Tweens and teens might be the ones clamoring for the big screen TV, so bring them along to ask questions, determine quality and price ratios, and be witnesses to your informed decision. If you are in the market for a new vehicle, include them in the process so that they learn to understand how the process works and become better prepared for their own future purchases.
7. Teach them how to be good customers. I have a hard fast rule with my kids that they need to be respectful of the store or business in which we are shopping, and excellent customers for the salespeople and employees at the checkout line. If my kids want to know where something is in a store or have a question on an item, I have them ask the clerk themselves, politely requesting the information they need and thanking them for the assistance.
8. Give them a time-out rule for purchases. When my kids go shopping with me (which is usually every week), they know that spontaneous purchases can lead to lost cash. We encourage our kids to plan ahead for those fun purchases like collector cards or toys, and to think ahead of time about the purchase for at least 3 days. If they simply walk into a store planning to spend the $5 that has singed its way through their pockets, they will spend the $5, no matter what, often causing buyer’s remorse.
9. Discuss manufacturing with your kids and how it affects your purchases. Kids are smart – readers can already tell you that most of their toys are probably made overseas. Talk with them about why this is so, including the costs of manufacturing in different countries and labor laws and regulations. Bring into the conversation why quality matters, especially for certain purchases, and how to discern whether or not an item is worth the price.
10. Give them some money. OK – hopefully they can earn it somehow. It is really important that your child have even a minimal amount of cash with which to experiment – either saving, sharing, or spending – or hopefully a little of all three. Something magical happens when the money being spent is their own, and the lessons you have been teaching come full force to the check-out line. Suddenly they go from asking for everything to weighing their options carefully. And if your child is a spender, there is no faster lesson than to teach a child you can’t buy something when your pockets are empty.

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Tips for Raising Respectful Children

Tags: obedience, raising respectful kids, respect

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One of the greatest gifts we can teach our children is how to be respectful. It is a gift because one of the ways we can best teach it is by giving it to them, and when we respect our children, we open a door of wonderful possibilities in our relationships with them and their place in the world.

Can respect really do all of that? Absolutely. Respect is not the same as obedience, where children make decisions and choices because of the consequence they might face as a result, or because they have learned that they simply have to follow the rules.

Respect Begins at Birth

Respect is not a tangible or black and white guideline for parenting and life. It is a set of behaviors, reactions, and attitudes that we must begin to instill in our children from their earliest days with us. The best way to teach a child how to respect others is to respect your child and others in your life. You begin doing this when your child is still an infant by:

• Respecting her need for food, even at 3 in the morning when you are exhausted
• Respecting her need to snuggle, even though you have already snuggled for 23 hours today
• Respecting her need for conversation, even if it is one sided and she just wants to hear you sing

Respect and the Growing Child

By reacting to our infants with respect for their needs, we lay the basic foundation for them to offer respect to others. As our infants grow and develop we can continue to show them respect through our own actions.

• Be polite and use basic manners yourself, such as please, thank you, and excuse me.
• Demonstrate concern for the welfare of people, animals, and the environment.
• Listen to your child, maintaining eye contact and responding when appropriate. This might seem like a no-brainer, but how many times do you see parents less than half-listening to their children tell them about their day? Is that how you want your child to listen to others?
• Make certain you say what you mean and mean what you say, demonstrating your reliability to your child and those in your lives.
• Parent fairly. Don’t jump to conclusions, but instead hear out the concerns and words of your child before make a decision or reaching a conclusion.

Respect and Teenagers – Is that Even Possible?

While these might all seem like simplistic ideals that we might think we already do on the surface, chances are most of us parents can improve on these in their own lives. As our children get older, it might seem harder to give them respect when they misbehave. Here is where the important distinction lies. Keep separate your reactions to their mistake or misbehavior and how you treat them as a person. Respect is a proactive way of treating others, while discipline for misbehaviors is a reactive way to deal with poor choices. You can continue building a mutual relationship of respect with your tween and teen in several ways.

• Believe in your child and support his dreams. If he wants to become an astronaut, help him find out how to do that someday.
• Teach your child about goals by working toward some yourself. Share with your child how you plan to make sure you are able to complete a project or achieve your goal of running in your first race. Better yet, find goals you can work towards together!
• Talk with your child openly when you see instances of disrespect. Sometimes the easiest way for kids to learn something is for them to see someone do the opposite. Ask your child why he thinks the way the child at the mall was disrespectful – engage his sense of critical thinking and empathy and you will help him develop respectful behaviors.
• Respect your older child with rules that they understand. For example, if you have a rule that there is no computer from 5:00 to 7:00 on weekdays, make sure you also explain that this is because it is family time and homework time, two important values in your home.
• Give your child the freedom to make choices and create their own small steps toward independence. Doing this shows respect to them that you believe they can make decent and appropriate choices. It might not be easy to let go of some of the control, such as letting them choose their own wardrobes, hairstyles, or room décor, but it is better to choose some small changes you can live with a smile than to fight every step of the way. Neither parent nor child will feel respected this way.

When you teach your child to be respectful by giving them respect, you also do one of the most valuable things a parent can do. You help instill self-respect in your child. This self-respect allows our kids to not only treat others well, but to be strong enough to handle life when others don’t do the same in return.

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