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Boys will be boys. And moms can still raise sons who are gentlemen – right? The day my first son was born I looked into his eyes and promised myself that I would do everything I could to raise an honorable, loving, gentleman. Now that I have 3 sons who race around the house, sending Nerf darts flying everywhere, and finding humor in the grotesque, I wonder: How will I ever raise these scallywags to be gentlemen?

What is a Gentleman?

You might envision a gentleman to be the white knight rescuing the damsel in distress and saving her from every discomfort imaginable. Those who prefer the old-school ways of raising gentlemen have high standards of behavior, including those on a list put out by Judi Vankevich (AKA The Manners Lady). Some of her top 10 ways we can raise gentlemen include:

• Gentlemen seat a Lady at the dinner table before they seat themselves. They rise when ladies excuse themselves and when they return. The gentleman takes care of the lady to his right.
• The Gentleman protects a Lady from danger. He walks on the curb side of the road as a courtesy of protection and to keep the lady from getting splashed by puddles. He also stands behind a lady on an escalator going up; and in front of her going down to protect her from falling. He walks down a dark theatre aisle first and the lady will follow.
• As mothers, we need to slow down and allow our husband to pull out your chair for us at dinner and wait a few extra seconds for him to walk around the car and get the door. Our sons are watching.

OK – I’m extremely dedicated to raising gentlemen, but I’m not so sure I want to wait at the van until my dear husband opens the door for me as he’s balancing his coffee mug in one hand and a stack of books or a computer in the other. I don’t need someone shielding me from puddles or protecting me from falling on an escalator. Perhaps it is because I am also raising a daughter who I want to be strong, independent, and capable that I don’t want her thinking that she needs a guy to lead the way.

That being said – I also believe that men and women are different. Women do have different needs, and I do want to raise sons to acknowledge and respect those. In our home we define gentlemen a little differently, and want our sons to:

• Be honorable in their actions
• Have integrity with their words
• Be filled with self-discipline
• Never strike someone, especially a woman
• Be dignified and honorable in regards to intimacy and sex
• Guard the honor of women (don’t be the guy who heckles the attractive woman walking down the street, but be the guy who tips his hat to her and offers to walk her to her car)
• Greet people with a smile and stand when introduced to others (and offer a handshake)
• Make eye contact
• Open doors (for women, children, the elderly, and anyone they see coming through – my kids do this and can see the small ways it makes a difference for people – they do notice)
• Offer seats to others on the subway, at gatherings, etc. (my boys are healthy young men and can afford to stand, even when they might rather sit)
• Carry things for others – it’s just the nice thing to do

How Do I Raise a Gentleman?

Many of these things we feel define gentlemen are also what we expect of our daughter, but there is something innately different about raising boys and girls. But the question still remains – how am I going to raise these boys to be gentlemen?

Set a positive example. My boys are fortunate to have a gentleman for a father, but it also means surrounding them with positive male role models. They see their grandfather, uncles, and dear friends as examples of how to live with integrity.

Talk about sex. Guys are thinking about it so parents need to be talking about it. Especially as my boys get older it is important that they learn to make healthy, respectful, and honorable decisions for intimacy – and they won’t be able to do that if we hide our embarassed parental heads in the sand.

Discuss the media. Kids are bombarded with images from the media about what it means to “be a man” – and how men should treat women. We need to clarify and flat out refuse a few of those assertions. If I’m watching a show with the boys and I see something that doesn’t reflect a gentleman’s behavior – I ask them what they think of it, and then I chime in with some advice, too.

Attack from both fronts. Both my husband and I need to reinforce our expectations – it is valuable for our boys to hear about both sides of the coin – and this includes everything from table manners to sexual intimacy.

Give him space to be a wild beast. It would be like trying to bottle a volcanic eruption to expect my boys to behave like gentlemen all of the time. We give them opportunities to be wild – testosterone filled evenings having belching contests with friends around a campfire, beaming each other with marshmallow shooters, and telling gross jokes. Outlets for guy energy are essential.

There is room inside each wild beast to behave as a gentleman – we just need to give them the tools with which to do it.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/4_GYkm5fOhk/

Get Your Kids Some Boring Books

Tags: books, Dolch, Fry, learning to read, reading, sight words, teaching kids how to read

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If your kids see Dolch sight word books they might groan and walk away. These books aren’t loaded with colorful pictures and don’t have super-heroes or cartoon characters throughout the pages. But these “boring” books can be some of the most important books you get your preschooler and kindergartner.

What Are Sight Words?

Researchers and educators have been discovering how our children best learn to read. While there is no one single path that works for all kids, the general consensus is that kids who are taught “sight words” during preschool, kindergarten, and first grade will have higher reading skills.

