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Have you ever watched your child and had that moment of realization that they are copying your every move or voice inflection? Our children are so often small reflections of ourselves. They mirror us in so many ways, good and bad, but we sometimes forget the power and influence that modeling behaviors have on children. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard from the kids “But Dad did it!” only to hear my dear husband say, “I was just showing you what not to do” with a grin.

Not only are our kids tuned into our every move, but they absorb the actions and words of those around them, especially people who they perceive to be in charge or important. Not only do kids learn from our unintended behavior modeling, but we can use the knowledge of that in behavior modification to help change their bad behaviors into better ones (even if we were the ones who modeled that bad behavior in the first place!). This form of behavior modification is also an effective way for us to help our children face their fears and get over them without letting them negatively affect their lives.

I’m not talking about anything that has to do with the catwalk or designer labels. Behavior modeling as a form of behavior modification is using the influence of a model to develop a behavior. We do this from the get-go with our babies, encouraging them to talk, play peek-a-boo with us, and clap along with us to the baby boogie. Just as we use modeling for fun and engaging activities, we can use modeling to help encourage positive behaviors in our children. You might also hear of modeling as observation learning, imitation, vicarious learning, and social learning.

By observing the patterns of behaviors of others, a child can learn about appropriate models of behaviors. A child might observe someone display compassion and empathy for another in pain, and in turn display those same positive emotional responses in their own situations. Some children with strong fears can reduce or eliminate their fears by repeatedly observing someone else have positive interactions with the feared object or event. Children in school are consistently learning through modeling – if they see someone reprimanded for running in the halls, they don’t have to actually run in the halls to know what the consequence might be. If a friend is teased for wearing a purple fedora, your child learns that purple fedoras aren’t in this year unless you want to be teased as well.

Children model their behaviors after parents, teachers, friends, and even those who they don’t personally know such as celebrities or even a character in a book. Modeling tends to be more powerful when the model is significant to the one observing. Siblings are also powerful models because young children often spend so much time with their siblings that they truly do learn from one another.

How Can I Use Modeling in Behavior Modification With My Child?

Just as with so many other parenting techniques, modeling is most effective when used in conjunction with other approaches, such as positive reinforcement. Studies have shown that children are inclined to model the behavior of adults and people in authority. If you want to find a way to get your child to be more responsible with basic chores, modeling proactive behavior yourself is the first step. If your bedroom is always in disarray it will be difficult to convince your child to keep her own clean. For behaviors that are more challenging, such as a child’s fear of swimming, providing reassuring examples of kids having fun in the water is important. Don’t place any pressures on the situation, just allow your child to observe the safety and enjoyment of a positive situation. Let him play near the shore or edge of the pool, watch siblings or friends having fun, or you simply standing in the water. This is not the time to constantly ask him to join you – you and others are only modeling that swimming is fun for those in the pool – without any pressures to join at that point.

Combine the modeling with other behavior modification approaches, such as positive reinforcement, to most effectively utilize this method. At some point when your child decides to change his behavior or reaction, reinforce it with positive responses. Guide your child’s participation in a reaffirming way without pressures, but also be careful that you create a balance. If you try to hand your son the moon and stars for a small progressive accomplishment, by the time he actually reaches the goal you’ll be out of rewards. Sometimes, too, children react to rewards by stopping progress. Let your child feel the reward in his own behavior – a boost to his self-confidence.

Behavior modification through modeling is a lifelong process we go through as parents. Sometimes we forget the value of our actions and those with whom we surround our children. Modeling is truly a parenting lesson in the company we keep, and that includes the company we give of as ourselves to our children.

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Help Your Kids Fight Their Fears

Tags: anxiety, behavior modification, behaviors, childhood fears, fears, modify behavior. systematic desensitization, overcoming fears, phobias

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Snakes, spiders, the dark, and thunderstorms all seem to have magical powers to frighten children and elicit shrieks, shivers, and meltdowns. If you’re like me, at least one of your kids has developed a fear of something along the way, and finding a way to help them overcome the fear is not always easy. Thankfully enough years of parenting four children has given me experiences that have allowed me to find ways to help calm their fears and worries and grow to be stronger, braver people. One of the most effective ways of helping them cope with their fears is with behavior modification, specifically systematic desensitization.

Behavior Modification and Systematic Desensitization

It’s a mouthful, right? Behind this string of psychology infused words is a practice that you might be doing already, but you didn’t know had such a fancy name. Basically, behavior modification is the process of modifying behaviors through small steps of change and influence to change undesirable behaviors into positive, desired behaviors. The use of systematic desensitization is just one technique of behavior modification.

Systematic desensitization is the process of breaking down a feared activity or feared situation into smaller, more manageable steps. Depending on the severity of the fear, it can start out with as small of a step as necessary to allow the child to make progress without sending them the message that they aren’t brave enough to reach the end goal.

