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Is Attachment Parenting and Breastfeeding Extreme Parenting?

Have you seen the cover of the May 10^th issue of TIME Magazine? It, and the article to which it refers, is sparking controversy and debate over breastfeeding, especially when breastfeeding is associated with attachment parenting and “extreme parenting” as it is being called.

The article recently published in TIME discusses Dr. Sears and his promotion of attachment parenting, referring to this as extreme parenting. It almost sets up attachment parenting as a cult-like decision, following this wayward leader in creepy feeding habits. Even the subtitle adds divisiveness to the issue – asking if you are mom enough – implying that only mothers of certain calibers can do this.

The article really missed the boat, however, about two important issues – the flexibility of attachment parenting, and the reality of breastfeeding.

Attachment Parenting That Doesn’t Feel Extreme

One of the best things about attachment parenting is that it doesn’t have solid, rigid, and steel walls of regulations – you don’t have to become a card-carrying member. It wasn’t until after two of my four children were born that I even considered that my own parenting style followed many of the ideas of attachment parenting – it was just natural.

Some of the characteristics of attachment parenting include:

Co-sleeping (which doesn’t have to mean sleeping with your child until he is 13) and it can include

• a bassinet or crib near the parent’s bed
• a mattress or sleeping bag on the parent’s floor for toddlers/preschoolers
• a “side-car” sleeper which is basically a crib with 3 walls, and the 4^th side is adjacent to the parent’s bed (without a gap between mattresses)
• children sharing a room for sleeping

Time spent with children (attachment parenting doesn’t mean you force yourself into your child’s personal space, afraid to let them or you be alone).

• Parents pay attention to the cues their children give them about needs and communicatin.
• Even teenagers can benefit from attachment parenting, creating close relationships that help teens make better decision.

Breastfeeding (which is recommended by pediatricians at least until 1 year of age)

• Breast milk changes to meet the dietary and nutritional needs of infants and toddlers.
• As medical evidence shows, breastfeeding has numerous benefits for mothers and children, and some hospitals are searching for ways to encourage breastfeeding, such as by using kangaroo mother care.

Why This Cover Photo Sends the Wrong Message About Attachment Parenting and Breastfeeding

Jamie Grumet (the mother in the cover photo) wants to spark the debate and knows this picture will draw that kind of fire, but she does it because she wants a conversation started. Unfortunately, what it will most likely do is create a more divisive line. This is not because her choices in parenting are so extreme, but because the pose of the picture is all most people will see.

• They won’t see the tender look of a mother into her toddler’s eyes.
• They won’t see the nurturing bond that breastfeeding helps develop.
• They won’t see the nutritional or health benefits that young children receive from breast-milk.
• And if they don’t see those things, this picture only represents an awkward and uncomfortable connection between a mother and her son.
• The photographer readily admits that he chose the pose because it would “underline the point that this was an uncommon situation.” It probably is uncommon – for moms to breastfeed while standing with their kid on a chair. (If you visit Jamie’s blog you will see a much softer, warmer image of her with her children.)

The fact is that many in American society are uncomfortable with public breastfeeding, even of tiny and delicate infants. When you take away that infant and replace it with a running, climbing toddler, breastfeeding – especially with a full frontal view – seems even more extreme. It is just a guess, but I’m assuming that when Jamie Grumet breastfeeds her boys that she doesn’t stand with one hand on her hip, cooly staring ahead. Saturday Night Live actually made a bit of sense in their satire of the photo, calling out her icy stare down. Sometimes when we set out to prove a point by going with the shock factor, the only point we end up making is that if we pander to peoples’ preconceived ideas and push the envelope even more, we risk pushing them even further from where we hoped.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/fZEooRAFMZ4/

Are Your Kids Bored?

Tags: children and hobbies, healthy children, hobbies, hobbies for kids, hobby

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Why Your Kids Need a New Hobby

What hobbies do your kids have? I recently read an article at Better Homes Gardens where the parents of many kids couldn’t name a hobby their children enjoyed (even though they fondly remember their own from childhood). Between little league and after school clubs and commitments, kids are growing up with more programmed activities than actual hobbies – those things they choose for themselves because they really enjoy them.

Why Do Kids Need Hobbies?

Child psychologist Kenneth Condrell, Ph.D. claims that children who do not have hobbies or special interests do not know how to keep themselves occupied, and can even seem boring to potential friends (not to mention inclined to pester their parents regularly). They also tend to have lower self-esteem because they aren’t regularly involved in an activity that gives them a sense of accomplishment or competency. Other research shows that children with development delays and diagnoses of things like ADD can greatly benefit from pursuing hobbies. Their attention and focus on a task is encouraged, and when it is a topic about which they are passionate, they tend to see higher levels of success and rising levels of self-esteem.

When kids don’t have hobbies, however, they can end up being the kids who cry out “I’m, SO bored!” – because they really are. Hobbies give kids the opportunities for growth they might not otherwise experience and teach them much more than about just the particular activity.

