• Tweet

• Tweet

Teenagers can be bullied, teased, and taunted online – just one of the unfortunate and frustrating side-effects of living in a technologically advanced age. However, one of the saddest components to these trends is the number of children who are in essence seeking out these reactions, amid others, by asking a world of strangers, “Am I Pretty?”

As a woman, mother, and aunt it is painful to hear of the new numbers – one YouTube video garnishing some 4 million+ views – of girls in particular who are seeking some sort of response to this question. Girls who are even younger than the supposed restricted age minimum guideline of 13 are posting videos on YouTube accounts where they pose, some suggestively, and ask viewers to let them know if they think they are pretty or ugly. The responses are for the most part ugly.

Insults, threats, and degrading comments such as “You need a hug.. around your neck.. with a rope..” are just some of the thousands of responses these young girls are getting. Some commentators are obviously hoping to do more than insult these young posters, writing invitations to show more provocative pictures and engage in inappropriate behaviors.

Why are children posting these videos?

In order to help stop this trend before it becomes an epidemic, as parents we need to understand why these kids would post videos asking the world to judge their physical attributes. While not all of these kids post for the same reason, many of the reasons overlap.

Attention

Kids know the internet is a great way to get attention, and as much we might not want to admit it, attention feels good. Unfortunately kids more than adults also seem to thrive on negative attention, because any form of it is better than no form at all. While we might cringe at the idea of a stranger on a different continent commenting on the dimple on our face in a suggestive way, kids can learn to get a euphoric high from having people, especially those who might seem more mature online, paying attention to them.

Distraction

Adolescence is a time of change and sometimes that change can be overwhelming. Living in a virtual world allows our kids to feel safer, meaningful, or more powerful. However, these false worlds that are created often don’t build their self-esteem or character.

Ignorance

This goes for children as well as parents. Children just don’t understand the implications of opening up oneself in the online world, especially in such a personal way. The consequences are not tangible to them until it is all too often beyond repair. Parents are also ignorant – of their children’s online activities and the repercussions of unfettered internet access for youth.

What should parents do?

Many parents aren’t even aware of what their children are doing, which is a huge portion of this problem. What perhaps bothered me most when I heard of this new trend was the reaction of one mom who did find out what her daughter was doing. Naomi Gibson, whose daughter is in one such Am I Ugly? Post, was at first unaware of the situation. However, when news sources brought it to her attention, she wasn’t going to commit to requiring her daughter to remove the post.

What? I tried to imagine myself in her position as a parent. It is frightening enough to think that I wouldn’t even know my child was posting videos like these that are being viewed by thousands.  Then I have to ask myself a question: Would I really be OK with my child leaving such a posting on YouTube? Absolutely not! For her safety, self-identity, and future implications that posting would be removed sooner than I could unplug the computer and find the camcorder.

My kids have computers and internet access, and I can’t even count how many times my younger kids have asked for a Facebook or YouTube account like their older siblings. But I don’t give in to the pressure, from them or society. There are reasons why there are age restrictions, and there are reasons why I even go beyond those in my own parenting rules. The rules aren’t made to make my children’s lives more exciting or boring – they are there to keep them safe and experience the world through age-appropriate lenses.

We might tell our kids that the opinions of strangers shouldn’t matter, but this isn’t enough. We need to find ways to take away the power that comes from acceptance by these strangers. We need to help our kids find healthy, safe, giving activities that enrich their lives and the lives of others. They can use technology safely, with guidance and diligent observations by us – the parents.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/k6uBQx2THRo/

• Tweet

• Tweet

The United States spends more money per student than any other country on the entire planet. Our children should be scoring the highest, getting the best grades, and having the brightest futures. That would be true if all of that money was well spent, and if money was the only thing that mattered.

The documentary, The Cartel, demonstrates just how poorly that money is spent, and just how horrifically those situations are affecting the children of the United States. Even though we as a nation are spending more than any other, we are ranked below 23 other countries in terms of proficiency and test scores for our students. Director Bob Bowdon shows the stark truth when it comes to the financial failures of American education.

Do American Students Make the Grade?

The Nation’s Report Card (NAEP) shows startling numbers for our children’s education and achievement (or lack thereof). If you go to this site you will see the skewed representation of the test results for each state. Bar and line graphs are given for various achievements, but if you look close enough you can see that while the bars might reach the top of the graph, perhaps in the Science section for 4^th graders in Florida, the top of the bar graph only goes to 160. The problem? The total score possible for this section is 300! This example is true for every state where numbers are available.

According to Bowdon’s research, only 37% of high school seniors in the United States can read and write at or above an 8^th grade level. Proficiency in math and reading on a national average is well below 50%. The NAEP website touts the claim “Mathematics scores for 9- and 13-year-olds higher than in all previous assessment years.” While this might sound promising and as if the children are doing remarkably well, the reality is that in 1973, the average score was 219 and in 2008 the average score was 243. Yes – this is an increase, however, once again, these test scores are out of a total 500 points – we’re not even half-way there, yet.

