10 Ways to Ease Ear Infections

Tags: doctors, ear infections, ears, healthy children, hearing, hearing loss, pediatricians, senses

• Tweet

• Tweet

Help You and Your Child Survive Painful Ear Infections

If you have ever awakened to a screaming baby, only to search for the source of the distress and be baffled by an apparent lack of it, you might have experienced your child’s first ear infection. Ear infections are painful inflammations that can be caused by viruses or bacteria, and children tend to suffer more from middle ear infections than other age populations.

Your child is reacting to the pain caused by the swelling and possible infection. The following is not intended to be medical advice (please see your child’s doctor or medical caregiver for all of those related questions), but practical, experience driven ideas from a mom (me) who raised 4 children who had ear infections, my youngest suffering the most through severe bouts of pain and discharge. At the age of 9 months my youngest went from being an extremely happy baby, even nicknamed Smiley by many, to a sad, frustrated, and aching baby with recurring ear infections. We tried more routes and remedies than I thought possible, each with their own merits and success rates.

1. Warm Packs – Alleviate some of the pain your child is feeling by holding a warm washcloth or pack to the outside of the ear. This can sooth the ache and keep your child from scratching at the ear.
2. Sleeping Positions – Often babies and children will be in more pain when lying down because of the pressure on the ears, which is why night-time can be so trying for everyone. Look for safe and age appropriate ways to help your child sleep in a reclined position (always follow doctors’ safety guidelines). My toddler spent many nights in my arms as I sat in the recliner or on the sofa, allowing his head to be raised and resting on my chest.
3. Antibiotics – Again, check with your doctor. There are specific cases when antibiotics are warranted, but not every ear infection is a call for medication.
4. Good Health Care – I know this is easier said than done sometimes, but I still have regrets from not listening more closely to my intuition. My son’s doctor kept telling me that even though my toddler was suffering from almost constant ear infections, this was “how we get averages” and that by the numbers it would all even out in the end. I didn’t want my son to be the leader on this scale, so I demanded a referral (which our insurance required) to an audiologist or face a letter to the clinic board from one very irate mother. The referral came and the audiologist confirmed my son should have been in there a year earlier.
5. Ear Drops – There are medicated ear drops available that help relieve the pain of ear infections. If your child is suffering from the relentless pain of recurring infections, talk with her doctor about this option.
6. Ear Plugs – Water in the ear can aggravate sensitive ear canals. Instead of just grabbing inexpensive plugs from the store, go to an audiologist’s office and request a specially fitted pair. They can cost $20 or more, but are well worth the investment (and often available without a prescription).
7. Diet – Yes – I breastfed my son, but for him that did not seem to deter his rate or severity of ear infections. Many studies do show that breastfed babies tend to have lower rates of ear infections than do bottle fed babies. As he became older and developed a more encompassing diet I experimented with limiting dairy and other possible trigger foods with no effect on his ear infections.
8. Natural Pathogen Doctors – These specialists go beyond the possibilities of basic dairy and wheat allergies and can assess your child for extensive ranges of triggers. Insurance coverage varies for these programs, and it is often necessary to complete the assessment and work through possible treatment plans on a gradual time schedule.
9. Tubes – This surgical option was the one that we finally reached when our son was 2 years old. He suffered from so many ear infections, sometimes transitioning from one ear healing, but having the other one become inflamed and infected without even a day between the two. I knew that tubes were really his only option when he began to lose his speech he had already acquired – he hummed instead of speaking those ever-important words and phrases that toddlers are usually working on at this stage. Even after his surgery his doctor came out and told us that his ears were still so inflamed and infected from constant fluid build-up that he saw no other option than to help create a drainage passage for the fluid through the tubes.
10. A Break – If your child is suffering from recurring ear infections, you are more than likely getting less sleep, dealing with the emotions and pain your child is enduring, and feeling the stress of it all. Just as with any stressful health issue, don’t forget to take time to care for yourself so that you can be a better caregiver for your child. Maybe Grandma can come and snuggle for a few hours with your baby, or your neighbor can do a load of laundry for you. Take a bath or go for a walk, but give yourself permission to take a break from the situation. You will all feel better for it.

The sometimes excruciating symptoms of ear infections in children can make life very frustrating and filled with pain for your child. I’ll never forget the day my husband called me at the salon at said I needed to meet him in town and take our son home – he was screaming and my husband thought it was caused by diaper rash. By the time I got my son home I thought I would be peeling back skin along with the diaper because he was so miserable. But lo and behold, I saw no significant sign of a diaper rash, and instantly realized the pain and screaming must be caused by an ear infection (or an invisible elephant stepping on his toes).