• Sight words were originally promoted by Edward D. Dolch and included a list of 220 of the most frequently used words in children’s books that cannot necessarily be sounded out through conventional phonics.
• This popular list of 220 words became known as the Dolch List of Basic Sight Words.
• Sight words cannot easily be represented by pictures (such as is, if, am, as, do, be, you, it).
• In 1996 Dr. Fry expanded on the Dolch list and published a book called “Dr. Fry’s 1000 Instant Words: The Most Common Words for Teaching Reading, Writing and Spelling.” In his research Dr. Fry found that
• Just 25 words make up 1/3 of all published words.
• There are 100 words that comprise nearly ½ of all of the words published.
• Just 300 words account for 65% of all published material.

How Can I Teach Sight Words?

With these numbers and research provided by Dolch and Fry it is easy to see that sight words are important in the English language. By estimate, over half of every newspaper article, school book, and children’s bedtime story is composed of 300 sight words, and it would be challenging at best to have students write just one sentence without using several of these words. Given the importance of learning sight words, parents can be a catalyst for developing great reading skills by introducing their kids to sight words.

• Choose books for your preschooler and kindergartner that have fewer pictures. When kids have to focus on the words and not guess by clues, they learn these sight words more quickly. Here are just a few Dolch sight word books that focus on teaching these words. You can still provide colorful and whimsical story books, but just provide balance with sight word books.
• Don’t go overboard on phonics. Phonics are important, but they won’t help learn some of the most commonly used words. It goes against what we as parents and educators have been told – we think we need to hook our kids on phonics.However, phonetic rules won’t help students learn many of the sight words. Some of the top sight words include
• the
• of
• is
• and
• to
• in
• is
• you
• it
• he
• Make a homemade BINGO game with sight words – you call the word and kids have to find it on their cards.
• Go digital and download a sight word app for your kids.
• Make a set of sight word cards and play Go Fish with them – kids match pairs of sight word cards and when they set down their pairs they have to say the word.
• Give your child a printed story and a list of sight words. Have him scan the story and use a crayon to circle all of the matching sight words.
• Use the worksheets here to give your kids the sight words developed by Fry.
• Read this story to your kids – it contains all of the 220 Dolch sight words. See if you can spot which ones they are.
• Keep reading. Read with your kids, to your kids, and in front of your kids.

The Dolch and Fry books might seem boring, but only if you judge books by their covers. The stories within are fun, touching, humorous, and often

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Under each leaf it is shaded and dark – and under each school choice there are darker issues that make it difficult for parents to choose the best schools for their kids. It used to be that you had two choices for your child’s education – public or private school. Either way your child would board the bus in the morning, be assigned to a specific classroom for the day, and run through the schoolyard at recess. Now our kids have the options of these schools, plus online schools, homeschools, and blended learning opportunities. How are we as parents supposed to decide which is best?

Yesterday I wrote a bit of the advantages of these newer options in education. I’ve always homeschooled my kids, but I have to admit that when the postcards start arriving in the mail advertising online academies and “personalized, accredited education” through tuition-free public schools, I get curious. As a homeschooler I invest a lot of time in preparation for my children’s education, not to mention a fair chunk of change in order to have quality supplies and curriculum. So now it is time to weigh the disadvantages for each option – and see who comes out the education winner for our family.

Disadvantages of Homeschooling

Even though I’ve loved homeschooling my children for more than 12 years, I’m not blind to the disadvantages it can bring to our family.

Time commitment – I can spend more than 10 hours some weeks between prep work and all of the extras for the kids. This doesn’t include all of the “teaching time” each week, which in our family means anywhere from 4 – 10 hours every day interacting with my kids on academics. I know some families who spend much less dedicated time, but that just doesn’t work for me and my goals for my family.

Financial commitment – Not only do I spend money on curriculum for my kids, but I also then commit myself to working fewer hours as a freelancer in order to meet my time commitment for my kids. This means less money incoming, more money outgoing, and we’re talking decades of this pattern when you have several children.

Energy commitment – Some days I’m zapped. I not only want to ensure that my kids have positive academic experiences, but that they flourish with real-life activities. We volunteer in the community, participate in numerous clubs and organizations, and the kids are members of various teams – from sports to quiz bowls. My oldest son participates with the local public high school for athletics, which means we drive 23 minutes each way to get him to practice every day when he would typically just be able to stay after school for these. I think that in order to make sure their homeschool experience is well rounded that we definitely participate in more things that we would if the kids were in public school – they just wouldn’t be home enough to be able.

Disadvantages of Online Schools

Online schools are tempting me, but I’ve been doing some research and talking with families who have tried it (and some who have walked away from it), and have found several disadvantages.

More busy work – Time and time again I hear from parents that many of the online schools have excessive amounts of busy work. It appears that because teachers don’t develop a personal and strong relationship with students that they need more busy work in order to assess abilities.