So – do American students make the grade? No -which means we as a nation that is responsible for the education and future of our children are not making the grade, either.

What About the Financing of Education?

We are the leading spender on education per student in the world. Since money obviously can’t buy good test scores, let’s take a look at where all of this money, our money, is going. The Cartel took the great state of New Jersey to spearhead the look at the failing education spending programs in our country.

• The state of New Jersey leads the country in education spending, yet in 2007 only 39% of the students from here were proficient in reading, and just 40% in math.
• In 2007 the average teacher’s salary was $55,000, but each classroom incurred $258,000 in overhead fees (and we aren’t talking about schools with state of the art technology).
• The Camden school district was investigated for falsifying test scores so that the achievements of students would come under less scrutiny.
• School districts in NJ have been investigated for fraud, theft, and other illegal and inappropriate uses of educational funding.
• Phantom salaries were paid to phantom teachers in NJ – just one of many corrupt examples of lost money.
• One teacher admitted that after 17 years of teaching, he was only doing so with a reading level of 3^rd or 4^th grade, and that he had taken numerous shortcuts in his role of teacher in order to keep his job.

While these instances shown in The Cartel are definitely dramatic, it is not as if New Jersey is an island floating in a country of amazing and upstanding educational practices. One of the most dangerous things we are doing as a nation is letting teachers’ unions have so much control over the future of our children.

• Tenure protects teachers beyond a reasonable doubt, and protects bad teachers as equally as amazing ones.
• Teacher records are sealed. A teacher “resigning” after allegations of misconduct can move to another district and apply for a new job with no mention of past behaviors.
• School districts cannot often afford the litigation expenses involved with attempting to remove poor performing (or even illegally or inappropriately behaving) teachers.

Something has to change in order for the children in our country to receive quality educations. It doesn’t require more money, or even more testing. It requires taking away the ability of school districts and the teachers’ union to misuse funds, keep bad teachers, and turn the other way when students are failing. They are failing. One look at the real numbers shows that not half of our children are adequately educated to compete in a global setting. But we are the ones failing the kids. We need to do something different, something better, if we truly want something better for our kids.

The Cartel might be one of the most depressing documentaries you will watch on modern education, but it is well worth the time.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/8hqDN1HUkXw/

• Tweet

• Tweet

It is not my job to make my children happy – although I sincerely hope that each and every day they can find happiness. As parents we sometimes get the mixed message that we are supposed to kiss the boo-boo and make it all better. The problem with this philosophy, however, is that when we take the role as fixer, we take away the opportunities for our kids to learn tools and skills for dealing with disappointment. The truth is that we need to teach our kids to find their own happiness – we can’t create that pretense for them.

There will be disappointments in life for our kids. As much as I wish they didn’t have to go through the pain, I know that it will be far better to prepare them with healthy ways to deal with disappointment than to always try to take away their pain. Some parents might find this harsh – instead wanting to turn every possibility of pain into smooth roads. While this might provide immediate relief, it does not provide long term solutions.

Author Elizabeth Crary, M.S., has written on various parenting topics, including Dealing with Disappointment, where she describes the importance for parents of equipping children with tools to deal with this inevitable piece of life. She includes chapters for parents where we can take self-assessments for how we react to our children as they face disappointing situations. In essence, these assessments measure our parenting styles.

Do you try to overcompensate for the disappointment?

Quickly offer replacements or better offers, such as a new and improved toy for a lost one or an over-the-top day at the mall when not invited to a classmate’s party. This response might make our kids feel better in the short run, and we feel better when they feel better.

Do you try to distract your child from the disappointment?

Dismiss the disappointment by not really acknowledging it and pushing them to move past it as quickly as possible to avoid the discomfort. I think I see men using this approach more, trying to distract their children from the sad or uncomfortable situation.

Do you chastise your child for their expressions of disappointment?

Tell him to quit crying, get over it, or otherwise dismiss the pain that the disappointment brings. Sometimes parents see their children’s reactions to disappointment as overly dramatic or “not fitting the crime” and want to let them know that their reactions are not warranted.

Do you encourage your child to do something about the disappointment?

Offer healthy choices, such as going for a walk to think about it or asking your child to share her feelings about the situation, acknowledging them without judgment. This approach usually takes time and patience, but has increased long-term benefits.

Dealing with Disappointments through Emotion Coaching

If you chose this last option as the one you are most likely to follow when your child faces disappointment, you are most likely practicing emotion coaching. Emotion coaching means teaching your children the vocabulary and actions that honor and respect emotions. While it might feel like we are acting out of love if we try to take away the pain our children face in their disappointments, we can actually be much more loving by being their support system and encouraging healthy, emotionally secure responses.