Seeing your child in pain for any reason can be difficult, and finding a solution is not always easy. My biggest regret is that I did not switch doctors sooner and that my son had to suffer pain and the effects of sensory overload and misperceptions as a result of reduced hearing, at a time in a child’s life when it is so crucial to development. No matter which options you pursue, make sure you talk about them with your doctor or medical professional, and you find an approach that helps your child live a healthier, happier life.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/oKw9nO7IbL4/

5 Dangerous Shortcuts for Kids

Tags: academics, shortcuts, shortcuts on meals and health, shortcuts on safety, shortcuts on time

• Tweet

• Tweet

Shortcuts are good, right? We can get to our destinations faster, reach our goals with speed, and mark one more thing off of our lists. But what if in the process of taking shortcuts we teach our kids a dangerous approach to life? While there might be an app for just about everything, instant gratification and shortcuts can lead to children who might get things done, but have no idea why they did them. Shortcuts are nice for paths through the woods, but sometimes we just need to show our children the long way so that they have time to see on which road they are travelling.

(And sometimes go along for the ride, too.)

I’m not referring to the path from your house to the park, or just sweeping around the rug instead of shaking out the rug and getting rid of the hidden dust-bunnies beneath. I am referring to those things in life that for whatever reason (often technology), we have developed shortcuts to save time, energy, and money. These are all good things to save, but the danger is that our kids aren’t understanding some key foundational components in life because they just download an app instead. Some of the shortcuts are just not safe, either.

1. Cell Phone Numbers – I recently had the frightening realization that without my cell phone contact list, I could not tell you the phone numbers of my children’s cell phones, and I doubt they could do the same for me. It is time to get back to memorizing a few of those important phone numbers by heart for the inevitable time when technology fails.
2. Manic Meals – No wonder children in America are facing an obesity epidemic. We are taking shortcuts with the very things that are supposed to be sustaining them and building healthy people – their diets. I admit I’ve hit a drive thru more than once because it would “save time” – but what are the long-term costs to our kids? Consider bulk preparations of meals in advance to help rescue you from falling into this trap. My husband does a great job of this each week, taking frozen veggies and combining them with seasonings and chicken and storing them for his workday lunches. Pack healthy snacks ahead of time to diminish the likelihood that you will take the drive thru or vending machine shortcut with your kids.
3. Family Time – If you consider “family time” to be the hours you spend each week commuting together, be careful you aren’t trading in real quality time. Driving together can be a great way to have quiet moments to talk, but make a concerted effort to turn off the tunes and get a real conversation going. Sitting in front of the television together as each family member randomly does homework, checks email, and texts friends doesn’t qualify, either. Family time needs to be real, dedicated time – and no time for shortcuts.
4. Academics – There is the age-old debate over whether or not kids should use calculators to solve those unending long division problems. True – so many things in life are now automated and the need is decreasing for these skills on demand. Technology advances give our kids tools, such as calculators, that enhance learning. An interesting study even makes the case for why our kids should use calculators at all grade levels. However, we need to be absolutely certain our children understand the basic concepts before we let them utilize these types of shortcuts.
5. Manners – TIA for not allowing your child to use abbreviations and codes for communicating with me, even if it is faster. I miss the days when kids used full and complete sentences, void of any confusing acronyms. Encourage your kids to write thank you letters, put away the cell phone when conversing with people, and stop running through their days like their pants are on fire and they can’t stop to acknowledge their family, neighbors, or even peers. It might be faster and more productive to move through life with lightning speed, but sometimes the road itself is more important than the time it takes us to cross the finish line.

I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. – Robert Frost

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/kXObYwAT_rY/

• Tweet

• Tweet

Would you ever consider telling your 5-year-old to shove the ballerina next to her in the recital to give your daughter the advantage? Or would you smile if your 3-year-old son poked the soccer goalie in the eye so he couldn’t see the ball anymore? Of course (hopefully) not! But somewhere between teaching our children basic sportsmanship etiquette when they are preschoolers, the messages are getting lost, until gradually they sometimes disappear entirely. While the recent scandal in the NFL where players are accused of intentionally injuring opponents in exchange for bonuses might be an extreme example, it does highlight the emphasis that our society places on winning above everything, and the downfall of sportsmanship.

As a mom of 4 very active children I am surrounded by sporting events, quiz bowl competitions, and academic contests, during which I have witnessed amazing sportsmanship, as well as a profound lack of it. There are two underlying themes I see when watching the engagements of kids during competition.

1. The behaviors of parents are fairly accurate indicators of the sportsmanship that will be displayed by the child.
2. Children who have never lost or failed tend to be the least equipped with sportsmanship skills.

Power of Parents

If you doubt the power of parents when it comes to developing sportsmanship skills, just sit and observe a typical, upper elementary or high school athletic event, but pay more attention to the adults in the stands than the kids on the field. The children who sneer at their opponents, play dirty, and gloat when victorious will most often have the parents who trash talk, applaud dirty plays, and take personal pride in the victory of their children. You know the ones – they appear to be missing their own high school days immensely and want to vicariously live through their kids.