Still public school – While many people view online schools as homeschools, they are not. Online schools still follow truancy laws, require parent/teacher conferences, and require the same testing and assessments as public schools. I do know homeschoolers who tried virtual schools and didn’t like it just for the fact that if the family wanted to take advantage of a few field trips during the week that online school policies restricted how much time away from the computer the student could have.

Less freedom of curriculum choice – There are some online schools that do allow for tailoring of classes, but there are definitely fewer options available than in homeschool settings where kids can help decide which topics get studied and when.

Less family time – Even though the kids are home, it doesn’t mean they are connected with their families. In fact, the postcard from MTS Minnesota Connections Academy shows a teenage student at the computer with her mother sitting in the background – no interactions.

Disadvantages of Blended Learning

Blended learning opportunities, where students attend part time in classroom settings and part time in online classes, is gaining in popularity. While it can be the best of both worlds, it does have some disadvantages.

Limited flexibility – Students are often still enrolled in public school for these situations and therefore are limited in flexibility when it comes to curriculum and scheduling. It can also be more challenging for students to participate in brick and mortar school activities when they are only in school part time.

Costs – Unless the online classes are provided as part of the public school offering, these part time classes can be quite expensive. We explored online supplemental classes for my daughter when she was in homeschool high school and the costs rivaled those of local colleges.

Availability – This is a newer area of education and still in the development stage for broad offerings. These private online courses that don’t require students to enroll full-time are typically private, faith-based programs that offer rigorous studies in limited and specialized subjects.

Choosing The School That is Right for My Children

My grandmother says she feels sorry for my generation – we have too many choices to “worry our pretty little heads.” After wading through the options once again, I’m going to stick with homeschooling. But that doesn’t mean that it will always be that way. I look forward to a future where perhaps my younger children will be able to participate in blended learning opportunities – maybe virtual frog dissections or calculus courses – yet still be homeschooled for the majority of their subjects. I’m willing to commit the time and effort (and give up a little spending money). Most importantly though, my kids say this is the plan they want to pursue. What education plans are you pursuing?

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Online Schools, Blended Schools, and Homeschools – How Will I Ever Decide?

It is that time of year again. The Back to School sales have started creeping in among the inflatable pools and 4^th of July clearance items. You can almost hear the woosh that the final sounds of summer are making. And that makes me as a homeschool mom feel a trickle of panic set in as I prep for another year, and this year I took into real consideration for the first time the use of online schools for my kids. As the advertisements on radio and TV beckon parents to try something new with their children’s education, and I receive countless postcards encouraging me to “Enroll now!”, I have to carefully weigh the options.

What Are the Differences Between Homeschools, Online Schools, and Blended Learning?

There are so many terms tossed around when it comes to education that it can be confusing to sort through the jumble and jargon. Just to clarify…

Homeschools are sometimes also called home schools (yep – the difference between a compound word and a space), and they are legal in all 50 of the United States. Legal guardians are the lead teachers, and each state has the ability to set its own regulations.

• Parents are responsible for costs associated with education – books, computers, etc.
• In many states, homeschool students can participate in public school sports and other extracurricular activities.
• School hours are more flexible (depending upon state regulations). In our state we can choose our own schedule.

Online schools are known by a slew of other terms, including cyber schools, online academies, cyber charter schools, online charter schools, and more. Growing in popularity, these can be public or private entities. When they are public, they operate under the same public school rules and guidelines.

• Public online schools are usually paid for by state taxes and free to students.
• The materials are provided free of charge, including textbooks and sometimes even computers and internet fees.
• They hold parent/teacher conferences (either virtually on in person), and some offer field trips and extracurricular activities on a regular basis.

Blended learning is the combination of traditional classroom activities with online courses. Probably most often seen in higher education in the past, this new form of education is gaining momentum for K-12. Sometimes called hybrid programs, blended learning takes advantage of the best of both worlds. In our city one local high school offered a pilot program last year to 9^th grade students – come for ½ days in the school and attend the rest of your classes online. This was done in part to deal with overcrowded classrooms, but also to attempt to meet the demand for emerging changes in education.

The Advantages of Homeschooling

So yes, this will be a little jaded because I have homeschooled my kids for, um, too long to calculate right now. However, I also am a realist and believe that just like not every teacher in the public school system should be teaching, not every family should be homeschooling. Homeschooling, when done well, has many advantages.

• individualized lesson planning that allows for children of all abilities to flourish
• one-on-one attention from dedicated teachers (you – the parent!)
• ability of families to travel on their own schedules
• families can integrate faith and other values into their daily teachings
• time for siblings to grow together and form a stronger family bond
• opportunities for real-world socialization and exploration

The Advantages of Online Schools

Reported as one of the fastest growing trends in education, online schools grew more than 1 million students enrolled in the US in 2009, with numbers expected to grow considerably.