Recently my youngest had to deal with a disappointment that just didn’t seem fair. For weeks he had planned his birthday party, and we had just shopped for decorations and cake mixes. The day before his 9^th birthday party he woke up with a raging fever. I knew from the fact that his siblings were just recovering from their own severe colds that this was not going to be a one-day fluke. He knew right away what his fever meant, and even though I was aching inside for what I imagined his deflated feelings must be, I waited for him to take the lead.

Of course he was sad, but he was able to use the tools he had learned about disappointments. His siblings and I all told him we understand that he was feeling disappointed and frustrated and acknowledged his feelings, but then he was able to move forward rather quickly. He wanted to see a calendar so we could choose a new date, and then immediately email out a revised invitation. While I admit a part of me wanted to indulge him in a bedside birthday party and shower him with early birthday presents, I knew this wouldn’t help him in the long run. You can’t always have your cake and eat it, too, so you might as well help your kids look for their own ways to savor what is before them, disappointments and all.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/dBClI_7ty7k/

• Tweet

• Tweet

It is the place where you tuck them in with wishes for sweet dreams, where they share stories with imaginary play-mates, invent creations with friends, or their quiet place to read and study. Your child’s bedroom should be their safe zone, where they feel free to be themselves and be as comfortable and content as possible. Help them design and decorate their bedrooms to do all of these things – without breaking the budget – or stepping on their personalities.

Choosing the Look

Your child’s room is just that, your child’s room. I remember as a child sitting at the table one day looking through wallpaper books (hey – that was the cool thing back in the day) and overhearing my aunt whisper to my mom, “But what if she chooses something you don’t like?” She was referring to the fact that my mother was letting me, at age 10, design my own room. My mother taught me a very valuable parenting lesson that day in her reply – “She’ll do just fine. It is her space and she should be comfortable in it.” Gentle guidance when decorating with your child will give her the independence she craves, the respect she desperately wants, and the opportunity to find out and display who she really is inside.

Buying Bedding

As soon as my kids were ready to move from the crib to the bed (usually a toddler-sized bed in our house), we let them find a comforter or nice blanket that would be the foundation around their bedroom décor. It is so much easier to match paint to bedding than the reverse, so this saves a lot of headaches, and allows your kids to have their personality on display.

For my daughter’s first comforter I learned how to quilt and incorporated her favorite colors into the design. Older kids can even make their own by purchasing fun patterned sheets in one or two sizes larger than the bed size, then adding a layer of batting between the two and quilting them together.

Skip the Themes

We had a Blue’s Clues stretch with one son, but we didn’t have to go for life-sized versions of the happy blue puppy splattered on the walls or dominating the décor. In order to allow my son’s favorite character to be his roommate, we settled on Blue’s bedding and pillows, which for a toddler bed, was fairly inexpensive. Staying away from specific themes for overall decorating allows you to change their rooms as quickly as kids sometimes change their minds. An even easier way to incorporate favorite themes is with throw pillows made from themed pillow cases. If you keep the walls a neutral color you can swap out characters or themes as your child ages.

What About Windows?

Drapery can be expensive, attract stains, and be an allergen irritant. For our kids investing in sturdy vertical blinds in a neutral color kept the room dark for naps and when bedtime came before sundown, and were so much easier to clean. They were also safer than inexpensive horizontal blinds with dangling cords.

Fun Ways to Give Personality to Your Child’s Room

Build a Budget

• Be up front with your child about a budget for the room redo. It is a great lesson in money management.
• Shop used furniture stores, thrift shops, auctions, and garage sales. Recovering a chair is really easy, and kids can paint wooden furniture to match their new decor with vast varieties of paints available.
• Get creative and maybe you can find a lamp at a garage sale, but then get a blank canvas lampshape and decorate it to match the room. I used fabric paint to write my daughter’s name on her shade. These personal touches make your child feel like a million dollars, even if you only spent a few bucks.

Accessibility

The first thing you need to do when decorating with your children is to get at their level, especially for younger ones. Their room should be not only comfortable, but easy for them to maneuver around in every day.

• Walk around on your knees when decorating with your younger kids. It will give you a better appreciation for their specific needs.
• Hang closet rods within their reach. They can access their own clothes and put them away.
• Place shelves within reach.
• Anchor bookshelves and dressers for safety.
• Use colorful plastic dish pans on shelves for easy access to toys and favorite items.

Just for The Fun of It!

• Get wooden letters from the local craft store that spell out your child’s name. Let her decorate them with coordinating paint, or cover the letters in fabric that matches the bedding, and hang them proudly for everyone to see.
• Take a mailbox and put your child’s name on it with stickers. Place it just inside his doorway and use it to send him fun notes, and don’t forget to check to see if he puts the flag up when he has a letter for someone else in the family.
• Hang dry erase boards, memory boards, or bulletin boards for your child to display momentoes and write reminders to herself.
• Use chalkboard paint for the budding artist in your family.
• Give each child a wall or shelving when decorating with kids who are sharing a room. Each child can then still have his own personal space and identity. It is more important that your kids feel respected as individuals than it is if the décor on each wall matches.