Power of Losing

My oldest son once shared a very insightful thought with me.

I am so glad I lost so many matches when I first started wrestling. It taught me how to be a better winner.

As much as parents and children alike want the big W – Win – by their name, the lessons in losing are powerful. It often isn’t until a child has lost a game, match, or contest that he truly understands how it feels to be at the bottom of the list. I admit it was hard for me to watch my son struggle through his matches, competing against far more experienced athletes. But I too saw the lessons it taught. When he finally earned his first win his internal reaction was not evident on the mat – it was subdued and respectful of the other wrestler and coach. While he was shouting with excitement on the inside, he understood how hard the other wrestler had worked and didn’t want to take away from that effort by being outwardly boastful. Win, lose, or draw, his reactions on the mat were the same – a handshake and pat on the back to the opponent with the words “Good match”, and a “Thank you” to the opposing coach and referee.  

Teaching Kids Sportsmanship

Start young. When you play checkers, Go Fish, or tag in the front yard, always end the game with a smile and handshake. Focus on the experience you had – That was fun playing kickball with you, even though I fell at 2^nd base!

Don’t always just let your child win. You are setting her up for disappointment and frustrations if she never experiences loss. While you might think that beating her at Memory is unfair, it is actually much better that she experience loss in a safe and secure environment where the loss is insignificant.

Watch your own reactions. Children will soak up our sportsmanship skills (or lack thereof) faster than they can kick a soccer ball. Even when you’re playing in your own adult league softball, make sure that your kids see you practice what you preach.

Help them right the wrongs. If you witness your child displaying poor sportsmanship, immediately step in and correct the situation. This can be done smoothly and without harsh confrontation, with even a simple reminder such as: I know you are frustrated you lost. Now you need to go back and shake that boy’s hand with dignity.

Set clear expectations. Kids don’t always realize their behaviors are displays of poor sportsmanship. Make sure they understand that there are many subtle ways they can be acting as “poor sports” that won’t be tolerated (even if the team coach doesn’t seem that affected or concerned).

• Name calling or trash talking
• Dirty plays
• Blaming teammates for mistakes/bad plays/etc.
• Arguing with referees and coaches
• Over-the-top celebrating and showboating
• Temper tantrums

Learning good sportsmanship skills is an evolutionary process for kids, but it will make their experiences in athletics and competitions more rewarding for everyone. This last weekend I saw that in full when I watched as one of my children competed in his first curling tournament. His was recognized as the youngest team to participate, but they were clearly some of the kids displaying the best sportsmanship. After every shot the boys gave each other knuckles – even when the shots failed. Yes – their inexperience showed and they left the tournament placing 2^nd to last. But as I listened to others who were watching them curl say “Look at those little kids – they know how to be on a team,” I knew that my son’s team had won that weekend at developing character through sportsmanship.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/H3xfSm1fXtk/

Healthy Friendships for Kids

Tags: friends, friendships, healthy friendships, kids and friends, toxic friends

• Tweet

• Tweet

Helping Children Navigate the Struggles of Friendships

Friends – from the preschoolers who share sandbox toys to the teens who share secrets, these can be the people who help our children learn more about themselves and grow to be healthy adults. As much as we might want our children to grow to be strong, independent people, the reality is that humans are social creatures that rely and thrive on close interpersonal relationships. Studies have even shown that as people age, they are 22% more likely to live longer if they have safe, secure, nurturing friendships when compared to those without these connections. For centuries humans have lived and moved as social creatures, and our children are no exception to these formations of relationships.

How can we teach our children the values of friendship?

To have a friend you must be a friend. It really is a true phrase, but it is not enough to simply hang a note with it as a reminder on the fridge and expect our children to develop into good, nurturing friends. Like so many things in life one of the best ways to teach our children how to be good friends is to be in healthy friendships ourselves.

• Talk with your kids about why you value your friends.
• Engage your kids in your own friendships – they don’t have to come for coffee with you but they should know who this person is and why you love getting coffee with her.
• Show your children how you are a good friend. Perhaps your friend is ill so you take her family a meal, or maybe you send a daily joke or prayer by email. Let your kids know why you take this extra time.
• Let your kids know why your friendships struggle. You don’t have to engage your kids into the gory adult details, but you can talk about bigger issues of trust, respect, and support that affect friendships.
• Admit to your kids when you make mistakes with friends, and show them how you make amends.
• Help your child recognize healthy friendships and be watchful that they are being good friends as well.

Healthy Friendships

Encourage and reward healthy behaviors. If your child declines to join in a group and tease another child, a true friend would walk away with your child, not criticize her for declining to join in this behavior.

Help kids face adverse situations. Adversity comes in many forms, but true friends

Don’t require your child to change who he is in order to be good enough.