Hobbies

• Teach kids about making goals (my boys are constantly figuring out how much money they need to save in order to buy the next yo-yo or LEGO set).
• Help them learn to socialize by connecting them to others with similar interests.
• Provide outlets for extra energy.
• Teach kids decision-making skills.
• Provide opportunities for developing public speaking, presentation, and organizational skills.
• Have the potential to lead to careers and lifelong interests.

How Can I Help My Child Find a Hobby?

Kids aren’t born with a paintbrush in one fist or a field guide to birds in the other. It can take time to uncover and develop hobbies, but when kids are given the opportunities to pursue their passions, they can often find their hobbies emerging.

• Take a class with your kids – but let them choose the activity.
• Give them guidance. If you don’t know anything about their interests, help them find someone who does.
• Provide a space and opportunity for them to pursue their interests. My boys know they must take their off-string yo-yos out of the house for practice. But I also allow yo-yoing in the living room when the tricks are controlled.
• Encourage them – even if you aren’t interested in the activity.
• Help them find ways to acquire the tools (but don’t be afraid to start small). Kids can change their minds like the wind blows, so avoid stocking up on expensive supplies right away.
• Encourage them to take it to the next level. I recently drove a vanload of boys to a state yo-yo competition where the kids took the stage in front of hundreds of people to do their yo-yo routines. They got to meet professionals in the field and be inspired. And all it cost was the gas money to get there.

What Kinds of Hobbies are There for Kids?

The list goes on and on, but all you have to do is search for books at the library, local organizations, or sites online for more information about the following possibilities.

• RC vehicles
• Puppetry
• Yo-yoing
• Dog/pet training and showing – my daughter has gone on to compete and do well with her dog, but has also combined this love with therapy dog visits – enhancing the lives of others as well as her own
• Knitting
• Jewelry making – my daughter just made a new “green” paper headband out of junk mail like the one she paid $15 for at the Mall of America
• Photography – digital cameras take away the prohibitive costs of developing dozens of rolls of film each day – just recharge the battery and empty the memory card!
• Stamp collecting
• LEGOs or other engineering toys – 2 of my boys are in LEGO league that takes their building to a whole new level
• Model cars and rockets – the price ranges are huge and the difficulty levels can keep teens occupied
• Videography
• Cooking
• Clowning
• Magic tricks
• Rock collecting – visit your local nature center for a start
• Bird watching – my daughter’s Biology professor often speaks of his childhood passion for bird watching, and how that led to his career (which he absolutely loves)

On several occasions I have had people say that they can’t believe I would become a dog training leader for youth to support my daughter’s hobby, or indulge the boys by taking them to yo-yo competitions. I usually respond with the same thing: There are so many worse things that a bunch of teenagers could want to do on a Saturday, so I’ll take my gifts where I can get them. Hobbies are gifts that our kids can give themselves, but that the rest of us are rewarded with as well. One of the best things about watching my children pursue their hobbies is the fire I see in their eyes. They experience self-discovery, motivation, and the feeling that comes from reaching their goals and enjoying the trip to get there (even if it includes a stinky van full of teenage boys).

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/MOYbeLl41wY/

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School is out for the summer… now what?

For children it can be one of their favorite times of year – summer vacation – but for parents it can mean stress over how to keep the kids busy, safe, and away from the video games 8 hours each day. If you’re a work-at-home mom or in a household where both parents work outside of the home, summer vacation for the kids can be challenging to weave into your workload and family responsibilities.

Summer Vacation and Work-at-Home Moms
How will you get anything done?

The kids are out of school and all they want to do is stay up late, swim every day, and run through the house leaving a trail of grass clippings and popsicle juice. Working at home can be challenging for parents during summer break from school, but there are a few strategies than can help everyone enjoy the summer sun (and still make deadlines for work).

Establish a routine. Consider what you and your kids most want to do this summer, then create a work schedule that allows for some of those things to happen. During the summer I take the early mornings to complete my work, as I have teens who like to sleep in and have slower starts to their days. The kids know that my work responsibilities must be met in order for us to go on and have some fun together, so they respect my need for routine.

Give the kids responsibilities. Household chores and yard-work help children build lifelong skills. These activities also help ease your workload around the house and keep the kids busy. Consider a schedule that has the kids doing their chores while you’re in work mode so that everyone has a similar schedule.

Keep your promises. If you tell the kids you will be finished by lunch so you can head to the beach, make sure you follow through with that. Your kids will learn to rely on your word and keep their own promises, but you will also all benefit from a break together.

Consider swapping kids with a friend. If you just need a few hours a week working at home alone, trade days or afternoons with a friend. You’ll both get “quiet time” and the kids will look forward to playing with their friends.

Help your kids find quiet summer hobbies. On those super-hot days when everyone wants to spend the afternoon hanging out in air-conditioning, have the kids try some new hobbies that will keep their hands and brains busy at the kitchen table. Painting, crafting, scrapbooking, sewing, or building model rockets and cars are all great boredom busters and can give you the time you need to catch up on work.