Perhaps the best way to describe what systematic desensitization is would be to tell you about my son and the dreaded dentist. I admit upfront that I played a negative role in his development of his distrust for the dentist’s office. Before he was even two, I had a dental procedure done and actually ended up biting through my tongue, which left me unable to speak clearly for a few days and I was in some pain. Unfortunately, my son was just weeks away from his check-up, and soaked it all in that dentists equated to slurring speech and mouths that were almost too sore for bedtime kisses.

We arrived at the office for his appointment and getting him in the chair was easy, but getting him to open his mouth was impossible. I discreetly explained to the hygienist why my son was apprehensive (I didn’t do it within his ear shot because I didn’t want to validate his fear for him).

The dental hygienist (a wonderful woman!) used a systematic desensitization approach. That day’s visit was all just about checking out the chair, the mirrors, and the cool toothbrushes she had on her counter. No one touched my son’s teeth, but he did give them a big smile at the end of the visit. We waited two months and took him back in where we went through several of the same steps of looking at the equipment and smiling for the hygienist, and moved to letting her brush his teeth. By the third visit we were at a full fledge little guy dental cleaning. Yes – it took more efforts than just one visit, but it’s not like I could just allow him to refuse to see the dentist forever, and holding him in the chair and all but forcing him to cooperate would have only reinforced his fears and distrust. This clip isn’t from my dental office, but does show the same approach being used elsewhere.

Help Your Child Overcome Fears

• For fear of bugs, snakes, and other creatures, start by stories involving them, picture books, and board games. Gradually move to seeing one in person, perhaps at the pet store or other place where the creature won’t be able to touch your child.
• For fear of the dark use some comforting items and gradually decrease the amount of light present. In our nursery we used to have a dimmer switch on the light so that we could adjust it according to the needs of our different children. Nightlights aren’t the only option. Gradually increase moments that your child spends in darker environments – reading at bedtime by soft light, snuggling with you just by the light of sky coming through the windows – create comforting feelings where the dark is not a scary factor.
• Fear of thunderstorms, tornadoes, and other weather extremes is common, but can be helped by highlighting the smaller incidences. When it rains, talk about the great things that rain can do, and how about sometimes there is thunder and sometimes there is not. Read books about storms that help explain to kids what thunder is. Calmly go over building rules for tornado safety – but don’t wait until the stress of the storm is already occurring.

Some Don’ts for Your Child’s Fears

• If your child expresses an extreme fear, don’t say, “It’s OK” as they cry in your arms. You are telling them that their fear is warranted. You can acknowledge their fear and then make attempts to gradually make progress.
• Don’t force your child to do something they fear – it will only increase their anxiety. This is known as “flooding” and can cause greater harm than good.
• Don’t tease your child about their fears as it will just increase the stress about the specific activity or object.
• Don’t give up. Helping our kids keep moving forward is one of the best things we can do for them.  Small steps might take longer, but they still lead to the same destination, and usually result in happier, more confident children.

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12 Tips to Keep Kids Healthy This Winter

Tags: healthy kids, keep kids healthy, kids and germs, sick kids

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The holidays are a time of giving, and unfortunately sometimes cold and flu germs seem to be the things our kids give the most of at this time. We are spending more time with friends and family, travelling, shopping at the malls, and sharing close quarters indoors, and it can be really hard to keep our kids healthy. Flu season just happens to coincide with the holiday season and keeping kids healthy is no easy task. They are grabbing Christmas cookies off of platters and wiping runny noses on their sleeves (some more than others!) during caroling. It’s time to keep the germs away so the kids can play!