My mom did let me design my own room, and even helped recover old pieces of furniture to match the color palette and design I wanted. While it was a small lesson in interior design, it was a huge lesson in honoring the unique style that each child has.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/zS3QJ3QOxUY/

• Tweet

• Tweet

Gender Specific Toys and Their Effects on Kids

A debate was reignited by LEGO a few months ago when they put out a new line of toys marketed for girls – pastels bricks, curvy LEGO people, and beauty salons. From those petitioning to end this type of negatively perceived stereotyping through toys, including parents who are even attempting to raise their children “gender neutral”, to parents who really prefer to surround their girls with all things pink and purple, the debate is on over the effects of gender directed toys.

My initial reaction is a cringe, based in part on my own childhood as a self-proclaimed tree-climber, fort builder, and athlete, as well as my overwhelming desire that my own daughter grows up to see no obstacles based on her gender. However, I can’t help but put those thoughts in perspective with the words I read in Michael Gurian’s book The Wonder of Boys. I went back to the pages I had read in my never-ending quest to become an effective mother of 3 sons with a new perspective on gender directed toys and how those might affect my daughter.

The Debate Over Gender Directed Toys

Opponents of the pastel building blocks say that these types of marketing strategies stereotype girls as less inclined or able to build skyscrapers, bridges, and vast architectural expanses. They say that girls are just as equipped to build with traditional building sets and we should encourage them to do that rather than to teach them that their best creations will be those revolving around pedicures and shopping malls. In an equal-opportunity world I want this to be true, as well. I bought my daughter blocks and trucks, and purchased dolls for my young boys (neither of which seemed to make tremendous impacts on their toy preferences – they still gravitated toward more gender traditional toys). However, what if we look past the hype and see that as much as we might want our children to feel equally inclined and capable, biology still has the first word?

Gurian wrote in The Wonder of Boys about the undeniable presence of testosterone in males (with rare exceptions to biological changes and fluctuations). Because of increased levels of testosterone in the brain, there are several differences between boys and girls. The results of neurological studies show that the structural differences mean there tends to be increased levels of focus in male brains when it comes to spatial relationships and activities, which is why our little boys tend to be likely to want to manipulate blocks and create masterpieces rivaling the pyramids.

Boys are often much more single task oriented, writes Gurian, and have been shown in scientific studies to be less able to multi-task when compared with their female counterparts.  Those little boys in our lives are hardwired to prefer space to accomplish physical tasks, even just playing games like basketball or baseball, as they use their biological gifts to be able to take on the challenges of moving objects in spatial environments. Girls, on the other hand, are often more drawn to games that require verbal skills such as imaginary community roles (playing house, store, etc.).

Toys that are marketed towards one gender or another might actually be marketed towards something the brain knew first – boys and girls are different. Instead of trying to do away with those differences and ignore the beautiful hard-wiring that exists already, it is time to respect the difference and teach our children to respect them as well.

Will pink princesses create passive girls?

My daughter played with dolls, loved purple, and had a tea party themed birthday bash. It was my job to make sure that her toys, books, and media access were respectful of all people, including her own butterfly-sparkly-clothing-loving preschool self. She is now majoring in Biology, helps with a robotics lab, and prefers jeans to dresses any day. Her toys didn’t determine her self-image or preconceived ideas about what she could or couldn’t do based on her gender – if I thought they did, I wouldn’t be giving her enough credit (and I would have been spending too much money on bad toys). Her interactions with the world in a loving, respectful, and guided way helped make sure that she knew she could love being a princess and still fight dragons.

We can’t very well criticize LEGO for marketing to genders when we as adults create magazine covers, television shows, and home décor geared toward specific genders. Biology does have the first word, but as parents we can help have so many more words after that which will affect how our children respect their own biological foundations. We can choose to buy our children toys that only reflect their genders, or we can choose to buy toys that reflect our children’s interests. Instead of trying to make girls less feminine by creating “Princess Free Zones”, let’s teach them that princesses and princes can rule the world together, each with their own unique contributions.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/YlSmxrp2Qog/

• Tweet

• Tweet

Even though we had our suspicions and weren’t totally surprised, I still remember the devastating feeling that my son’s diagnosis of asthma left me with that day. He had more bouts with pneumonia than some with emphysema by the time he was just 4 years old, got his nebulizer at age 6 months, and had even been tested for cystic fibrosis. Asthma was a much more tolerable and livable condition. However, my Mom Mode went into overdrive as I struggled with how to make sure he had as few asthma attacks as possible, side effects from medications as tolerable, and life interruptions as allowable.