Wear them out. When the kids were younger our summers were spent running like crazy during the morning, hiking, going to the park, and ending at the library with a picnic lunch somewhere. By the time we got home they were ready to either nap or chill out and read their library books. I had a few hours to work, and then we still had time to head outside to enjoy the pool or another fun summer activity.

Summer Childcare

If your children are on the verge of “staying home alone” age, but not quite ready for the responsibility, appeasing them and keeping them safe can be a challenge. They don’t want to be in daycare, but you don’t want them fending for themselves for 8 hours each day while you work outside the home. It is time to find some compromises that will meet both of your needs.

• Find a responsible teenager (yes, they do exist) who can come to the house and hang-out with your kids, maybe take them to the pool, the park, and the library.
• Find a stay-at-home mom with older kids who is willing to have your children as an extra appendage to her family during the summer. It can provide both her and your kids with playmates, and give her a little extra spending cash. If exchanging cash is a challenge between friends, offer to spring for pool and zoo passes for everyone for the summer – a win-win for everyone.
• Consider allowing your children to stay home alone part-time (if they are old enough and ready for the responsibility). This might just be letting them get themselves ready for the day before a neighbor comes over to stay with them, or letting them spend the afternoons home alone once lunch is over. Easing into these roles can be valuable learning experiences for your kids.
• Try negotiating a summer work schedule. Maybe you can telecommute for one or two days each week, or rearrange a few hours every week to better fit with your partner’s work schedule so that one of you is home longer.

Summer vacation from school (even for us homeschoolers) can be filled with challenges of negotiating schedules. However, it should still be a time to explore, learn, and have opportunities to engage in fun activities. Even though as a work-at-home mom my workload doesn’t take a summer vacation, I still love evenings by the bonfire, tents in the backyard, and digging my toes in the sand with the kids. On those really good days, I even get a little work done while they splash by my feet. Pretty soon you’ll be a work-at-home woman and the kids will be spending summers at their own summer jobs – enjoy the chaos now.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/1RqXKE9pBRI/

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Bullying at the Ballpark – Parents Can Be the Loudest Losers

Parents take the fun out of everything. Kids have been thinking that for years, and sometimes I agree. Take one afternoon and sit at a ballpark, soccer field, dance studio, or ice rink and you will likely hear the calls and cajoles of parents cheering for the kids. I use the word cheering lightly because usually there is a mix of groaning, snide remarks, and general displays of un-sportsmanship-like behaviors. And these are all coming from the parents. Not only do parents take the fun out of everything, but they are teaching their children how to bully, reject others, and pass judgment, all in an afternoon of children’s fun.

Parents Teaching Bullying and Bad Behaviors

He can’t do it!

She’ll never make it!

He’s too slow!

These are all comments heard thrown around by parents who mistakenly think calling out like this equates to cheering at their children’s games. Now close your eyes and imagine a group of kids in a crowded school hallway. Can you imagine them calling these same things out about their peers – does it sound like they are bullying them? The lessons taught at home extend far beyond bed-making and shoe-tying.

Research shows that children who bully are far more likely to come from homes where bullying tactics are used by parents as well. Yelling, aggression (both verbal and physical), and emotional knife-twisting are all strategies that bullying parents use to elicit the behaviors they want to see from their children or other children. Some of the prevailing characteristics of bullies are that they:

• Lack social graces
• Have difficulty problem solving
• Are aggressive
• Struggle in school
• Think negative thoughts and speak negatively

If you translate those traits to the parents at the ballpark, you can almost envision the relationships between parents and kids, and see how the parents’ actions reflect the lessons they are teaching their children.

Parents lack social grace when they mutter under their breaths, a little too loudly, about the poor coaching or bad pitching. They are aggressive in their verbal onslaughts and bring a negative cloud to the game with their taunts and critiques. I was recently at a youth baseball game where a mother yelled loudly for every play – and a good portion of the time she was yelling negatives about the opposing team. It wasn’t difficult to pick out which child in the dugout belonged with her – loud, calling out offensives, and making the rest of us wish we had ear plugs.

Are Parents to Blame for Bullying?

As parents we can’t always predict or control the behaviors of our children – they are becoming individuals who learn to make their own decisions, and sometimes fail at doing so. However, research does show that parents can play major factors that contribute to bullying.

• Lack of empathy by parents translates into a lack of empathy for and by children.
• Insufficient or ineffective social skills being taught can lead to bullying and being bullied.
• Non-participatory parents (those who don’t know up at the games) can have similar negative effects.

What Do Parents Need to Do?

Parents are critical ingredients in positive, healthy families. They also are the ones who steer the ship, either in negative, bullying, degrading directions or on positive, encouraging, and enthusiastic paths. There are several things parents can do – both at home and when cheering for their children that will help get that ship headed in the right direction.

• Show up and follow the rule: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
• Cheer for your home team without cutting down a player in order to do it.
• Cheer for the other team – if they make an awesome play – you can acknowledge that.
• Pay attention to your own child, whether he is in the dugout or on the field. If he is the one acting like a loser, don’t let him get away with it. You can speak to his coach or address it personally, but don’t let him think that type of behavior is acceptable (it can also be a real clue for you how he is acting in school).