Toxic Friendships

“People with social connections feel more relaxed and at peace.” says Tasha Howe, PhD. Unfortunately this is not always true and there are times in our lives when we realize that either our own or the friendships our kids have with others are not healthy. These friendships become increasingly unbalanced, and the benefits no longer outweigh the energy required to sustain them.

It is hard to lose a friend, but I think even more difficult to watch our children struggle with their own friendships and relationships. In an age when kids are going through a social revolution of technology enriched and affected relationships, we need to be careful as parents and caregivers that we watch for signs that our children are in friendships that are more detrimental than bountiful.

Toxic Friends Are

• Unsupportive and critical
• Draining of energy and self-esteem
• Unequal in their treatment of your child or others
• Unsatisfied with what your child has to offer as a person
• Smothering in demands of time, expectations, or energy
• Unenthusiastic for the accomplishments of those they call friends

Signs Your Child Has Toxic Friendships

• Your child displays more behavior problems after spending time with this friend.
• Your child is more critical of herself and has lower self-esteem after spending time with this friend.
• Your child is often adjusting his own beliefs to match his friend’s.
• Your child seems more focused on pleasing this friend than on staying true to herself.
• Your child has lowered her standards for herself and others after being in this relationship.

There will be struggles and changes in friendships for your children, just as there are struggles and friendships in their lives. Sometimes in their lives the most pain has come from those who they considered to be friends, but I know that these moments are also teaching them important lessons about friendships they will need the rest of their lives. As I have watched my own kids evolve as friends, I have also watched them be blessed with solid, secure, and caring relationships. One of the biggest gifts a parent can receive is a true friend for their child. Thanks to all my kids’ true friends (and their parents for teaching them the values of friendship)!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/HCtdHSx9tpo/

• Tweet

• Tweet

Family is our choice. Those were the words my 8 year-old posed to me recently. He was making the eloquent argument for why he thought one ginormous celebratory party was in order for his birthday. While typically we give the kids a choice for birthday parties – friends at the zoo or a sleepover, family over for dinner and cake – my son challenged my definition of family. He made his invitation list and when I looked I saw that he had included aunts, uncles, cousins, and entire families – not just the children with whom he plays. I gave a gentle reminder to him that he could do something with friends for his birthday or have family over to celebrate. He looked at me, titled his adorable head, and taught me a lesson.

Mom. You are the one who always says we can make our own families. We can treat our friends like family. I don’t want anyone to feel left out, so I want everyone I consider family to be invited.

Hmmmm. I thought about all of those people in my smallish country home. In a Minnesota winter. He saw an opening in my hesitation and pursued.

Mom. Roman (our dear friend) is our family. You even said so. He celebrates Christmas with us.

It is true – when my children created their family tree as a genealogy project they added Roman, who good-naturedly agreed that he would play the part of the tree house.

Mom. You say that family is what we make of it. Our friends are our family. Besides. Some of my family aren’t really my friends.

Spoken with the honesty of youth.

Most people (99.8%) by definition consider a married couple with children to be a traditional family. Even a married couple without children is considered by 92% to qualify as a family. A report from ABC News gave the rundown of the modern American definitions of families.

• 39.96% of people believe that an unmarried couple living together is a family.
• 83% of people believe that if you add kids to that unmarried, cohabitating couple that it becomes a family.
• 64% of people surveyed felt that a gay couple raising children together qualified as a family.
• 51% of people believe that pets are included in the definition of family.
• And 60% of people agree with my 8-year-old – if you consider yourself a family, you are a family.

Other more scientific studies conclude that families do not necessarily have to share biological ties, but they do share similar goals. Protection, sheltering, and providing food are all qualities of family members according to Dr. Murray Bowen. He claims that family members interact with each other throughout series of reciprocal interactions (you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours), and that at times they can live under the “same emotional skin.”

The definition of family in America and the world is evolving, both legally and socially. Just watch the popular show Modern Family and you can see signs of these changes. Research does show that family engagement – the active participation in family structures – is beneficial to everyone involved, but especially the development of children.

So as I looked at my child who was clearly forming his own definition of family I realized that somewhere along the way my own had adjusted as well. I grew up in a huge crazy Irish-German family, and always had plenty of cousins – more than 50 in all – to go around. I love that family. But I also love the family I have created with my husband, our children, and our dear friends.

The house filled with our eclectic family for the party, and the Minnesota winter was kind to our crowded party and gave us 60 degree temperatures so we could spill comfortably outside and into the yard. I looked at the faces of my brother and sister, nephews, Roman, and all of the other friends gathered to celebrate and I made my own wish as my son blew out the candles on his cake. I hope my children always have this feeling of family, no matter how it comes to be.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/ZBO00EtFXrU/

Mom’s Most Important Business Partner: Dad

Tags: dads helping moms, partners and parents, work-at-home, work-at-home mom, working mom

• Tweet

• Tweet

Why your spouse can be the best asset to your work-at-home job

Work-at-home mom is redundant. It implies that there are moms, and then there are moms with jobs that require work. However, I still can recognize the inherent differences and I consider myself a work-at-home mom because I have outside work for which I am responsible (and I don’t mean the lawn – although I am responsible for that, too). As a work-at-home mom I spend a good chunk of time at the computer writing, on the sofa editing, and in the kitchen sticking notes on the counter as I brainstorm my way through the supper dishes. For the most part I cloud commute, rarely meeting clients face-to-face, but I do occasionally have meetings and appointments that take me away from home. Add in to these responsibilities my main job as Mom, and homeschool Mom on top of that, and I absolutely couldn’t do it without the cooperation of my husband.