1. Invest in small, portable instant hand sanitizer bottles. They have cute rubber bottle holders that can clip to backpacks, key rings, or coat zippers. My kids are more apt to use these if they have their own and are easily accessible.
2. Teach hand-washing as if it is the most amazing activity in the universe. If your little ones aren’t quite at a point yet where they do an adequate job, use the singing trick or tell 3 knock-knock jokes. Have your kids sing the happy birthday song to themselves, the ABC song, or anything that keeps their hands moving for at least 20 seconds. I liked to distract mine with silly jokes – they would be so intent on thinking of the answer that I didn’t have to be the hand-washing police – they kept moving their hands as they thought of the punch line.
3. Pack the tissues – everywhere! You can buy those mini packs of tissues or just take some snack size zipper seal baggies and keep refilling them. Toss them in backpacks, coat pockets, and the glove box. If your child will be spending time outdoors, add a few more for the inevitable winter runny noise. Teach your child when she is not sick how to blow her nose. When the time comes for her to need to know that skill, she might be feeling crabby and have a sore nose, so every time you “help” her it will only irritate her sick little body.
4. Teach your children to cough and sneeze into the crooks of their elbows if tissues aren’t available. This keeps the germs off of their hands and blocks a fair amount of it from zooming to the kids sitting next to them. If your child must use his hand, teach him to immediately wash his hand or use instant sanitizer before touching anything else.
5. Disinfect frequently transported items every day – backpacks, laptop cases, lunch bags just for a start. I even take disinfectant wipes and go over the covers of library books with a quick swipe as soon as we get them home (or sometimes even as soon as we hit the minivan).
6. Use the disinfectant wipes the grocery store supplies or use your own (or a coat sleeve in a pinch). Disinfect and wash the hard surface toys in your house, especially after your kids have friends over to play.
7. Keep your kids exercising. Winter can be a challenging time for people to get outside or out and about to stay fit and healthy. Help your kids find winter sports they enjoy such as skating, sledding, skiing, or snowshoeing. If your climate doesn’t have these cold-required activities, find a local gym or community center where your kids can get regular exercise.
8. Consider adding a vitamin to their regimen if your kids don’t already take one (but talk to their doctor first). Extra boosts to their immune system can help prepare their bodies for the inevitable.
9. Wash their bedding more frequently, including pillows, and invest in a good pillow cover.
10. If your kids are extra sensitive to things like dust mites, keep stuffed animals in the freezer and let your child take one out at a time. These stuffed creatures are germ and mite magnets, but the freezer helps knock those buggers away. One of my sons loved to tuck his creatures into the freezer and then trade out every few days.
11. If your child is ill, please keep her home during the peak of her illness. It isn’t fun to miss the activities of the holidays, but keeping your child at home really is the fair thing to do. One Christmas stayed home with a son who had influenza – it was my gift to others that I didn’t bring him to the family Christmas meal! Good thing, too, as he eventually ended up in the ER with a full blown case of influenza (but no one else did in the family, thankfully).
12. Stay far, far away from those cute little play centers at your local mall if you don’t have a way to clean the surfaces and your kids. Let’s face it – kids are some of the most germ-laden people around. If your kid wants to head down the slide in the food-court while licking the last of the chicken off of his fingers or ride on the plastic pony while she alternately hangs onto the mane and sucks one finger, chances are 8 million other kids did the same thing. Do you really want them bringing all of that home just in time for the holidays?

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Whenever I hear of a psychological approach to dealing with a classroom full of children I have to admit, I am skeptical. The phrase behavior modification sometimes brings to mind images of children herded like cattle, unimaginative or able to independently think. In full disclosure, I homeschool in part because I want to see my children grow into the people they choose to be and the thought of formulated, calculated, psychological methods being used to keep them in the status quo unnerves me.

However, upon reading Behavior Modification: principles, issues, and applications, I began to see that these methods of behavior modification being used in public school classrooms are not entirely different from some of the techniques I employ in our own little schoolhouse of Oldenburg Homeschool. They are, in fact, very similar to some of the approaches I take to parenting in general.

How Is Behavior Modification Used in the Classroom?

Classroom management is one of the most important things a teacher can accomplish if she expects to be the primary provider of an education for 25 students. There are two important components of truly and effectively using behavior modification in the classroom. The first is that the teacher must base her approach on the collection of data about the behaviors and the activities in the classroom. Doing this helps the teacher identify specific areas that need to be addressed.

The second component is consistency. Just as in parenting, teaching requires consistent and reliable actions and reactions that build trust and understanding between children and adults. When the reactions and actions are predictable, improvements can be made.

There are three main areas of behavior modification in the classroom.

1. Praise and ignore
2. Behavior modification charts and tokens
3. Punishment

Praise and Ignore

This technique has been used in classrooms, probably often without a deliberate employment of behavior modification plans. It can be used with either individuals, small groups within the classroom, or with the entire class. In 1963 researchers at the University of Washington Laboratory Preschool studied how adult attention given to children after children displayed inappropriate behaviors actually increased the likelihood of reoccurrence. Their findings were clear – as adult praise and attention increased for appropriate behaviors, the behaviors increased. When misbehaviors were ignored, their frequency rates decreased.

While these finding don’t align with studies by those such as Alfie Kohn, they do affirm the old adage about the squeaky wheel. Sometimes our kids to react positively to negative attention – it is better than no attention at all. In a classroom where children are fighting for the attention of a single teacher or those of peers, misbehaving can be one way to gain attention.

Behavior Modification Charts and Tokens

These are popular methods used in classrooms across the country. While some might consider them bribery, using charts and tokens as motivation to improve behaviors is an effective form of behavior modification. Some teachers allow for children to turn in their tokens for prizes or once the students reach a certain milestone on the chart they receive a small trinket. For some children these are motivators, but for others these are unimportant.

It can be difficult to employ behavior modification charts and tokens well in a classroom setting with a wide range of needs. The goals of the tokens and charts should be relevant to each child in order to be effective, so the goals need to either be global for the classroom, or they need to be individually valuable. For example, not everyone will need motivation to read more, so a token system to increase reading minutes will not be beneficial to all.