Parents and coach – remember that it is just a game. Some children will never go beyond a single season, while others might pursue it as a life’s passion. But we don’t know those outcomes, yet, so in the meantime use the game to represent how you should treat others, and maybe your kids will learn a little something on the side.

ALONE AT THE PLATE
[Inside the front cover of the book, You Can
Teach Hitting, by Dusty Baker]

He pulls on a helmet, picks up the bat,
and walks to the plate, “gotta hit and that’s that.”

The crowd starts to yell, the game’s on the line,
last inning, two outs, the score’s nine to nine.

Dad yells, “Go get it,” Mom wrings her hands,
Coach hollers, “hit it,” but alone there he stands.

Heros are made in seconds such as this,
but he’s just a little boy, what if he should miss ??
Years after the game’s ended and he’s little no more,
will he remember the outcome or even the score ??

No he’ll have forgotten if he was out, hit or a run,
he’ll only look back on his friends and the fun.

So cheer this boy on, alone with his fate,
help him remember with fondness this stand at the plate.

Spend your time wisely and help in his quest
to be a hitter with confidence and always do his best.
And when the game’s over, this boy can stand tall,
for you’ve helped him prepare to give it his all!!  

HE IS JUST A LITTLE BOY

(author unknown)

He stands at the plate,
with his heart pounding fast.
The bases are loaded,
the die has been cast.

Mom and Dad cannot help him,
he stands all alone.
A hit at this moment,
would send the Team home.

The ball meets the plate,
he swings and he misses.
There’s a groan from the crowd,
with some boos and some hisses.

A thoughtless voice cries,
strike out the bum.
Tears fill his eyes,
the game’s no longer fun.

So open your heart,
and give him a break.
For it’s moments like this,
a man you can make.

Please keep this in mind,
when you hear someone forget.
He is just a little boy,
and not a man yet

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/P7-5-5H-iww/

Avoid the Mother’s Day Guilt Trip

Tags: celebrate Mother’s Day, moms, mother’s day, mothers

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Stay off the Guilt Path as You Celebrate Mother’s Day

When I was shopping today I heard a husband ask his wife what she wanted for Mother’s Day. Her response was bluntly honest: “I don’t want to feel guilty that day. I want to shop, even if it is for nothing. I want to do whatever I want to do and not feel guilty about it.” Her husband sputtered and spewed and defended himself, saying that he doesn’t tell her what she can and can’t do, and she can always do whatever it is she wants to do.

But moms know the real story. We can shop on a Sunday afternoon – often once the kids have been fed lunch, the dishes have been washed, and we have arranged for everyone else in the family to be doing something during that time slot – or bring them along which will inevitably lead to a much different trip. We don’t just get to walk out the door, no strings attached, and not feel like we should really be somewhere else, doing something more. We feel guilty about doing something for ourselves. What we really want is the freedom to do anything or nothing – and not feel like we just wasted a day or an opportunity to do something else for our family. This Mother’s Day – rise above and treat yourself to a few indulgences – but ones that don’t tack on the guilt.

3 Ideas for Unique Mother’s Day Celebrations
(You Won’t Feel Guilty About!)

Make Breakfast with a Twist

My own mother still recalls the infamous breakfast in bed I tried to serve her one day early in my youth. I brought up a tray with a glass of water and two root-beer barrels – those small hard candies. (I didn’t know how to make coffee, and the root-beer barrels were the only “food” source I could reach that didn’t involve cooking). Breakfast in bed is a traditional way to celebrate Mother’s Day, but you can do it with a twist. Instead of waiting for some root-beer barrels and water, try to start the day out right with these options.

• Invite the entire family to feast on your bed – you just might want to consider throwing a spare sheet over everything to save on clean-up!
• Instead of saving family movie night for a weekend evening, have family movie morning. Everyone gets to stay in their pajamas and eat fruit and doughnuts for the movie munchies.
• Order in for breakfast. It saves the hassle of breakfast crowds and you can still all stay in your pajamas – and not worry about getting stuck with the clean-up.

Have a Generation Celebration

If you are fortunate enough to have your mother in your life, consider a multi-generational celebration. I consider myself to be triple-blessed, with my mother, 92-year-old grandmother, and teenage daughter all in my life. One year my mother and grandmother and I all went to get our ears pierced together. Sometimes we will eat out together. Celebrating several generations worth of mothering is an inspiring way to spend the day.

• Have your multi-generational picture taken together at a park or location that has sentimental meaning for you all.
• Have a generation potluck, where you each choose one or two favorite foods to share. You might be surprised at the similarities.
• Record history by sharing family stories and either videotaping them or writing them down.

Celebrate With A Family Photograph

Go for a photo shoot together as a family. If you can make a day trip to a fun and favorite outdoor location, pack a picnic and make a day of it. Simple memories like these help build strong families, and the pictures will be your special memory of that day.