This isn’t meant to be a medical guide to treating your child’s asthma, but instead a Mom and Dad guide for dealing with your own concerns and teaching your child to understand and react to this condition. Asthma is a scary medical condition, but diligent care and the right attitude can make a world of difference. As a parent of a child with asthma, educate yourself about allergens, tricks for healthier living, and empowering your child.

What is allergen free?

When we first received the diagnosis we were instructed to keep his bedroom an “allergen free zone” so that we could more easily determine what my son’s triggers were. For our family that meant

• Limiting stuffed animals to 1 on and near the bed at a time (a challenge for a 4 year old who had received a lifetime’s worth already)
• No furry pets in the bedroom
• Mattresses and pillows protected from the effects of dust mites
• Keeping carpets vacuumed every week and shampooed once a month (had we known beforehand we could have just installed wood flooring)
• Dusting the vertical blinds every week (fortunately we did not have fabric window coverings/curtains)
• Dusting furniture every week
• Using natural cleaning products that didn’t aggravate his breathing

Keep the room allergen free and my family sane.

Living in a busy home with a family of 6 isn’t always conducive to living an allergen free lifestyle, especially when my son shared a bedroom with brothers who wanted their own stuffed animals and their own furry pets. Here are a few tricks that helped keep everyone healthy and happy.

Mattress protectors/covers and allergen guard pillow cases for everyone. It helps keep the bedding cleaner, and doesn’t single out one person in the family as “ill”.

Frozen stuffed animals – not a joke! My son’s pulmonology specialist gave us a great tip as she knew that getting rid of the dozens and dozens of stuffed toys in a home with 4 children 10 and under would be difficult and an emotional train-wreck. Sort through and keep those stuffed toys that really mean something to your kids – but don’t put any pressure on them to do this (again – we don’t want to be singling out anyone with a blame game). Take turns rotating stuffed animals into the freezer for 1-2 weeks at a time, as this kills dust mites and those pesky allergens better than washing – and washing only leaves gross, matted fake fur. We made it a fun ritual and did a whole story about Ice Age Adventures whenever a new stuffed animal would enter the freezer. Those stuffed animals not in the freezer (and the one not on my son’s bed) waited their turn in a suitcase in the closet.

Find alternatives. For us it meant getting our son an aquarium instead of a hamster. For you it might be taking a vacation to the beach instead of a romp through the woods if your child has tree pollen triggers. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do as a family, get excited about the things you can do together. I also investigated certain dietary changes, such as eliminating dairy, to see if they were triggers for my son’s asthma.

Give your child ownership.

Get a peak flow meter, even if your child’s asthma is mild and easily controlled. It is a great teaching device that shows your child and any siblings how lung capacity should be in healthy situations. It also is just one more tool that you and your child have to better understand when he might be in distress. The peak flow meter we received was actually paid for by insurance, and delivered within a week to our home, simply by calling and requesting it from our insurance program. Some doctors have them on hand for patients, and they are available online and through pharmacies.  

Asthma can vary in seriousness and severity throughout a person’s lifetime. It is imperative that we give our kids the tools they will need to monitor and care for themselves. For me that meant finding a pulmonologist my son really connected with, and giving my son the responsibility of marking his medication intakes and peak flow meter readings on a chart in the kitchen (I always oversaw this, but he felt in control).

Make sure your child has his emergency inhaler (with a tag for instructions and emergency numbers) when he is out and about without you. If the asthma is severe or your child spends a lot of time away from you, consider an I.D. bracelet.

A diagnosis of asthma for your child can be difficult to accept, as it forces you to think of his life with certain modifications or restrictions, and as parents we want the world to be full of wide open possibilities for our kids. However, with a few sane, easy steps we can make that new journey a little smoother for them and for us. There was a time when my son required multiple treatments each day and couldn’t run without vomiting from coughing. With care and knowledge we have been able to help him manage his asthma so it doesn’t manage him. Last year at the age of 10 he ran his first 5K race, and this year he is training for his first 10K, something I was not confident that coughing young man could ever do. As he crossed the finish line I had tears of joy that came from knowing where he had been, and where he can still go – asthma and all.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/roNDSYbCjTg/

• Tweet

• Tweet

If you were told that from the time your child is born, if you did one simple, enjoyable, easy thing each day that your child would more likely be more intelligent, calmer, more focused, and healthier, would you do it? While it might sound on the outside to be a scam, it is actually possible through engaging your child in music. Research has shown that music is vital to enhanced brain activity. Children who are exposed to various forms of music score better on test and exams, are calmer, and physically feel healthier.

Newer research even claims the Mozart Effect, where certain pieces of music by Mozart or others from the Baroque period have amazing influences on various behaviors and actions of children. Have you ever thought about why music is played over speakers in office buildings, on public transportation systems, in elevators, and even at hospitals and clinics? Music has an overwhelming ability to positively influence our brains. With all of the research and evidence supporting the power of music, it really does exemplify the importance of parents and caregivers infusing music into the lives of children.