Punishment

Perhaps one of the most controversial methods of behavior modification, punishment in a classroom setting can take on various forms. While you might envision a teacher slapping a student’s hand with a ruler, punishment in terms of effective behavior modification is different. It might be in the form of a student losing tokens for misbehaviors, or through social isolation (a time-out in a quiet section of the room perhaps).

Punishment could also come in the form of verbal reprimands, but this appears to be the least effective option. In fact, one interesting study done in 1970 (Craighead et al) was with a group of 48 students who inappropriately consistently getting up out of their seats. Results from the observational study showed that the number of times the teacher verbally reprimanded the students and told them to sit down directly related to the number of times students go up out of their seats. Tripling the number of times the teacher said “Sit down!” resulted in a 33% increase in the number of times children got out of their seats! In instances like this it appears that verbal punishment acts as a reinforcement of the negative behavior.

Will Behavior Modification Help in the Classroom?

Like so many components of our children’s lives, their successful interactions in the classroom rely on several factors. One of the concerns with behavior modification in the classroom is being able to maintain the new behavior. Research has shown that there are several things that can be done to make behavior modification in the classroom as beneficial as possible.

• Parents must be involved and supportive in the plans and procedures.
• There must be a solid academic program as the foundation.
• Expect that the children will do well.
• Involve children in the techniques and get them excited about them.
• Support teachers by providing them with supportive resources on behavioral principles.

So, if your child’s teacher says she wants to implement a behavior modification technique, don’t get crazy images in your head of catonic children hypnotized by psychological methods. Ask her what her data is for the plan and support her methods as you can. I’ll probably have a parent-teacher conference for my kids on the subject (that’s crazy homeschool humor).

*Source: Behavior Modification: principles, issues, and applications, by Craighead, Kazdin, and Mahoney

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What Is Behavior Modification?

Tags: Adolescent Behavior Modification, behavior logs, behavior modification, behavior modification techniques, behavior problems, Child Behavior Modification, Child Behavior Modification Plan, modify behavior

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You might have heard the term listening to a self-help parenting CD, or watching an interview with parenting experts: behavior modification. But, how can behavior modification help you as a parent if you don’t really know what it is? It might be used as a buzz word lately, but clinical behavior modification methods have been around for almost a century. Behavior modification can help us as parents if we truly understand the history of it and how it can be used in our lives to raise strong, healthy families.

Behavior Modification Basics

Edward Thorndike first published literature revolving around modifying behavior in 1911, and in 1913 John B. Watson introduced the clinical study of behavior that we now know of as behavior modification. The principles of behavior modification are not new – people have been changing the behaviors of others for centuries by influencing the variables and outcomes of actions. However, behavior modification as a clinical approach to emoting desired changes is a relatively new field.

The three main goals of behavior modification are:

• Explanation
• Prediction
• Control of behavior        

Modern research and writings by Garry Martin and Joseph Pear detail behavior modification, and the two authors have proposed seven characteristics of this approach (several of which are more relative to clinical settings).

1. Emphasis on defining behavior problems that can be measured.
2. Behavior modification techniques can be used to change someone’s environment and help them function better.
3. The methods of and rationales for behavior modification techniques can be described precisely.
4. Behavior modification techniques can be applied to everyday life.
5. Behavior modification techniques are in large part based on core principles of learning.
6. This behavior approach relies on scientific demonstrations of effectiveness.
7. There is a high level of accountability for everyone using the behavior modification techniques.

This might sound like way too much to soak into our lives as parents. However, as parents we can take what the leaders in research in behavior modification have learned and apply it to teaching our children and raising healthy families.

Where Can Behavior Modification Be Used with My Kids?

The benefits of behavior modification can be found beyond the settings of formal psychological therapies and settings. As parents we can use the techniques that are founded in solid research and studies and help our children acquire healthy, positive behaviors.

• Classroom behavior modification programs are becoming more and more popular. Token or behavior chart systems, praise and ignore techniques, and the use of peers as behavior modifiers are all ways that teachers are formally using behavior modification for classroom management.
• Children with ADHD and other similar diagnoses have shown positive behavior changes through behavior modification programs.
• Parents who are using positive approaches, such as found in the 5 Love Languages of Children, often find that providing compliments, showing approval, and giving encouragement and affirmation find children responding well.
• Parents use behavior modification to help address negative behaviors such as whining, back-talking, pinching or hitting siblings, and irresponsibility for household chores.