• described as “as good or better” than their brick and mortar public school counterparts
• relieves pressure for parents to develop lesson plans
• holds students accountable to another adult
• free curriculum
• allows students to learn at home, which can be especially beneficial for those students struggling with classroom settings
• parents can add additional studies as they see needed

The Advantages of Blended Learning

Blending the best of both worlds, traditional classroom opportunities with passionate teachers and the benefits of utilizing new technology in learning, seems like a very promising option.

• students can be exposed to broader learning communities online
• parents are relieved about the social aspects when compared to the 100% online school choice
• allows for more flexibility with specialized courses than you might find in a brick and mortar school
• the additional courses are often free of charge and all supplies are covered when using a public school program

Choosing the Best Education for Your Child

So how do I choose when all of these options have great advantages? I have to weigh the disadvantages of all of them as well. To do this I’ve been researching, speaking with parents, and assessing my own children’s needs. Check out tomorrow’s article to see all of the reasons why I shouldn’t choose any of these options! (And which option I chose)

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Can a Toddler Live on PBJ Alone?

Tags: eating, eating habits, healthy eating, oral defensiveness, picky eater, sensory processing disorder, sensory processing issues

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Raising a Picky Eater

I knew something more was going on with my child when I watched him eat – or not eat. He hesitated every time, scanned his foods as if he was searching for a microscopic explosive device, and most often refused to eat unless it was one of 3 foods – bread, peanut butter, or apple sauce. Yep – most people sized him up pretty quickly as a “picky eater”, but I wasn’t a first timer parent, indulging every palette whim of my child in order to please him and get him to eat. I also noticed other issues that made me search further and lead me to some valuable insight. My child was dealing with sensory processing issues, and for him eating was one area where this manifested (something I now know is referred to as oral defensiveness).

How do I know if my child has sensory processing issues or is just a picky eater?

Sensory processing issues affect children’s eating habits in interesting ways. They might be drawn to or reject foods based on sight, smells, or textures. If there are truly sensory issues these will be consistent for meals and snacks – no matter what foods are served. I had heard so many times – when he gets hungry enough he’ll eat it. What I soon found out, however, is that he just was not going to eat it if the texture was unexpected or crunchy – not even candy or cookies. Yes – that means that my chocolate loving son turned down MM cookies because of the crunch from those tiny candy coated shells. These kinds of tendencies might be the signs that your child is more than picky and could be dealing with oral defensiveness.

How do I help my child with oral defensiveness?

Understand the difference between flavor and texture. It can take 10 tries before your child really knows if his or her taste buds accept the new food based on flavor. But if your child has sensory issues, the texture of the food can be more important than the taste. For my child it was anything crunchy that he avoided like his life depended on it. I got creative with ways to serve healthy foods in textures that were comfortable for him.

Keep providing healthy choices – maybe just in new ways. I knew my son was not going to thrive on PBJ and applesauce. I also knew that so many healthy choices come with a “crunch” – like fresh fruits and veggies. In order to compromise I added cooked fruits and veggies to recipes he already liked (which were very limited and usually resulted in crazy inventions of homemade “jelly”), making sure they were small in size and matched the texture of the other food. French toast got soft apples cooked into the coating, muffins were great for bananas (and easy to add things like wheat germ), and I could puree other fruits and veggies to similar consistencies as apple sauce.

Offer one new food in small portions. If your child is extremely agitated by new foods, try the same new food several times in a week instead of a different new food at each meal in your desperate search for something else to serve that he might finally like. I wanted to help my son learn to accept foods beyond his comfort zone without extreme pressure. Some people refer to it as a “No Thank You” portion, but I just always said it was a tad to try – just a bit that would introduce the food.

Keep your child distracted. This might be far from typical parenting advice you hear about mealtimes, but distractions for kids with oral defensiveness can help get them over their hyper-focus hurdles.

• Keep a steady conversation flowing about a topic you know your child likes.
• Offer different types of utensils – my son loves straws, toot picks, and plastic spears.
• Use things like weighted blankets or other sensory items to comfort your child during meal time.

Balance nutrition and sanity. Obviously we feed our kids so they receive nutrition to help them grow and flourish, and when they reject almost any food that will help get them there it can be stressful. Choose your food battles carefully.

• Talk with your pediatrician about vitamins and supplements.
• Use a blender or other tool to provide nutritious foods in the texture and form your child needs.
• Allow for a little leeway. I would serve one favorite to my son in a very small portion (so that he couldn’t fill up on it) and then still offer the main meal in small portions.
• Let your child play with his food. Let him explore it as it runs through his fingers, as he squishes it, and maybe molds it between his tiny palms. While I first cringed at this, I soon found that letting his other senses explore the food first helped his oral senses not be on overload.