Music Activities, Crafts, and Games for Kids

The most effective ways to teach children anything is to get them engaged as active learners. When it comes to music, you can incorporate it into their lives from the first day.

Babies

• Play music for your infant and newborn (the radio is a great option – you don’t have to actually play Mozart pieces yourself on the piano).
• Pay attention to how your baby reacts to different forms of music. My son at age 1 month was an avid fan of Elvis – Blue Suede Shoes – to be exact.
• Sing to your baby. The best part is you don’t have to in line for a record contract for your infant to love hearing your voice.
• Dance with your baby. Music can be similar to the familiar and comforting rhythm of a heartbeat, and dancing is putting that sound into action.

Toddlers and Preschoolers

• Continue all of those great traditions with music that began when your baby first came home.
• Keep sound-makers on hand for your toddler so he can experiment making his own music. Rattles, squeakers, tubs for drums, child-safe keyboards, maracas, and inexpensive plastic flutes are great items with which to fill the toy box.
• Expose your toddler to various music styles. Go to music in the park days, listen to musicians give performances at schools and community events, and sit near the musicians in church.
• Make music a part of your routines – sing a song while you help him brush his teeth, belt out some fun tunes while cleaning up toys, or sing and dance with them as you move to bath-time.
• Incorporate music with traditions – Christmas carols, birthday songs, or music that reflects your heritage.
• Make up silly songs together – it is a great way to experiment with rhythm, rhyming, and beat.
• Utilize technology with video games like Major Minor’s Majestic March (Wii), a great way for young kids to experience tempo and varieties of instruments. We have this one and it is a fun and educational addition to our collection.
• Play traditional music games like Musical Chairs, London Bridge, and All Around the Mulberry Bush.

Beyond Preschool

• Encourage your child to experiment with various instruments.
• Provide opportunities for music lessons at whatever levels fit your child’s needs.
• Expose your child to culturally rich and diverse musical options.
• Keep musical traditions flowing in your family.
• Keep music accessible in your home – play soft music with dinner, have fun CDs in the van, and allow your kids to have music in their bedrooms.
• Encourage them to keep moving with music. Our teens like Wii Music for creative ways to virtually try instruments and read music.

Fun and Easy Ways to Make Music

Homemade Guitar

This easy craft involves taking a box – shoe box size is great – and helping your child slide rubber bands of various widths and lengths over the width of the box (over the open side of the box, or if the box is closed, over a hole you cut).

Rain Stick

Teach your kids about Central American traditions with this easy craft. Take a long, empty paper towel tube and cover one end with paper, then duct tape. Have your child help measure and fill the tube with a combination of dried rice and small balls of crumpled aluminum foil (about 1/3 of the volume of the tube). Cover and tape the other end, and let you child decorate the outside of the tube with markers and stickers.

Flying Maracas

We call these flying maracas at our house because they remind the kids of what they imagine flying saucers would look like. Take two paper plates. Have your child place a handful of dried beans, bottle caps, aluminum pop can tabs, or even paperclips on one of the plates. Place the other plate over the top of the first, creating a pocket between the two with the loose items inside. Staple the edges thoroughly and let you child decorate the plates.

Ringing Bells

Head to your local craft store and get a supply of bells, either traditional ones or jingle bells, in varying sizes. See if your child can arrange them in musical order (size is a clue). Then attempt to ring out basic tunes like Mary Had a Little Lamb. Your child can take ribbon pieces and make handles for the bells as well.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/_epTnfP9SIA/

• Tweet

• Tweet

Why The Waiting Game Is Good For Kids

Instant gratification is all around us. If my kids want to learn how to perform a yo-yo trick, within minutes they can watch an expert on YouTube. If they need to do research for a report, they have access to college libraries from their seat in our living room courtesy of their laptop. And if they want to share a silly joke with a friend who is 2 hours away, they grab the phone and send the text. Instant gratification surrounds our children and changes how they perceive the world. It permeates their education, their social circles, and directs their futures. However, learning to rely on instant gratification can have negative effects on their childhood and their lives for years to come.

More Than Marshmallows

Decades ago psychologist Walter Mischel designed an experiment wherein hundreds of preschoolers were tempted with marshmallows. The children were directed that they could either eat 1 marshmallow right away, or if they were able to wait 15 minutes, they could have 2 marshmallows. The children were then left alone to decide their stomachs’ fates. Some children went for the immediate gratification and ate the lone marshmallow, while other squirmed in their seats, fidgeting and calculating, and eventually were rewarded with 2 marshmallows after they outlasted the time clocks. The final numbers revealed that 70% of the children could not resist the temptation for the 15 minutes, while 30% could. This experiment has been modeled in other cultures with similar results over the years.