If you’ve made it this far, it shows that you’re probably either desperate for a change or hoping for an easier answer. In parenting, there are no easy answers, but behavior modification can provide you with one more tool to influence your children’s behavior in positive ways. If you’re interested in using behavior modification techniques with your kids, check out these articles about

Behavior Modification Chips

Behavior Modification Logs

Behavior Modification Charts

Other resources: Behavior Modification: Principles, Issues, and Applications by Edward Craighead, Alan Kazdin, and Michael Mahoney

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Help Your Child Adjust to Change

Tags: change, teaching children to adjust to change

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Change is the inevitable component in life. The inevitable for many parents is also the stress and anxiety our children feel as they deal with changes in their routines, plans, and traditions. Everything from moving to new neighborhoods, changing schools, to altering family traditions can be stressful for children and lead to misbehaviors or family problems. Change isn’t the problem. The problem is when we fail to teach our children the tools needed to handle change.

Countless times I’ve found myself watching my children fret over the unknown during a change in their lives. It is normal for them to feel afraid or anxious over the change occurring. Kids can be especially reliant on predictability, and when that comfort is taken away from them during times of change, their stress levels can go through the roof. The result might be your own stress and negative reactions soaring along with theirs.

While I might have the foresight to logically understand that my children’s worries are sometimes unfounded in likelihood or perhaps exaggerated, that doesn’t matter. It is more important that I teach my kids to acknowledge these feelings of fear, anxiety, and stress when presented with change than it is to prove to them they have nothing to fear.

I talk with my kids about the changes and try to get them to communicate their emotions to me verbally, which is sometimes easier said than done. Sometimes it means me talking from a non-threatening viewpoint, such as sharing about my own experiences and how they made me feel. This needs to be done in a way that is not condescending and leaves room for them to add to the conversation with their own emotions and ideas.

As parents we also have to be in-tune with the nonverbal cues and sometimes not subtle clues our kids give us as well.

• Fidgeting and restlessness
• Crying
• Clinging to comforts (blankets, people, toys)
• Withdrawing from otherwise typical/normal situations
• Fighting with friends or siblings
• Angry outbursts or attitudes

These are all similar signs of depression, so if you ever feel that your child is suffering from something more serious, don’t hesitate to speak with a professional.

The ultimate goal is to teach children how to deal with change without having the change detrimentally affect their lives. Open communication about their fears is the first step, but giving them tools for adapting to change is also important.

Help them imagine possible outcomes for the change. If the change is a new school, talk about various possibilities for the first day of school. Don’t paint everything to be a rosy picture, but be realistic in expectations.

Help them plan possible solutions for problems the change might bring.

Use tools such as books like Harry the Happy Caterpillar Grows: Helping Children Adjust to Change. This teaches through positive reinforcement that change is not only OK, but it is often wonderful.

Highlight the positive outcomes that could potentially result from the changes.

Remind your children of other changes that have occurred and have had beneficial outcomes, despite similar feelings of fear or anxiety.

Be present and consistent. The stability that you can offer will be extremely important in helping your child deal with change. Predictable patterns and comfort measures will help provide security while learning to adapt to the larger change.

Set a good example. Recently our family has seen many changes, especially in regards to our family holiday traditions. While I was as disappointed as anyone that our family traditions would change, I knew that if I melted in front of my kids and threw an adult tantrum that I would send the absolute wrong message. Instead, I had to practice what I preach and find ways for us to make new traditions together.

I still wish we could all be together for the holidays, but I look forward to developing our own groove and seeing the kids get excited about new possibilities. Change is inevitable and beyond much of our control. Teaching our kids how to positively deal with change and adapt to change is a priceless skill we can give them and ourselves.

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Easy Behavior Modification Techniques with Behavior Chips

Children just wouldn’t be children if they didn’t test the boundaries and limits before them, which can sometimes lead to behaviors that make life more difficult for everyone. Maybe your child consistently interrupts conversations, or raises her voice every time she wants attention. These negative behaviors can be frustrating for us as parents, but there are easy behavior modification techniques that we can implement to turn those unwanted behaviors into positive outcomes.

Behavior chips are inexpensive, tangible techniques for behavior modification, and they don’t have to involve glamorous rewards. Start with a stash of poker chips, game chips, buttons, or other simple disks or shapes. If you have more than one child, have either separate colors for each or take a permanent marker and label equal amounts of chips with your kids’ names or initials. Keep the set of chips easily accessible, and then find or create a container (give it a name such as Good Behavior Bucket) for these chips to be added to during the process. This could be a small bucket, basket, jar, dish, or other container.

Begin by explaining to your kids that there are things happening in the home that are wonderful, such as sharing toys with younger siblings, helping Dad with yard work, and doing homework without complaining (try to be specific so your kids get a good understanding of your examples). Then explain that there are things going on that aren’t so wonderful. Again, be specific so that your children can clearly see the difference between the two types of behaviors.

Tell your kids that you will be giving them special chips to add to the Good Behavior Bucket. Make sure to establish several rules here.