This year my husband honored me with a mug emblazoned with Domestic Engineer across it, and we shared a smile as we both recalled the times that aren’t so easy (or fun) when moms like me try to find their way into their roles of work-at-home moms. Along the way I’ve developed some strategies and realized some important lessons when it comes to work and my most valuable partner – my husband.

Be Proactive

Being a work-at-home mom requires the scheduling dexterity of a time-savvy ninja and the energy of an 8 year-old who was fed caffeinated pop at Grandma’s. Sit down and have a positive, non-accusing conversation with your partner and explain your workload. If he is gone during a portion of the day he simply is not there to understand what your needs and goals are. Don’t wait until you are frustrated with an overload and you explode sticky notes and dirty laundry all over the place.

Be Specific

Don’t just say you have work to do and you need some quiet time. Say, “I have at least 3 hours of editing (or whatever your task might be). Please take the kids out of the house from 4-7 so that I can complete this work and meet my deadline.” If you need his help finishing the load of laundry, doing the dishes, or driving the kids to and from practice, be specific and don’t expect him to read your mind and your hectic schedule.

Be Thankful

If your partner listens to your needs or anticipates your needs and actively helps you accomplish what you need to do, let him know! Tell him right away how much you appreciate his efforts. Then make sure you also regularly acknowledge those efforts by reciprocating in some way. Sometimes I even just tuck notes inside my husband’s briefcase that let him know I noticed and was thankful for something as simple as how he swiftly ushered the kids outside when I received an unexpected business call.

Be Present

If you say that you have 3 hours of work to complete that evening, don’t suddenly look up after spending 5 hours at the computer and wonder why he might be upset. Make sure you find a way to devote time and energy to your partner like he sees you devoting to your work. I appreciate it when my husband comes home from work and puts the laptop away for the evening and devotes time to us as a family. It can be challenging when my work always just seem to be here for me to do the same, but I need to be conscious of not letting the lines between work and family get too blurred.

Working at home while actively being a mom is rewarding, exhausting, and empowering. Without the support of my husband, it would be too overwhelming to do each day, and impossible to do well at all.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/AZBwmEosKts/

• Tweet

• Tweet

And They’ll Quit Acting Like Crazy Teens

If you’re the parent of a tween or teen, it might be hard to imagine a society where those turbulent years don’t exist. But did you know that some societies in the world don’t even have adolescents? They completely skip this phase of growth – moving their children right into adulthood. Teenage years exist for chronological purposes, but not for a stage in life characterized by unbridled teenage tantrums, social experimenting gone awry, and irresponsible behaviors.

An article by Robert Epstein, Let’s Abolish High School, discusses an interesting theory. The teenage years are turbulent because we force teens to conform to the regulation and mundane madness of high school when they are actually capable of entering the adult world. Eighteen is the magic number in America – when you can vote, obtain certain jobs, or sign a rental agreement. However, years ago the teenage years were a time when people got married, had full-time jobs, and moved into their own, individual lives. Were they forced into this too early, or are we now holding kids back?

The argument is made by Epstein and within the research he cites that the increasing levels of restrictions we are placing on children are resulting in children who are infantilized – forced to remain at immature levels longer than necessary, or even healthy. In Epstein’s research he notes that teens today have twice the number of restrictions on them as incarcerated felons. They are in essence shackled by the lack of faith and trust we have in their abilities and maturity. Teenagers actually possess strengths that far surpass those of some “adults” in several areas: memory, intelligence, and perception.

An absolutely fascinating study from Harvard in the 1980s shows that as Western models of schooling (our traditional brick and mortar, grouped by age, compulsory attendance models) increase, so does teenage turbulence. In societies that adopt Western education methods, teenagers act like – well – teenagers. But in societies that allow for the freedom of the differences in learning styles, motivations, and circumstances of teens, the word teenagers does not conjure up images of reckless and combatant individuals. The social and emotional craziness of adolescents we see in countries like America are direct results of how we separate teenagers from the real world.

Imagine you are holding back a lion. The lion has strength, drive, motivation, and determination, but you don’t let it go after what it wants to pursue. It will fight you, scratch you, and search for a way to get free. After so many years of searching it is finally released – not because of behavior or earning a level of trust – but simply because it remained caged for a specified period of time. Maybe it lost motivation, a sense of direction, or has become frustrated and lashes out, or even just got bored and began bad habits. Our children might sometimes act like beasts because we treat them as such. We fear their fearlessness.