So I still have a darling boy who is more sensitive to tactile, auditory, or oral stimuli. However, his favorite veggies are now carrots and broccoli – raw and crunchy – and he reaches for a PBJ less than once a week. Hooray for small steps and patience!

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Raising a Mama’s Boy

Tags: difference between boys and girls, emotional intelligence, emotions and boys, mama’s boys, raising sons

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And Proud of It

OK – my boys aren’t going to like that title. What guy wants to be called a mama’s boy? Well – maybe those guys who have learned through experience or even scientific research that when boys have close relationships with their moms they generally grow up to be healthier adolescents and men. But when they are young boys and men, they don’t always care about what might help improve their futures – they just don’t want us to embarrass them by blowing them kisses at the ball field. (settle down, guys, I would never do that)

Why Do Close Relationships with Moms Matter?

Results of a study presented by Carlos Santos, a professor from Arizona State University, suggest that when boys remain close with their mothers they tend to be more emotionally mature and grow up to become men with better rates of mental health. Other researchers agree with this assessment, citing studies that show that as boys reach age 16 their suicide rates tend to rise dramatically, the same time when boys tend to move toward more hyper-masculine stereotypes. Boys who are close with their mothers and more aware of subtle emotional signals (and act on them) tend to be less violent and develop stronger relationships with peers. The same emotional intelligence that close relationships with moms provide for their sons does not appear to be replicated through close relationships with dads.

Should I Really Raise a Mama’s Boy?

OK – before you think that I’m coddling my boys – let me clarify. I do believe that boys will be boys. I believe that they are hardwired differently and I respect those differences and honor them in my home. I have to – I have 3 sons who fill my home with testosterone, bounce off the walls and each other, and find nothing more entertaining than the sounds their bodies make. But I want them to also respect themselves and others around them. Teaching our sons tools for emotional intelligence means they can grow up knowing how to honor loved ones in their lives, and how to care for their own needs. Raising mama’s boys doesn’t mean that my kids won’t grow up without grass-stained knees or belching with the boys – they are 2 for 2 on those. I just want to make sure that they know it is OK to experience emotions. And then I have to teach them how to show emotions that don’t threaten their masculinity. How in the world do I do that?

How Do I Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Son?

When my kids were learning to talk I would encourage them to use their words instead of grunting or thrashing their arms about in the air. It is the same idea as my kids get older – I use words that describe my own emotions and I ask them about their own – without pressure. I also repeatedly let them know that whatever emotions they are experiencing are OK – we just need to work to find healthy ways to show those emotions.

Today was one of those days that tested how I’ve been trying to raise boys who aren’t afraid to show emotions or know they don’t have to tough it out. I was washing dishes and suddenly heard my son quietly say behind me, “Mom, I hit my head with my yo-yo.” Now, you might be thinking that this isn’t a big deal – a yo-yo is a simple toy. However, in that split second before I turned around I knew this was more – my boys are competitive yo-yoers and recently bought metal yo-yos. When I turned around I saw my young son with blood on his face and a huge welt right between his eyes. No tears – but I could see them waiting to spill. I also knew there were other guys around and my son might not want to show his pain.

I grabbed a paper towel and ice and calmly asked him if he was OK other than that 3rd eye he sprouted. Then I told him that it was the kind of thing that would probably make many people shed a few tears – those kinds of smacks hurt. He nodded and let a tear spill. Then he breathed a huge sigh and admitted that it did sting. It wasn’t about having him sob on my shoulder, but it was about letting him know that it is OK to admit when something hurts. The guys didn’t question that tear-streak. In fact, they were quite in awe of the goose-egg and how long it took for the blood to stop flowing (and I’m guessing a few of them were glad they didn’t have the 3rd eye).

Someday (unfortunately) my boys will likely experience more pain than sprouting a 3rd eye from a metal yo-yo. Their bodies might fail, their relationships might tumble, they will lose someone they love, and their lives might become confusing and challenging. I don’t want to raise my boys to tough it out and suck it up – I want to raise them to acknowledge these situations and changes in their lives and react to them with dignity and respect – for themselves and those around them. Maybe this means raising mama’s boys – and being proud of it.

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Mom – I Can’t Fall Asleep!

Tags: falling asleep, how much sleep do kids need, kids and sleep, savoring, sleep

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I have 4 kids who have lived a combined total of more than 50 years (yikes!) and I know I’ve probably heard several months worth of “Mom – I can’t fall asleep!”. Some of that has been the result of watching a scary movie with Dad, some of it from worries about the next day, and some of it from excitement and anticipation for our future plans. But no matter the reason, falling asleep doesn’t always seem to come as easily as it should for kids.

Think happy thoughts. Your own mom might have told you just those words as you struggled to fall asleep. Mom knows best – and if she ever told you these words she was on to what scientists are calling “savoring” – where kids use an imaginary TV channel to think happy thoughts. I’ve been using these ideas with my own kids and hopefully we won’t have too many more nights of evading sleep.