• Bring several cameras, preferably ones the kids can use, too.
• Use auto-timers for family photographs.
• Bring some silly props along, such as giant sunglasses, floppy hats, or even snorkels.
• Bring along a video camera and everyone can record a Mother’s Day message about a fun memory with Mom.

Simple Mother’s Day Ideas

If you’re like me and want to spend Mother’s Day hanging out with the kids, here are few fun activities you can do together.

• Help each other make playlists of songs – my kids actually find my music kind of fun – and it always leads to some great dancing!
• Work on a scrapbook together. The kids can help sort family photos and you can retell the stories behind those great moments.
• Make stepping stones for your garden or as gifts.
• Cook together.
• Take a spa day together – go with your daughters to get your nails done.
• Go to the batting cages or mini-golfing – or look for other fun and easy options to get moving with the kids.
• Make yourself a door knocker that says “Mom Has Me-Time” and hang it on the door of whatever room you claim for 30 minutes. Take a bath, read a book, or just stare at the mismatched socks.
• Tell your kids why you love them. You might think that Mother’s Day should mean that they would bestow those words on you, but telling your kids about all of the little reasons you love them also reminds you why it is so amazing to be the one who gets to celebrate Mother’s Day.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/oekGFsZEhXY/

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Bribes, Rewards, and Extreme Parenting Techniques

Do you use a motivation, chore, or behavior chart with your kids? Are your rewards things such as extra computer time, a pack of gum, or maybe nothing but the affirmation that the chores were completed? In stark contrast to what many families attach to their behavior charts as rewards or motivation, a Las Vegas family offers large amounts of cash and extravagant gifts. A recent airing of 20/20 highlighted “xtreme parenting” and the lengths that some parents will go to for and with their children when it comes to things like grades.

Does Paying for Grades Pay?

Barbara Walters posed the question: Can you buy yourself the perfect child? The mother who was interviewed, Lana, claims that she has “proven, verifiable” proof that giving children luxurious gifts in exchange for good grades works. Like many typical parents Lana uses a Reward Board on which she tracks her children’s academic progress. Certain grades are worth certain amounts of star stickers (but an “F” will get you a loss of 20 stars). In one column of the chart are things for which her daughter, a high school student, hopes to exchange for these stars – among them designer clothes and a trip to Morocco. These rewards, however, are far from typical.

Researchers who have investigated the effectiveness of rewards, motivators, and paying for grades often refer to the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivations.

• Intrinsic Motivation – The motivation comes from within, holds personal value regardless of outside influences (i.e. a child learns more about insects because he is interested in them). The rewards are actually in doing the action or activity.
• Extrinsic Motivation – There is an outside influence, such as praise, rewards, bribes, or other offerings in return for specific behaviors (i.e. paying children for grades). There is an expected, often unrelated, payoff.
• Overjustification Effect – There is also a third issue related to motivation known as the overjustification effect. This effect is characterized by offering rewards for something that children are already interested in or motivated to do. Children will sometimes actually turn away from the activities for which they are offered rewards because they surmise that if it required rewards, it must be bad.

Vocal opponents to rewards, such as Alfie Kohn, argue vehemently that manipulating children through rewards might get short-term results, but will fail and potentially do lasting harm in the long-run. Other researchers and educators argue that the proper balance of motivators and rewards help to get struggling children over the hurdles and onto the right track.

Balance of Motivation and Rewards

An article written by Martin Covington (Berkeley, CA), Intrinsic Versus Extrinsic Motivation in Schools: A Reconciliation, discusses the various research findings pertaining to motivational factors and education. His findings determine that there is not necessarily a bad and good side on the issue, but a balance that needs to be struck between the two. He writes that students are more likely to actually value the things about which they are learning (and enjoy doing it), when:

• They are reaching their grade goals (which doesn’t necessarily mean straight A’s for everyone).
• The central reasons for learning are proactive and task-oriented, as opposed to simply trying to avoid failure.
• They are interested in the topics being studied.

These results do show a mix of extrinsic and intrinsic motivating factors. Convington’s research shows that reward and chore charts can work effectively for some children, but not in all situations. But what about that family in Las Vegas spending millions on their children’s rewards? The mother admits that for her it is more about the carrot than the stick. She feels strongly that desire is the key to motivation, and because her children desire extravagant gifts that they will be highly motivated to succeed. In the video clip she says that her lavish gifts are in exchange for good grades, and are “validating more of what I would like to get.” She even framed a bad report card in what she claims is an ugly frame to remind her daughter of what isn’t desired. Those statements sum up her approach – it is about what she wants to get, and she has found a tool to get her results.

Only time will tell if this focus on extrinsic motivators will actually prove to help her raise fulfilled, healthy, productive, and self-reliant children. For me and mine, we’ll be sticking to the bedtime routine charts that don’t have any rewards attached (except for peaceful bedtimes), and a reading wall where my reluctant reader can earn new comic books.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/g-XE2fVOuic/

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Who paid for your student loan? Who will pay for your children’s student loans? If you agree with Anya Kamenetz, a senior writer at Fast Company magazine, the government should relieve the debt of our children and our peers who took out too many dollars in student loans through bankruptcy student loan relief programs. She writes that it is not only fair of them to do this, but “it’s the first step to a more functional market in higher education.” She also believes that defaulting on a culmination of $1 trillion in debt will:    

• Result in innovative, lower-costing opportunities for education
• Actions from the government to control spending
• Decrease private loans that can carry higher interest rates

Does Student Loan Debt Relief Really Help Our Kids?