In order to quantify this experiment, participants from the late 1960s experiment were brought back and certain characteristics were assessed during the end of their high school years. Those preschoolers who were able to delay their marshmallow gratification for 15 minutes years ago grew to be young adults who were significantly less likely to have drug addictions, behavior problems, or be obese. They also scored on average 210 points higher on their SAT exams.

Why is Delayed Gratification Important?

Our children live in a world of instantaneous results. Delaying gratification:

• Helps kids to think things through more thoroughly (like whether or not they should really make that Facebook post)
• Reinforces the value and importance of self-control
• Gives them the opportunity to enjoy anticipation
• Helps prioritize activities in busy lives
• Teaches children an important foundation for money management (credit cards are dangerous tools for instant gratification)
• Gives them opportunities to deal with complex sets of choices and challenges and determine the best courses for action
• Teaches them how to make and set goals
• Gives children the opportunity to deal with disappointments and frustrations
• Decreases instances of dangerous impulsive behaviors

How Can We Teach Delayed Gratification to Our Kids?

While we might be tempted to remove their technology gadgets and gizmos, put a halt on cell phones, and an end to endless activities, these aren’t very realistic on a long-term basis. Instead we can use small, tangible, and real opportunities for encouraging delayed gratification.

• Give preschoolers their own calendars and help them anticipate time.
• Demonstrate good behaviors. If you’re shopping with your kids you might say “I really would like that new coat, but I am going home to think about it before I buy it.”
• Read chapter books or series of books together where you can talk about what might happen next, but give them time between readings to think about it
• Allow your child to plan for a friend coming over. One day it might be the invitation, another it might be planning the activity, while you gradually build to the special day.
• Establish family rules for purchases. Our kids have to wait 24 hours before spending their money on an item, and in that time, they usually decide they didn’t want it as much as they thought.
• Talk about goals and find age appropriate ways to record them with your kids.
• Pictures on a calendar that represent each day
• A good old fashioned paper chain link countdown
• Written goals by older kids – help them define long and short term goals
• Play games that need “to be continued” such as a marathon run of Monopoly or putting a puzzle together as a family and only spending 15 minutes each evening working on it.
• Plant a garden with your kids – nothing stretches their patience like waiting for seeds to emerge.

Delayed (sometimes called deferred) gratification is not easy, for kids or for adults. In a world where we can watch movies on demand, buy games with the click of a button, and update the world with the fact that our toddler took his first step, we need to take time to just wait. Good things do come.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/Ejsrs22386U/

• Tweet

• Tweet

And Taking the Workforce by Storm!

Motherhood is a job – just one that doesn’t pay with money, but in so many other rewards. However, since it doesn’t pay for the electric bill or the groceries, many moms turn to working part-time or full-time, inside or outside of the home for a paycheck. Many moms are also forgoing polishing their resumes or completing their applications to instead start their own businesses and companies. It can bring in that much needed paycheck, as well as provide self-satisfaction and identity, but it is also not for the faint of heart.

What is a Mompreneur?

Entrepreneur.com describes a mompreneur as a woman who is balancing the roles of motherhood and entrepreneur. Balance does seem to be the key word in this definition, and it is a fluid state of being. Whether you are considering starting your own home daycare business, opening a greenhouse in your backyard, writing and editing from your home office (like me), or starting your own cleaning and professional organization company, there are several issues you need to carefully consider.

One Mompreneur’s Story

If you read my recent post about organizing your home life, you were introduced to Tammy Schotzko, owner of We Love Messes. Tammy shared with me some insights about home and family organization, but she also shared with me her experiences and perspectives about her dual role as a mom and entrepreneur – mompreneur.

Tammy decided early on that she wanted to stay home with her first child (now 17), but she always pursued some type of work to contribute to the family budget. Sometimes this was babysitting, mending or quilting for others, participating on the city council, or other part-time investments of her time and energy.

Take Something You Love and Go with It

Moms are about love – and Tammy’s move mirrors what drives so many successful mompreneurs. Like Tammy, they take their passions and interests and find a way to turn those into paychecks. Less than two years ago she decided to take what she loves, organizing, and pursue it as a career. While she first partnered with someone else, Tammy recently became the sole owner of her company in October of 2011. She said that “…once I realized that not everybody is a natural at it AND people would PAY me to do it I would’ve been crazy NOT to pursue it!”  

Tammy’s business is now a mobile business, with most of her needed supplies waiting for her in her van. She completes paperwork, bills, correspondences, and more from her home, and at any one time has 10-15 independent contractors doing work through her business.

The Challenges Mompreneurs Face

The glass ceiling may have been lifted, but in reality – it is still there – if at varying heights depending upon whom you ask. Tammy has seen this ceiling herself as she works as “the boss”. In two recent times she laughs about now, she took her husband on fire damage jobs and repeatedly faced people who automatically sought her husband out as the owner of her business. She walked away from one instance not really able to fully convince a particular gentleman that she was running the show. I can empathize with Tammy and understand her circumstances. As a cloud commuter I have often been mistaken for a man – with the name of Chris – as my image is not always attached with my name. Redirecting clients is not always easy, and not even always necessary. As you venture into mompreneur-land, just be aware that the ceilings exist – just take a hammer with you.