How Can We Leave Turbulent Teen Years Behind?

I’m not saying my 13-year-old is ready to rule the world, get a full-time job, and leave on a cross-country adventure. However, as a homeschool parent, I can attest to the power of self-directed learning and pursuing opportunities that interest the individual. It is the private joke among homeschoolers that our children never quite know in what grade they are, because we don’t define them so rigidly. When we stop leading our kids every moment of every single day, they can achieve far more than we give them credit for in typical circumstances.

Give them responsibilities. It is scary in this world where we see dark demons around every virtual corner, but we can’t prepare our kids for life beyond age 17 if we only keep them sheltered. Responsibilities are different from free reign – responsibilities like jobs at home and in the neighborhood build character and skills. Free reign is a teenage disaster waiting to happen.

Push for competency based progression. Our education system is built on compulsory rules – attend school for so many hours each day for each year of your life until you are a legal adult. Then you are magically ready. This method doesn’t teach children how to learn or how to love learning, it just forces them to be present – sometimes with no participation required. Competency based models of education allow for students to move forward when they are ready, in directions they wish to pursue.

Give them incentives. Our current methods don’t motivate our teens to progress. When they are given the freedoms to move in their own directions, they receive the responsibilities that go with those freedoms. For some kids this might mean moving through school at a faster rate, or for others it might be the opportunity to start their own business. (Sometimes the fastest way kids learn they need an education is to be set upon the world without one.)

Homeschooling is not for everyone – not every child or every parent. However, it does reflect one model of effective learning. The advances in virtual classrooms and more individualized programs (in a way a throwback to the days of apprenticeships), can make it possible for our children to grow to be contributing, happy, productive adults. Even if some of that happens before they blow out 18 candles.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/i0e3pegd4N0/

17 Fun St. Patrick’s Day Activities for Kids

Tags: celebrate with kids, holidays, st patricks day, st. patrick’s day crafts

• Tweet

• Tweet

Celebrate Spring with St. Patrick’s Day Stories, Games, and Crafts

St. Patrick’s Day is one of my favorite holidays – it represents my Irish heritage, but it is also a wonderful time as a mom to have some good old fashioned fun with my children. Each year we like to get creative, get green, and celebrate in style. Try some of these ideas for your own St. Patrick’s Day celebration – even if you’re not Irish. Celebrating holidays with your kids is an easy and memorable way to connect with them and the world around your family.