Why Kids Need Sleep

OK – so the obvious answer is that kids needs enough sleep so that their bodies have energy for healthy growth and development. A growing body of research and evidence also shows that sleep patterns in childhood are linked to mental and general health in adulthood. Kids who don’t develop good sleeping habits are more likely to experience any of the following issues as they move from their tween and teen years to adult years.

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Aggressive behaviors
• Memory problems
• Obesity

In one study, kids who had trouble sleeping when they were 12 to 14 years of age were more than two times as likely to be suicidal when they were 15 to 17 years of age. Another study showed that 46% of kids at age 9 who had difficulty sleeping grew up to have an anxiety disorder when they were in their twenties.

Signs Your Child Might Have a Sleep Problem

There are three common sleep problems that children face, with some unfortunate kids experiencing all three. Even just one of these is enough to interrupt the healthy growth of kids emotionally, physically, and psychologically.

• Difficulty falling asleep (anything more than 30 minutes on a regular basis is too much)
• Difficulty staying asleep (beyond infant ages where nighttime feedings are expected)
• Not getting enough sleep (see below the average numbers your kids need for sleep according to The American Academy of Sleep Medicine)

Infants: 14 to 15 hours

Toddlers: 12 to 14 hours

Preschoolers: 11 to 13 hours

School-age kids: 10 to 11 hours

Teenagers: 9 to 10 hours

Typically these symptoms of sleep problems are persistent under average conditions – not just one night after a spooky movie or a weekend sleepover with friends. Tonight as my kids are giggling with their cousins and no one is falling asleep “on time” I won’t fret about it too much because this is their annual summer week with cousins.

How Do I Get My Child to Savor Sleep?

If your child isn’t getting the sleep he needs, especially if he is having difficulty falling asleep, do what mom told you to do and what scientists are now teaching in efforts to improve sleep patterns of kids. It is not counting sheep, but it is getting your child to change his mindset as he goes to bed for the night – and scientists call it “savoring”.

• Encourage your kids to imagine their ideas and thoughts as different channels on a television.
• Have them create a “savoring” channel that includes different positive things (a happy memory from the day, a letter from a friend, etc.).
• Encourage kids to designate a “worry” or negative channel where all of the anxious thoughts from the day can be sent.
• At bedtime ask your child to tell you what is playing on their “savoring” channel. Researchers believe that focusing on these positive thoughts will decrease kids’ anxieties and improve their sleep patterns.

I use an idea similar to savoring with one of my more anxious kids who always seems to snowball his worry ideas into one giant “I’ll never get to sleep thinking about this!” worry. I have my son put all of the worry thoughts that creep into his mind into an imaginary box that never leaks. I tell him that in the morning we can open those thoughts together and see how we can worry less about them. Then, instead of counting sheep, I have him count good things from the day and see how high he can get. These types of techniques are just tools to use to help your kids fall asleep at night that should be combined with a positive bedtime routine. Sweet dreams!

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8 Signs You’re Crazy

Tags: moms, parents, work-at-home, work-at-home mom, work-at-home moms, working moms, working parents

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Kids can be tiny balls of honesty – rolling downhill sometimes at breakneck speeds and crashing through everything in their path. So when I hear my kids talk about me to others – I listen – because it is probably going to be an honest assessment of who I am as a mom. I recently heard a discussion some of my kids were having with some adult friends about me as a work-at-home mom and I got the honest truth – I’m crazy – and apparently there are plenty of glaring signs to this looming insanity.