In my interview with Tammy I heard her reiterate what I have heard from so many other women who are either entrepreneurs or figures of authority in companies. It can be challenging for women, somewhat natural caretakers, to be firm and business-focused, instead of friends to all, especially if a woman has been spending years providing love and support to her family. Tammy puts it well when she says that “…the buck, and the reputation, stops with me.” If you’re going to pursue an entrepreneurial road, you need to go prepared to be the boss.

The Best Parts of Being a Mompreneur

Working mother is a redundant term. However, if you seek a paycheck and decide to pursue building your own business or career, there are some wonderful advantages of becoming a mompreneur.

• A paycheck – paying bills is nice.
• A sense of accomplishment – your children can follow for inspiration.
• An entrepreneurial experience – nothing prepares you for life’s hurdles like setting up your own track.
• Your own schedule – this may mean more hours than you bargain for so be prepared to pace yourself.

Tammy acknowledges that wanting to do it all and being able to do it all realistically are two separate things. But she also says that mom CAN do it, just at readjusted levels of (self) expectation. At the end of the day there are only 24 hours – in which we are moms, mompreneurs, entrepreneurs, employees, partners, friends, shoe-shoppers, gardeners, and women. Balancing all of those hats is not easy, but as the rising trend of mompreneurs shows, it just might be the new path that women like Tammy are blazing.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/3Kkz1cNsDXM/

Don’t Tell Your Kids to Apologize

Tags: apologize, empathy, saying sorry, sorry, teaching empathy, teaching responsibility

• Tweet

• Tweet

Don’t get me wrong – I think children sometimes lack the skill of apologizing, but more importantly they are lacking the ability to apologize sincerely. It is the difference between uttering those words and acting on those words – and the difference lies in our children’s ability to empathize. People make mistakes, and how we make restitutions for these demonstrate for our children how to accept responsibility and move forward with action based on empathy.

I’m fairly certain none of us are perfect parents or people, and one important way we can acknowledge that is to apologize to and in front of our children when we make mistakes. Accepting responsibility can be difficult, but when we demonstrate our regrets, we teach our children about empathy. It is this empathy that they need in order to understand how to make real apologies in their own life. And no matter how wonderfully amazing our children are, they are going to make some mistakes and need to own up to them.

Be Real

“Well sorrryyyy!” in a sarcastic tone obviously doesn’t seem sincere, but there are many more subtle ways we demonstrate false apologies. Teaching your kids to make real apologies begins by demonstrating that skill (yes – ownership and responsibility taking are skills).

• Restate the act that got you there in the first place. “I am sorry your feelings are hurt because I threw away the picture you drew.” You acknowledge the pain and the reason for it.
• Look into your children’s eyes when you apologize.
• Don’t apologize to someone, and then turn around later and complain to someone else about the situation. You have just removed your ownership.
• Don’t start sentences with, “I’m sorry, but….” What you might as well say is, “I’m not sorry because I think I was right for these reasons.”

Teaching Kids to Say They are Sorry – And Mean It

Leading by example in your own life is vitally important, but there are several other ways we can teach our children how to empathize and accept roles in hurtful words or actions, even when they are unintentional.

• Don’t force your child to say sorry. It doesn’t teach them empathy. Instead, focus on why an apology is needed.
• Don’t allow your child to think that “Sorry” is a free pass for misbehaviors. Kids who learn to apologize and get it over with aren’t learning to accept responsibility for their behaviors. Actions do speak louder than words.
• Teach your child to do an apologetic action when he or she is sorry. This can be a hug, an offer to share a toy, or another action appropriate response.
• Be careful of the blame game, especially between siblings. I have been witness to several disagreements between my children where I honestly cannot tell with certainty who is the responsible party for the behavior, even though I might have my suspicions. I encourage them to take ownership for their individual contributions.
• Ask them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes, and ask questions about how they would feel. Encourage them to use words that reflect emotions – frustration, anger, sadness, uncertainty – as well as words that clearly state the reality. “I hit Sam with my block on the head because I was mad he took my doll. His head got hurt and he is angry and sad.” This is a great opportunity to demonstrate empathy.
• Read good books and tell stories where apologies were needed and made. I was recently doing a read aloud with my kids of the classic story “Summer of the Swans” and it has several great scenes where apologies were needed, and not easy to make. My boys talked about how hard it can be sometimes, but that real apologies make everyone feel better.

Apologies are never easy, no matter how old we get. It is most important, however, to teach our kids to do more than just say “Sorry” for their wrongs. They need to learn from us as we set examples, and they need to learn the actions that support the words.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/-krvoLsdlH4/