1. A child may not ask for a chip, no matter how excellent the behavior was.
2. Chips are not guaranteed – they will be given at the parents’ discretion. Some kids in the family might earn chips for different positive behaviors, depending upon the changes desired.
3. You won’t get a chip every time you do a positive behavior.

It is important that you follow-through with these rules and remember to use the chips throughout the day when using this behavior modification technique. You can even stash some in your purse for busy days out and about where you want to immediately mark a desired behavior for your child. You don’t want your child to expect chips, so make sure you vary the frequency of allocating chips. It is also a good idea to have a several goal behaviors established – if you start out with only one, such as unloading the dishwasher without being reminded, the end result is way too predictable for kids.

Throughout the day, give them a chip when you catch them doing good things that help reach the behavior goals, emphasizing the positive. Have them put the chips in the Good Behavior Bucket. These will be used randomly as chip bonuses. You don’t want your child so focused on the bonus (reward) that they forget the intrinsic value of the action. Ideas for chip bonuses are:

• Choosing the game or movie for family night
• Helping choose what to make for dinner
• Selecting the book for story-time or before bedtime
• Get out of chore free card (Yes – this might mean you unload the dishwasher, but the trade-off can be really worth it!)
• Choosing the next activity (playing basketball, putting a puzzle together, etc.)
• Anything that is a small incentive!

The more chips in the bucket that belong to a particular child, the greater the chances that child’s chip will be pulled for chip bonuses. Once you have pulled a chip out of the Good Behavior Bucket, place it back with the rest to be earned again.

As with so many things in parenting, consistency is a key ingredient to the success of this behavior modification technique. Make sure you catch your kids doing good things, and that your expectations are age appropriate for each child.

A Twist on The Behavior Modification Chip Technique

As a homeschool mom I have used the behavior modification chip technique several times with great success, for both social and academic behaviors. I added a little twist to this version one time and instead of handing out chips, I handed out special pieces of paper that could be used to estimate the number of beans I had sealed in a jar. Each piece of paper was earned by simply displaying positive attitudes – it might have been not complaining about math tests, doing chores with a smile, or cheering on siblings instead of teasing them. Whenever a child would turn in an estimate, I would write either , , or = and turn this back. This behavior modification technique disguised as a math game helped turn our winter blues with negative attitudes into a warm, caring home once again.

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Why Our Children Don’t Need These Exams

Teachers, parents, and students all face the stress of superfluous standardized tests. Teachers are accountable for training students to take these exams and pass them. Parents are often responsible for making sure their children are constantly preparing for these tests. Students have perhaps the biggest burdens of all: they must not only repeatedly attempt to regurgitate information in the forms of lead-shaded bubbles, but they bear the labels those test results give from the earliest ages. They also suffer the unintended consequence of not having the opportunities to learn how to learn. Instead they are all too often in classrooms where teachers must teach to the test.

Author and outspoken critic of standardized testing (among other failures in education), Alfie Kohn digests and dissects the increasing ritual of testing students in the United States. In his article Standardized Testing and Its Victims, Kohn submits eight facts that support his theory that standardized testing is in part ruining our schools. Among these facts, Kohn disseminates the ever-increasing trend to test more and more, and to place increased value on standardized tests as well.

Kohn is not alone in his distrust of and distaste for standardized tests. Professor Rhona Weinstein reports on research that demonstrates that standardized tests are actually eroding the education of our children. Kohn, Weinstein, and others like Sir Ken Robinson, find many reasons why standardized tests are not leading our children into brighter futures, but instead showing them a limited viewpoint of themselves, as if they are seeing themselves in a mirror which is mostly covered in black and only allowing small glimpses of reflection.

• Few countries around the world place the emphasis on standardized testing like seen in America. These other countries do not routinely test children younger than high school age, and are countries with high academic outcomes.
• Standardized tests pressure teachers to teach to the test. The job requirements to end the school year with test scores of certain marks take away from the job description of actually teaching children.
• Schools that focus on standardized tests often decrease classes and opportunities for arts, physical education, social sciences, and more. They instead use their time to focus on the subjects that will be tested, primarily mathematics and language arts.
• Standardized tests measure students’ abilities to answer finite questions in limited areas of focus. They test a student’s ability to weed through possible answers, make guestimates, and interpret the language on a test.
• Education in America is at risk of losing teachers who have the passion and ability to educate children who can think for themselves. The New York Times reports that the pressures to increase test scores results in schools unintentionally making the difficult job of teaching even more demanding, and less rewarding.
• Students who can afford more tutors and rigorous test preparation courses might be able to improve their own test scores, but then increase the already growing gap between socioeconomic groups.

Even among these voices of reason, there are those who feel that standardized tests are the best ways to measure our children’s performances in school and their preparedness for their futures. Some researchers report that standardized test scores are among the best predictors of college and graduate school performances. However, perhaps this is because those students who are able to “test well” are the same students who are able to “test well” on in-class pop-quizzes and the regurgitation of information in college courses. Perhaps both standardized tests and college grades are not the best predictors of life successes and abilities after all.