1. Share a story about St. Patrick. No matter what your religious beliefs might be, the story of St. Patrick can spark both the imagination and curiosity of your child. Find a book at your library or watch these cute videos for kids. The first is a Veggie Tale rendition, and the next is a creative twist with LEGOs. 
2. Go green. Color can be an effective visual tool for kids. Encourage them to wear green clothing, and don some yourself. If your wardrobe is short on this traditional emerald-isle color, grab some green construction paper and help your little one make a leprechaun hat for the occasion.
3. Learn about leprechauns. Share this fun information with your kids and encourage them to come up with ideas about where a leprechaun could hide gold in your house. 
4. Paint a rainbow (and leave a treasure). The easiest way I have found for little ones to paint a sturdy rainbow is to take a paper plate and cut it in half, then trim out a half circle from the middle of one half to achieve the rainbow shape. These paper-plate rainbows are usually sturdy enough after the paint dries to hang them with ribbon or string from a window or doorway. St. Patrick’s Day morning, leave behind a treasure cup for your child at the end of the rainbow!
5. Make a pot of gold. Take an empty baby food jar and have your child paint it black. Take gold or yellow mini craft pom-poms and have your child glue them in a stack on top of the lid to represent the gold, or even take cottons balls and glue sequins or glitter on top of the cotton. For the treasure have family members write what they love about each other on strips of paper and place them in the jar.
6. Trap a leprechaun. Get out the blocks, craft supplies, or even LEGOs and challenge your kids to use their budding engineering skills to create a leprechaun trap. Your child can take an empty shoe box and decorate it with enticing symbols and colors, then prop it up with a stick or other object. Have your child leave a trail of Lucky Charms cereal to the box and wait for the sneaky leprechaun to take the bait!
7. Visit Ireland (virtually). Ireland is a beautiful land full of history. Get out the globe, some maps, and visit Ireland online with your kids.  
8. Play Leapin’ Leprechauns. Leprechauns have to move quickly and quietly. Set up an obstacle course for your kids in the backyard and give each child a plastic spoon with either a gold craft pom-pom or yellow cotton ball on top (to represent the pot of gold). The challenge is to make it through the obstacle course without dropping the treasure (craft pom-pom) from the spoon. Give extra points for kids who can remain quiet – leprechauns always want to carry their treasure with them and stay as quiet as possible around humans!
9. Make a Blarney Stone. I just even love the name of this one! The Blarney Stone is a stone that is set in a rock in Blarney Castle in Ireland, and legend has it that kissing the Blarney Stone will give the kisser the ability to be a smooth talker – or as we call it in our house – full of blarney. Help your kids find a rock and let them paint it (like an Irish version of a pet rock). Some kids find it fun to put lipstick on and kiss the rock, leaving their telltale lip prints of the proof that they are full of blarney.
10. Cook a traditional meal. Cabbage and corned beef are the traditional menu items, but you can also add in items like potatoes, soda bread, and supplement with fun sides like kid-friendly grasshopper shakes. Take ice cream or yogurt and blend with milk, peppermint flavoring, and green food coloring for a festive treat!
11. Decorate with clovers. The clover is a symbol of St. Patrick’s Day because the legend is that St. Patrick used the clover to teach about the Trinity – the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Show your kids how to make paper heart cut outs from green paper and add 3 together to make a shamrock. Make a string of them to hang as garland from doorways. Kids can also create their own placemats with shamrock stickers or by taking heart shaped cookie cutters and using them as stencils – drawing 3 of them slightly overlapping as if the bottom point of the hearts formed the center of the shamrock.
12. Bake a lucky treat. Talk about why the shamrock represents Ireland and St. Patrick with your kids and then take a can of premade pizza crust/breadstick dough and help your child roll the dough and form pretzel shapes with them. Sprinkle with your favorite seasonings and bake as directed. The 3 arms of the pretzel shape also represent the idea of the Trinity.
13. Listen to Irish music. My children have grown up on Irish tunes, as I did as a child. There are some fun and lively selections, as well as contemplative ones that reflect some of the more difficult times in Irish heritage. The following are some great classics:
1. Danny Boy
2. Marvelous Toy
3. An Irish Lullaby
14. Make a snake craft. St. Patrick was credited with driving the snakes out of Ireland. This is an easy snake craft made from a TP roll for the kids to wear on their arms.
15. Attend a parade (or make one yourselves). Many cities have St. Patrick’s Day parades, but if you don’t have one near you, help your kids create one for your family, or even your neighborhood. Of course anything green is a great place to start!
16. Send the kids on a scavenger hunt for gold (chocolate). This is a great activity for kids of all ages. Emerging readers can decipher picture clues, and older children can be challenged with codes and complicated clues. For a family friendly event, create different clues for different people, that way you can customize the levels, but have everyone work together toward the same goal.
17. Discover your own heritage as a family! I’ve always known I was partly of Irish heritage, and I have wanted to pass that along to my children. Use your local historical society and great tools online to learn more about your family history. Even if there isn’t a drop of Irish, you’re bound to find more ways to celebrate together as a family!  

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/negq_SY_07E/

Teaching Kids Non-Verbal Communication

Tags: better communication, communicating with boys, communicating with kids, communicating with teens, communication, non-verbal communication

• Tweet

• Tweet

My kids say they know my looks. There is the look that says “Who just shot me in the butt with a Nerf dart?” and the one that says “You are one of my favorite people in the world.” Non-verbal communication is a key component for connecting with and understanding the world around us. As parents there are several ways we can increase our children’s understanding of non-verbal cues and help them to use them every day, starting when they are just babies in our arms.

• Look at your baby in the eyes when you talk to her, and don’t be afraid to make faces (the bigger the better!). Infants take special cues from our facial expressions. When our daughter was just weeks old I remember the joy my husband had when he got her to mimic his facial movements – elongated “O” with his mouth and nose scrunches drew the most attention from her.
• Use voice inflections that match your physical actions. If you are really happy, let your voice sound like it and make sure you do things like smile and give reaffirming nods.
• Play charades. Acting out words, phrases, and situations helps give kids tools for understanding and demonstrating non-verbal cues.
• Flip through a picture book or magazine with your child and ask him what he thinks the people are feeling or doing in each picture. Encourage him to make up a story about where the person might be going or thinking in the scene.
• Play the emotion game. Take a list of emotion words (excited, frustrated, embarrassed, etc.) and put them on individual slips of paper. Take turn drawing out a word and giving clues to the other person without using words. This is a great game to demonstrate how our body language on the outside can show how we are feeling on the inside.
• Watch a silent movie together. The non-verbal cues in these were tremendous, and the new film The Artist (for older kids) brings them back to life for us.
• Use white face paint and have fun together as mimes and exagerrated expressions.

Why is non-verbal communication so important?

Communication is a key component of any healthy relationship, and this includes the understanding of giving and receiving non-verbal cues. Researchers have noticed that those kids who tend to have a harder time fitting in – are maybe a little more awkward than their peers – are often the same kids who lack non-verbal communication skills.