When I read about Kamenetz’s opinion and those of college graduates who are pushing for debt relief – in fact calling it a giant step toward a solution for the failing economy – I shudder to think of the lessons that are being taught.

The high student debt loans for graduates in the United States are not just because the economy has tanked. The loans are because of:

• unrealistic expectations – Students believe that a college degree will equate with financial security, including the ability to pay back extraordinary amounts in college loans.
• bad decisions – Students choose colleges based on factors other than cost, such as prestige and change of location, and then take out the full amount allowed and live off of it instead of working part-time and living at a lower standard of living.
• undue sense of pressure to attend college – Parents, friends, and society pressure kids to attend college, even when they don’t have a personal drive to do so.
• feelings of entitlement – It blows my mind how children who graduate from high school assume that they can just continue their education at a cost to their parents or the government, which in turn costs the rest of us.

If there is a national student debt relief program instituted on a grand scale, it won’t teach our children to have realistic expectations, make better decisions, feel reduced pressure to attend college, or earn the things to which they are entitled.

How Can My Kids Attend College Without Falling Into the Debt Trap?

Reevaluate with your children whether or not college is a necessary means to the career ends that they envision for themselves. While there seems to be a prevailing wind that there are no opportunities for high school graduates unless they attend college, the reality is that a degree does no good for them if they a) don’t have a passion for the career on which it focuses, and b) have to spend the next 4 decades working to pay off that loan.

Help your children determine whether or not they need more than a two-year working or four-year focused degree (a Bachelor’s in psychology won’t get you very far). This is not the economy for kids to pursue Open Studies or Underwater Basket-Weaving.

Make sure that their high school transcripts will prepare them for college – if that is the direction they are leaning. Transcripts go beyond classes. Have your kids do volunteer work, apprenticeships, and take community classes. Not only will these things help on a transcript, but they will help your children learn more about the real world.

Don’t give up on scholarships, and don’t assume that state colleges are the cheapest way to go. If you wouldn’t consider buying a car after just looking at the one dealership closest to your home, why would you encourage your kids to treat choosing college with less care? In-state tuition rates do offer helpful savings, but sometimes private colleges give away more “free” money. Just make sure the extras like room and board at these places would be worth the cost.

It might sound like I am the college-nay-sayer. However, I have 4 kids who all talk about college, one who is planning on veterinary medical school – no small chunk of time or change invested. I think it will be wonderful for them to pursue their passions. I just think that they need to plan ahead, think realistically, and be responsible for their own debt. We plan to help where we can and we began by preparing them early for the academic challenges of high school and college. By the time our oldest graduates high school next year, she will also have completed her sophomore year of college through dual enrollment – all debt free thanks to taking advantage of post-secondary enrollment options offered in our state.

If you’re worried about how to help your kids have the best possible future, don’t assume that a bright future means defaulting on a student loan. James Poulos struggled through his own student loans and became even more determined to be responsible for paying for them, even though the education he had acquired hadn’t given him the future for which he had hoped. It does have something to do with the integrity he feels is a part of the equation. We need to teach our kids these same lessons. If it means they don’t go to college for a few years, have to study harder to earn more scholarships, or work through their higher education (like I did), the payoff will be much higher than a debt right write-off would bring.

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Can You Survive Camping with Kids?

Tags: camping, camping with kids, family vacation, tips for camping with kids, vacation

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If being secluded in a miniature dome house with your kids in the middle of the woods sounds like a scary version of Survivor, just give it a chance. Around the bonfire, S’mores in hand, and giggles from all of the kids is one of the best ways to spend a summer evening. Memorial Day is just around the corner, as is the rest of summer vacation for children. If you’re looking for a stay-cation or a new adventure, it’s time to pull out the sleeping bags and go camping with the kids. Even if you’ve never ventured to the campground before, camping with kids is an easy and relaxing way to spend a weekend as a family – and costs less than a night at a waterpark hotel.

Camping With Kids 101

There are a few extra rules I live by when I go camping with the kids that help make the experience more enjoyable for everyone.

• Request a large tenting space. If there is an option, choose one that is on the end of a row to give the kids more space.
• If you’re camping with really little ones, ask for a space close to the bathrooms for late night trips to the privy (just be prepared to hear everyone else in the campground heading there, too).
• If possible, make reservations ahead of time so you can select a campground with the amenities your family prefers. We look for those with fishing lakes, swimming beaches or pools, hiking trails, and unique nearby attractions.
• Check ahead to see if they supply child-sized life jackets with boat rentals, or you’ll need to pack your own.
• Choose your tents wisely. Campgrounds usually charge for each tent, no matter how many campsites you reserve. Consider investing in a larger tent with room dividers if you want to pay for one tent. The last time we camped with the kids we had 3 tents – but it was well worth the comfort of the extra space – and we had 4 extra kids along with our own 4 camping kids (+ the dog!). An extra $9/tent was well worth the extra wiggle room that 8 kids need.