What can parents and teachers do about the pressures of standardized tests?

Unfortunately, much of the pressure placed on schools to increase tests given and raise test scores come from government. The better the scores, the more money will be available, and the cycle will continue. While the idea behind “No Child Left Behind” is admirable, the execution has been extremely lacking. As Kohn writes, “The focus among policymakers has been on standards of outcome rather than standards of opportunity.” Parents and teachers need to act to make sure that our children are failing because they are learning to ace tests.

Vote. Parents and teachers need to make sure their voices are heard at the polls. Elect officials on all levels who have reasonable, intelligent plans for the future of education.

Be an active school board member. School officials don’t make all of the rules, but they do have a responsibility to represent what is going on in certain regions and communities. They have the position to take the ideas and concerns to the next level.

Give your child a well-rounded education. Whether your child is in public, private, or another type of school, make it your priority as a parent to balance the demands of teaching to the test with real world opportunities for growth. If your school cuts the arts programs, try to make those opportunities available to your child through community programs.

Don’t let your child be stereotyped by test scores. Keep the scores private, both when positive and not so great. The less emphasis you place on the scores, the more confident your child will feel about all of her abilities.

The first time my child took a standardized test I was anxious and wracked with self-doubt. At the age of 7 and homeschooled all of her life she had never taken a standardized exam. I felt as though I was about to be assessed more than she, and the future of our academic choices resided in those test results. Although I knew she was extremely capable and bright, I did not know how she would perform on a test where each circle needed to be shaded precisely and she could not question the questions.

Fast-forward many years and I now know the truth about standardized tests. I know before my kids take their exams if they are passing or failing math, excelling in reading, or surpassing expectations – I don’t need a test to tell me that. My kids don’t need a test to show them how much they know or don’t know. Every year now they take the exams, as mandated by our state’s homeschooling laws, and the kids actually have fun with them and have learned to look at them almost as a game. We don’t fret over scores or fear time limits. The scores might be a mediocore and generalized glimpse of a small portion of their abililities, but they don’t reflect all of who they are and who they are becoming.

I, and teachers and parents like me, can spend countless hours injecting the precise materials we know will be tested into our kids, but we won’t be teaching our children lessons that will let them succeed. They won’t learn to learn and think for themselves, and they won’t have the opportunities to be creative, insightful, and questioning. Without those qualities, what will our future look like?

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Behavior Logs: The First Step in Behavior Modification

Tags: behavior charts, behavior logs, behavior modification, recording behavior, using behavior logs

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You feel like you’re at the end of your parenting rope. Your kids aren’t listening or doing their chores, and every time you remind them to take care of their responsibilities they backtalk. You’re not alone. Parents everywhere face these struggles with their children. Perhaps you have read about behavior charts and behavior modification programs and wonder if they will work for your kids. Before you pull out the poster-board, stickers, or marker chips for a behavior chart or start in on a behavior modification plan, take a step back and make a plan.

Behavior modification charts aren’t valuable tools if you don’t begin with a goal, and knowing what your goal needs to be depends on the behaviors you wish to see changed. Whether you are trying to stop a negative behavior or trying to instill positive behaviors, begin with a behavior log. Think of it almost like a diary. Your behavior log will be where you record the behaviors of your children so that you can see any patterns or environmental influences that need to be addressed.

• Create a log with the days of the week and 5 or fewer behaviors you wish to track. These might be disobeying rules, displaying poor table manners, back-talking, pulling a siblings hair, or failing to brush her teeth. The behaviors don’t have to be monstrous in scope – all of the small, negative behaviors are what add up to family frustrations.
• Each time your child exhibits a negative behavior, such as back-talking, on the list, record it for the day along with any notes about the circumstances.
• If you are trying to encourage new behaviors, such as your tween putting his laundry away without being prodded to do so, make notes about how many reminders you have to give him before he will do it and anything that appears to be standing in his way (TV, friends, sports, etc.).
• Don’t change your behaviors and reactions during this time. You are trying to clarify what is not working and how the dynamics of the family and home might be contributing, so now is not the time to experiment with new consequences or rules.
• Record your actions and reactions in the situations. If you yell at your child to stop hitting his brother, track your own reactions so that you can see the patterns of how your methods are or aren’t working.
• Keep the log private. Your child might feel on the defensive if she knows you are recording her behaviors like you are on a super spy mission. This log is to help you plan ahead and set goals, not keep a naughty list.

After about 2 weeks, review the behavior logs and make assessments. Maybe the behaviors you thought were the most disruptive actually occurred the least often. Perhaps you see a pattern of bad behaviors related to environmental influences that will need to be addressed. When I took an assessment of behaviors in my home I found that for some of my children, the morning was the time of greatest stress for them, and also the time when they were most likely to misbehave or fail to follow through with their responsibilities. For two of my kids, bed time routines were most challenging. Since I was feeling stress at both points during the day, it was good for me to clearly realize the stress was coming from the distinct reactions that two children had for morning routines, and the other two for evening routines.