1. She is never really done working. Their conversation started this way when someone asked them if I had finished work early as we were taking a day vacation. It is true. There is no time clock and no office that locks at 5:00 on Friday. If you’re thinking about working from home, beware – you will never really be done working because you will always be right next to your work and no janitor will tell you “Sorry but the building is locked; come back for your briefcase on Monday.” However, I don’t look at it as a bad thing because if I am never really done working that means I always have work to do and having work is good for my sanity and my bank account.
2. She talks to herself – a lot. Working from home means you won’t be surrounded by intuitive coworkers you can bounce ideas off of after board meetings. You will be surrounded by yourself and your kids, maybe the drooling the dog or the cat that perches herself on your desk. Being a work-at-home mom means you have to be an amazing communicator with yourself and you need to be confident in bouncing your ideas off of your alter ego. If you need consistent reinforcement from coworkers, working at home probably isn’t your idea of a good time.
3. She talks about work with us – a lot. I might not have witty coworkers but I do have engaging kids who ask about some of my projects, and sometimes are my projects. As a mommy blogger I do ask my kids for their permission before I write anything about their lives. But I also do believe that if you work from home you need to be able to share that work somehow with your family.
4. She wears weird things to work. I have been known to Skype with clients while wearing pajama bottoms and a lace and satin blouse. And if (perish the thought) you could see me working at my computer you would see my bright yellow ankle weights that keep moving back and forth as I try to maintain some level of flexibility in my legs while sitting at the desk for hours. You will save money on your wardrobe when you work from home, but your pride might suffer if you have to answer the door in your PJs at noon.
5. She expects us to help more around the house when she has big projects. My kids know that my workload ebbs and flows and understand that their contributions to the household chores are valuable contributions to the family. If you work from home, don’t be afraid to let your family know which things need more attention – dishes, dusting, yard work – your kids will learn valuable skills and you can create some balance in your life.
6. She has weird ways to relax from work. One particularly busy week for me I made a deal with myself – for every 1500 words I wrote I got to take a break. On those breaks I would hang laundry on the line, start dinner, or dust and vacuum. Those might not sound like relaxing ways to reward yourself, but try changing your perspective. I knew that at the end of those very long days of working if I turned around and felt like I had accomplished nothing in my house I would be even more stressed. Find things you can do for a change of pace that are different from your work-at-home job responsibilities but that still make you feel like you are getting things done.
7. She works really weird hours. Again, this one is true. Working from home rarely means 9-5. Instead it means working weekends, early in the morning before the chaos begins, or late at night after the house quiets. It also means you can tailor your schedule to meet your family’s and your clients’ needs. I might work on Saturday morning, but that means that week I can go to the zoo with the kids on Monday. Technology also means that you can work with clients all over the world and you have to be able to adjust to their time zones (which is why I’ve been on Skype wearing PJ pants).
8. She loves her crazy job. This is the best truth of all. Not only am I crazy enough to work from home while homeschooling my 4 kids and holding the title of Domestic Engineer, but my kids get to grow up watching their mom work and love it. They get to see firsthand the challenges and the rewards of finding a way to combine what you love to do with your career.

Being a work-at-home mom is not the perfect job for all moms. But if you think your life would be better, your kids’ lives would be better, and your home might just not fall apart, working from home can be a wonderful way to be a working mom (that brings in a paycheck). Just ask yourself – Am I crazy enough?

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Is America the new, world-leading model of education? If you’ve listened to all of the numbers, read the statistics, and believed the reports about American students failing in schools and standardized test scores, you would never think that the American education system is envied by anyone. I wouldn’t have thought so either, until I recently read about the crackdown on too much studying that is occurring in Asian communities, especially Korea. In fact, South Korean education officials are trying to convince their students and their students’ parents that too much studying is a bad thing.

In America we have long heard how we should be envious of the test scores brought home by Asian students. For decades South Korea has boasted some of the top scores in the entire world, giving the rest of the world something to which to aspire. However, the South Korean government is now cracking down on relentless hours of tutoring and rigorous study of its students – and hoping its schools will learn a little from American education. This Asian country known for its top-ranking test scores is reducing the emphasis put on these tests in the hopes of regaining some educational and cultural balance.

Laws Against Too Much Studying – Seriously

A curfew of 10:00 p.m. has actually been established for students working with hagwons, private tutoring academies that are the norm for the 74% of South Korean students who work after school each day. Special patrols go out each night, looking for offenders who have gathered in covert locations to study with tutors and other students. Like drug enforcement officers on stakeout, these education officers rely on tips and undercover information to find these hidden hagwons.

The Dangers of Too Much Homework

South Korean officials fervently fear that unless their society moves away from constant studying, cramming for exams, and pushing to pass entrance tests that much will be lost. National economic growth cannot progress with innovation, and one-size-fits-all testing and highly regulated academia do not produce innovative thinkers. These methods produce prepared students who can pass tests and enter higher levels of education, which is precisely what many Americans are pushing to duplicate. South Korean education officials are very worried that such rigorous school and tutoring programs will stifle creativity and lead to the downfall of the economy and advancements in technology, sciences, and other progressive areas of study.

Perhaps it is not even so much how many hours the students in South Korea are studying that matters as the quality of time they put in each day at school. Shops in South Korea sell special arm pillows designed with a sleeve so that students are more comfortable as they nap during school lectures, necessary after late nights studying with tutors. It appears that the emphasis might be so strong on the effectiveness of the hagwons that daytime school hours are not put to effective use.

Many in South Korea also fear that the constant push for 15 hour school and studying days will diminish the country’s population as families feel the financial pressure of paying for thousands in private tutoring. Enforcing curfews on hagwons does appear to have an impact on how much families are paying private tutors as spending for that dropped by 3.5% in 2010. However, private tutors are still earning millions for private classes and online lectures. In fact, one way many students appear to get around this curfew is to study alone online.

South Korean Education Failures – What Can the U.S. Learn from Them?