What to Pack When Camping with Kids

Besides your basic camping gear, there are a few things that I don’t leave home without when camping with the kids. Most of these things you probably have around the house, but if you don’t, they still make a good investment for camping or other adventures.

• Bug spray, suntan lotion, and first aid kit (you never know who will get stung by what or scrape which body part climbing on the trails)
• Reusable water bottles with snap lids – you can use them for milk, juice, or water, and the tops keep the bugs out and reduce waste and space of packing a bunch of paper or plastic cups – and kids work up a thirst exploring the outdoors
• Bikes and helmets, or scooters if you are limited on packing space – The boys all take their compact scooters and use them to cruise to the bathrooms, the lake, or just to explore.
• Bug and/or butterfly nets and a small plastic observation box – Little kids can chase and catch butterflies and insects, them observe them in the container before letting them go (don’t take them home with you – you don’t want them to leave their natural habitat and in some places, it is even illegal). Fireflies make great mini lanterns in the observation container at night!
• Footballs, Frisbees, kick-balls, and bubble blowers – These small and easy to pack supplies can be great distractions for the kids while you set up the tent or get food ready and you need them to stay nearby.
• A good balance of easy to serve, healthy snacks – The last thing you need to do is get kids with belly aches and sugar highs – although they will be running off a lot of those empty S’mores calories.
• Decks of cards, small board games, books, and self-contained toys for rainy times when you might be confined to the tent
• Glow sticks you can turn into bracelets and necklaces and headlights like these for hands-free lights for kids
• Extra comfort creatures from home – favorite stuffed animals, blankets, or a special toy can comfort kids when they are in unfamiliar surroundings, especially if they aren’t used to being in the great outdoors

Camping with kids is a great way to escape from technologies (we still had cell phones but limited texting), and get back to the basics. Add in some marshmallows, spooky stories around the campfire, and nighttime stargazing – camping with kids is a great summer family vacation, even if you don’t go much further than your own backyard.

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Terrorists, dictators, and unrest in foreign countries aren’t the only dangers facing our country. One of the biggest threats to national security in the United States of America is our school system. This is the message coming from the Council on Foreign Relations (CFR), and the Independent Task Force report that recently assessed U.S. Education Reform and National Security.

Chairs of the committee include Condoleezza Rice, the former U.S. Secretary of State, along with Joel I. Klein, the former head of New York City public schools. The task force determined that the failures of the U.S. school system leave the nation’s children unprepared and unable to compete on a global scale, threatening America’s role as world leader and the entire security of the country.

The report from the CFR concludes that because of the failing school system:

• The future economic security of the nation is at risk.
• The U.S. invests more in K-12 public education than other developed nations, but its students cannot compete.
• The latest numbers (from the 2009 Program for International Student Assessment – PISA) show that when U.S. students are compared to students in other industrialized nations that they rank
  • 14^th in reading
  • 25^th in mathematics
  • 17^th in science
• More than 25% of students do not graduate from high school in a four-year time frame.
• African-American and Hispanic students see rates as high as 40% for failing to graduate within four years.
• Only 25% of U.S. students are proficient in civics – the study of citizenship and politics.
• Even though only 20% of Americans speak a second language (as well as English), schools are removing foreign language classes from their curricula.
• Only 22% of high school students in the United States are college-ready in all subjects, according to the ACT testing organization (again – the figures are lower for Hispanic or African-American students).

How Do These Education Failures Threaten U.S. Security?

The task force from the CFR has determined that failures in education pose threats across five security fronts.

1. Economic growth and ability to compete
2. Physical safety
3. Intellectual property
4. U.S. global awareness
5. U.S. unity and cohesion

As our children are leaving schools with sub-standard skill sets, they are not able to obtain secure employment that contributes to the economy. These students are sadly sometimes not even qualified to join the military, as more and more they are out of physical condition, have criminal records, or don’t qualify academically. As the schools fail the children, the children fail their communities because they cannot contribute to the economy, the security, the diplomacy, or healthy growth. Without improved education systems, our children won’t be leaders in inventiveness and ingenuity (intellectual property), and won’t be able to contribute globally (global awareness). As these problems continue to build they will eat away at the confidence and capabilities of our nation to feel productive and united.

What Does the Task Force Recommend?

The Task Force developed three policy recommendations they feel will strengthen the public school system in America and therefore strengthen the nation’s security and growth prospects. It looks to me like only 1 out of the 3 proposed reforms are actually actions that might make a difference if done extremely well.

Implement education expectations and assessments in subjects vital to protecting national security. “With the support of the federal government and industry partners, states should expand the Common Core State Standards, ensuring that students are mastering the skills and knowledge necessary to safeguard the country’s national security.”