Children who are not equipped with all of the tools needed for clear and healthy communication are at higher risks for social and emotional difficulties. These can even include children who suffer from depression or are more likely to engage in risky behaviors. They just don’t understand the world around them and how they do or don’t fit into it.

According to Nonverbal Communication: Teaching Your Child the Skills of Social Success, by Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D., there are different types of non-verbal communication that we need to include in our own ways we react, especially with our children so they can learn from us. These include:

• Appropriate facial expressions
• Awareness of personal space
• Awareness of appropriate touch
• Representation of ourselves through objects (how we dress, comb our hair, etc.)
• Representation of time (rushing, interrupting, respecting the time of others, etc.)
• Paralanguage (tone, projection, and intensity of our voices)

Communicating with kids isn’t always easy, so we need every extra tool we can get. So the next time I hear my kids say, “Uh-oh, Mom has that look,” I guess I should just smile and be happy they know what it means. However, if I smile they might think that my butt is an approved target for Nerf darts – which it is most definitely not.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/yTVfQyRGASg/

• Tweet

• Tweet

The Effects of Holding Kids Back for Kindergarten

Kindergarten just isn’t about colors, shapes, and numbers anymore. Unless the numbers you are talking about are the ages of the kids entering class. More Safer recently reported on 60 Minutes about the increasing trend of parents redshirting – holding their very young 5 year olds back and not entering them into kindergarten until age 6.

Author Malcom Gladwell wrote in his book Outliers about the cumulative advantage that children receive when beginning kindergarten later. If your child is older in kindergarten class, he will most likely be a little more ready to read. In 1^st grade that translates into a little more ready for higher reading courses, and in 2^nd grade a little more ready for social studies, and so on. Some even propose the idea that simply because the children are slightly taller they are perceived in their class to be more capable, and this translates into academics, among other things. It is the proverbial leg-up that children are being given, by well-intentioned parents, who want their kids to have every extra morsel of advantages.

These advantages extend beyond the academics, however, and into popularity issues, athletics, and even the psychological effects of not being able to get a driver’s license along with peers in order to drive on dates. The physical abilities of children when it comes to such things as dexterity and coordination are different from year to year, so older children on average can have more advantages when it comes to sports.

Where has Kindergarten Gone?

The world of kindergarten has moved beyond colors and letters, and along with increasing demands of standardized testing and more rigorous curriculum, parents are increasing their pleas to have their children ready for those challenges.

• The incidences of redshirting have tripled since the 1970s.
• Boys are twice as likely to be redshirted.
• White children are more likely to be redshirted.
• Wealthy children are more likely to be redshirted.
• As many as ¼ of kindergarten classes have redshirted children.

These numbers show the irony of redshirting being done by parents who have the least likelihood to have children to need it. Families with lower incomes are not as equipped to pay for daycare or expensive preschool costs for an extra year, so kindergarten entrance at age 5 becomes financially needed.

Parents interviewed by Shafer who chose to redshirt their children expressed their innate desire to give their children every advantage possible, even if it seems that it actually puts other children at a disadvantage. It might still be called kindergarten, but if it continues to filled with older and older children, is it still the same introductory class that it used to be? Hardly.

What Are the Consequences of Redshirting?

Yes – there is evidence that children who were redshirted go on to be more athletically capable and possess greater positions of leadership while in high school. These are the driving forces behind parents who choose this education path.

However, other researchers point to the negative consequences of redshirting, such as boredom and lack of initiative. If things always come a little bit easier for your child because he was the oldest and biggest in the class, he might grow to be less motivated, less capable of facing challenges, and less likely to be able to succeed in the real world where we aren’t divided by strict age guidelines.

As a homeschool parent we have seen these issues first-hand. Not persuaded by “what everyone else is doing”, we move our children through their academics at a pace that fits them. For my oldest son this meant me reporting him as a kindergartner to the school district when he was 4 – because he was ready. As a very athletic child, he is now as an 8^th grader almost always the youngest on his team – by 2 years in many cases as he goes up against those kids who were redshirted. It might be athletically easier for him to be competing against boys his own age, but my goals as a parent aren’t to make things easier or remove challenges. My goals are to teach my kids to find ways to meet challenges head-on while becoming their own unique individual people.

Were we not to homeschool I might have felt more inclined to just start him in kindergarten at age 5, but homeschooling has allowed us to clearly see that when kids aren’t pressured and influenced by the status of the their peers, that they can actually progress at levels that are more natural, and in many cases, more advanced. So, yes, he is the youngest and often on the smaller spectrum of his teammates in 8^th grade, but in virtually every other way he is maturing beyond his grade level.

If the move by parents is to wait on kindergarten because now kindergarten is about more than shapes and letters, maybe we need to be more focused on realigning kindergarten to reflect the realistic capabilities of children than parents are on realigning their children to be the best in the class. We aren’t raising show ponies – we are developing people.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/OKOW9QFNuMU/