It appears that nations everywhere have a lot to learn from the education failures and successes of other countries. While many in America are striving to develop a system where our students are more like those in Asian schools with their top test scores and dedicated study times, many in these Asian communities are trying to work toward a more “Americanized” school system.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

So – if we are to combine the best of both worlds, it looks like that golden education system would foster

• Innovation through diverse coverage of topics
• Creativity through broader curriculum offerings
• Entrepreneurial spirit derived from opportunities in education
• Preparedness through rigorous academic teachings
• And good old fashioned well-rounded citizens who raise families, contribute to the economy, and support their country

If we listen to both sides of the fence, those with the world’s best test takers and the more relaxed system in the United States, maybe we will hear how we are supposed to be providing our children with an education that leads to brighter futures. Words and phrases like Montessori and online schools, specialized classes, and internships for high school students seem to make a little more sense. What do you think would help get us where we need to go?

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My Parenting Bucket List

Tags: bucket list, goals with kids, parenting bucket list, planning for the future, successful parenting

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If you knew you only had a year left to live, or perhaps just months, what would you need and want to do with and for your children? This last year has been painfully inspiring to me as a mom – I’ve watched friends bury spouses way too early, leaving young children behind, and I’ve been blessed to hold the hands of a dear friend who is terminally ill as she somehow is able to eloquently separate sickness from parenting and give her children memories to sustain them.

All of these moments have stirred inside me a growing need to create my own parenting bucket list. Those things I’ve put off, dreamed about, or hoped to do are now making their way to the forefront – my tally of all the things I want to do as a mom before the kids have made their own life lists. The truth is that none of us know how many more days we have the privilege to parent our children. My parenting bucket list represents the time I hope I have to nurture and treasure these kids.

What’s On My Parenting Bucket List?

My list seems to grow every day, but here is a sampling of what I hope to accomplish as a parent and the experiences I hope to share with my children. From the simple to the spiritual, my bucket list is also my love list of how much I want to keep pouring into their lives.

• Camp – and really rough it. We’ve done the campground adventures, but I want my kids to experience what I remember from childhood – hiking to a spot flat enough to set up camp, searching for firewood, and digging a hole for bathroom privies. No reservations, electricity, or running water. Not only would this be an awesome adventure, but it would be a real life lesson in self-reliability.
• Go to a rock concert together. My kids are now getting to that age where they want to attend a concert that doesn’t involve puppets or purple dinosaurs. Fortunately my kids are also of personalities where they are OK sharing those experiences with their dilapidated parents. There is hope yet for this bucket list item, but I think my husband has dibs on AC/DC tickets.
• Seeing them truly embrace their faith. This is just one of those things that comes with age for so many people, and I am watching my older children bloom as they find their faith paths. I want to provide them with examples of my own faith so it will help them find their own.
• Visit the Grand Canyon. I think nothing helps make us feel our aptly appointed small corners of the world more than seeing the vastness of something great like the Grand Canyon. I’ve never been yet and look forward to the day when I can share that experience with my kids.
• Have all of the age appropriate conversations I should. And find a way to record the others – just in case. I think that one of the most aching things I have ever heard is my friend regretting that she won’t be there to give advice for first dates or first weeks of college. None of us are guaranteed those moments, but on my bucket list I am now writing letters to my kids for precisely those moments. If I’m here to share the joy, I don’t think I’ll regret the time it took to write those letters (which I’ll still present anyway).
• Giving them the reasons why. Kids always ask Why? I may not have all the answers, but I beginning to record some of them that I do. Why did I turn down my “dream job” offer when I was 22? Why did your sister get to pick her own room in the new house? Some of the answers might be surprising, and some of them too simple – but they will hopefully help my kids learn more about our family if I can fill in some of these blanks.

How Do I Create a Parenting Bucket List?

There are no rules – except to let your heart and your imagination take over and lead the way. I try to put myself in the position of my dear friend who is preparing to leave her children way too early, but the pain is almost more than I can even imagine. It is difficult to fathom how a mother feels in those moments. But I am determined not to let my parenting bucket list be filled with sadness – I’m looking ahead and dreaming of the future – and asking myself lots of questions.

• What stories do I need to record for my kids for the future?
• Who would fill my shoes if I were absent – and would they fulfill any of my bucket list items?
• What are my “Top 10” bucket list items?
• How (if it does at all) does money change the priority ranking of my bucket list items?
• How are my parenting bucket list items different from my personal bucket list items? How are they the same?

As gut-wrenching, faith shaking, and devastating as it is to watch parents know they are dying and leaving their young children behind, it can also be a blessing for those of us who witness it. We can use it as our kick in the pants to be just a little more present in the lives of our kids and come out with no (or at least fewer) regrets. It can be the best gift we give our kids. To borrow from a country western song –

And I loved deeper,

And I spoke sweeter,

And I gave forgiveness I’d been denyin’

…Someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dyin’.

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