The behavior log is an important first step because it lets you really see what types of behaviors you want to change within your family. You can now set goals for behavior modification. However, keep in mind that the current behaviors didn’t develop overnight. They don’t call them bad habits for nothing – habits are formed over repeated actions. New actions can take as long as 3-6 weeks to work on before they become more natural parts of better behaviors.

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Spelling – perhaps one of the least favorite and most groaned about subject there is for children (and many adults). Between texting, email blasts, and spell-checkers, do we even need to stress about teaching our children to be proficient spellers? YES! (And I’m not just saying that because I have an English degree and come from TWO parents who taught English. Heaven help me.)

Why Should We Teach Our Kids to Spell Well?

Spelling is an integral part of life. It is more than just about writing clear and correct sentences. It is about reading, understanding, and communicating. Without understanding the rules for and the connotations of spelling, the written word is less valuable. Yes, our children live in a world where the dictionary is used for holding doors open more often than for searching for words. Kids can find the correct spelling and definition of words by using voice recognition software. When 5th graders write research papers they learn that words underlined in red are misspelled, but they don’t even have to search for the correct version – they merely need to choose from a suggested list of possibilities. However, life is not comprised solely of automated corrections. Spelling is just one of the valuable tools we can make sure that our children have in their toolboxes.

• Understanding spelling rules helps children learn to read. There is no substitution for phonetics when it comes to learning to read, and understanding phonetics comes from learning how to spell.
• Proficiency with spelling helps to enhance verbal communication. Kids who understand some of the basic rules for spelling are more likely to understand some of the basic rules for pronunciations and enunciations.
• Spell check programs don’t necessarily know if you meant through instead of threw, or to instead of too. They are not fail safe options for kids who aren’t taught spelling.
• Employers will notice on job applications, résumés, and office communication, and are often less than impressed with poor spelling. While technology is becoming more integrated in classrooms, there are plenty of teachers who still rely on pencil and paper methods for quizzes, assignments, and tests, especially in-class. One of my daughter’s professors is known to hand out a question, tell the students they have 10 minutes, and he wants 200 words – with pencil and paper – and he marks off for spelling errors.

How Can I Teach My Child to Spell?

There is a stereotype that homeschoolers are amazing spellers. They are not inherently so (sorry kids). However, I think what they do tend to have which is valuable to learning to spell well, is the opportunity to integrate two of the key components outlined by researchers to improved spelling – visual memory and spelling memory. None of my children are magnificent spellers. However, they do have a few tricks up their sleeve and a solid foundation in language skills. In traditional school setting spelling is often divided into a separate subject, where in my homeschool experience it is integrated into all subjects.

Spelling is not just about memorizing the order of letters. Researchers have found that there are two main types of memory involved with learning to spell: visual memory and spelling memory.

Visual memory is what children use when they remember the physical shapes of letters. Even a toddler can recognize the letters of his first name simply by having seen those letters monogrammed above his crib since the first day he came home from the hospital. Accurate spelling goes far beyond visual memorization. It requires spelling memory, or the ability of children to use what they know about speech, phonetics, and the relationships of words to each other. Children cannot truly learn to spell if we don’t teach them how to integrate both parts of these memory devices. 

Once children are given opportunities to use both their visual and spelling memories, they can use this knowledge to make assumptions when reading or deciphering speech.

Focus just as much on the sound that letters make as on the modern name for each letter. Programs like “How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons” don’t have teachers saying this is the letter “a” in the word bat, but instead say the short sound of the letter. English letters do not just say their own names, confusing many children as they are learning to spell and read.

Teach children the history of root words. Latin and Greek sources of root words are often grouped together as families of words. It can be easier for your child to learn about a family of words than to memorize words individually. It also reinforces the meanings behind words, building upon their knowledge and their abilities for recall. I’ve used a simple workbook program – Vocabulary from Classical Roots – to teach my children about the spellings and meanings of root words.

Don’t limit spelling to paper and pencil. Use toothpicks, popsicle sticks, tape on the floor, and rocks to form letters and words. Help your kids play association games for spelling. If they are learning to spell the word stick, give them sticks to form the letters. Association games like this reinforce meaning behind the sometimes senseless letter combinations.

Use what you know about your child’s learning styles. If you have a kinesthetic learner, don’t force him to sit and memorize word lists. Have him hop as he says the letter sounds in each word. If you have a visual learner, encourage her to trace letters as she says the sounds. For kids with sensory learning styles, give them a tray of shaving cream or rice and have them spell words onto the textures. It helps to reinforce the letter shapes in long-term memory in the brain.

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