Great – another push for more tests that will require teachers to teach to yet another test. Mass standardized testing helped to get us to where we are – too focused on “no child left behind” so that we are all now far behind.

Make structural changes to provide students with good choices. “Enhanced choice and competition, in an environment of equitable resource allocation, will fuel the innovation necessary to transform results.”

This one actually makes sense – it is a call to action. It places the emphasis on enhanced choices and encouraging innovation. Our children need competitive, directed, varied, and far-from-cookie-cutter classes in order to succeed. Charter schools and apprenticeships are just two examples of options that have track records of success.

Launch a “national security readiness audit” to hold schools and policymakers accountable for results and to raise public awareness. “There should be a coordinated, national effort to assess whether students are learning the skills and knowledge necessary to safeguard America’s future security and prosperity. The results should be publicized to engage the American people in addressing problems and building on successes.”

I think we have enough statistics to show that students are not being equipped with the means necessary to compete on a global scale. The Task Force itself just put out such numbers. It’s time to do something.

It is about time that voices are raised and heard about the necessary reforms needed in the public school systems. Large, over-powerful school districts, led by overzealous teacher unions, need to take back seats to programs that actually show they work. Instead of paying for the time and money it would take to assess a “readiness audit”, conduct a study to determine which types of education choices make the most sense for each community and child.

The next time the evening news flashed those line-up photos showing which criminals are plaguing our nation, they should flash one with the names of school districts taking millions of dollars and graduating at low rates.

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Being a mom is hard work. Mother’s Day is traditionally a time to thank your own mother for everything she has done for you and all of the love she has shared. I’m fortunate enough to have that kind of mom – the one who supported me and loved me as a child and is now one of my best friends and mentors. She loves my kids unwaveringly, treats my husband like a son, and is my co-pilot for bargain shopping and gardening. On Mother’s Day I hope she will know how much I treasure my relationship with her.

But I don’t want to just thank her on Mather’s Day. It is time for me to redefine Mother’s Day and thank the women in my life who touch my heart – the back-up moms – they help us become stronger women and better mothers, and who offer motherly love and support to our children.

On mother’s day thank those women who give your children the guidance and encouragement they need. They are the friends, aunts, grandparents, teachers, in-laws, and parents of your kid’s friends. They help you on your own parenting journey, either picking you up when you’ve stumbled or cheering for you when you needed it. They love you – they love your kids.

Mother’s Day for the Back-Up Moms

Thank Your Friends

Your friends who are mothers share their stories, fears, frustrations, and dreams about raising their own kids. When they do this you learn a little more about being a mother yourself – they are your comrades in parenting. These are the moms who understand the chaos, don’t judge you for having crazy days, and will call you on their next crazy day. Thank that special mom-friend with a new coffee mug for those shared early morning runs with the kids to baseball practice. Maybe even better yet, take her kids to those early morning practices for a week so that she can sit at home where it is quiet and drink her coffee with her raggedy bunny slippers dangling from her feet.

Thank Your Mother-in-Law

Maybe you’re lucky enough to have an amazing relationship with your mother-in-law. If you are, thank her by writing her a letter that tells her about all of the wonderful things you love about her son. It is that unbending bond that the two of you share.

Thank Other Parents

Thank the mom of your child’s best friend (Thanks, Sandi!) for surviving sleepovers, carpools, and conspiracies between the two kids with grace and a sense of humor. It is so valuable to know that my child has not only a great friendship, but the support of a “second mom” as a bonus (and now I have a dear friend and comrade, too!). If having one daughter is amazing, getting to a part of her BFF’s life is pretty wonderful, too.

Thank Aunties

Aunts – they are some of my absolute favorite people in the world. They get to love our kids on another level, with unabashed pride, strength, and an extra dose of patience. Make a scrapbook for the special aunties in your life with favorite family photos and thank them for their roles in your life – either as mom-aunts to you or to your children.

Thank Grandparents

Sometimes my 92-year-old grandmother smiles and says she’s not sure why God still keeps her around, but I always tell her it is so that my children can have a Great Grandma who always brings out The Candy Jar for them and tells them every single time she sees them how much they’ve grown and how wonderful they are. She loves them. If your kids have grandmas or great-grandmas in their lives, show them how much they mean on Mother’s Day by having the kids help make a “Generation Stepping Stone” that includes your own handprints mixed with your children’s handprints (see directions for stepping stones here).

Thank Mentors

If your children have teachers or coaches who lead them with character and dignity while helping them to become better students, athletes, pianists, artists, and stronger individuals, thank them on Mother’s Day. Create a “Top Ten” list of things your child has learned from this person and stick it in a small gift basket with 10 of something – 10 pieces of candy, 10 flowers, or attach it to a $10 gift card to her favorite coffee shop.

Moms are wonderful, valuable, and integral ingredients for raising healthy, happy children. But so are the back-up moms. These are the women who help us become better mothers and love our children. They are the ones we know we could rely on to step in and help our children grow if Heaven forbid anything should happen to us. Redefine Mother’s Day this year by celebrating the back-up moms – they’ve got your back.

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