3 Tricks Kids Play on Us
There are times in our lives as parents and caregivers when our kids amaze and astound us with their abilities to get what they want, or avoid doing what they don’t want to do. Actually, this type of creativity can be a sign of critical thinking, something that will serve them well in the future. For now, though, we must wade through these moments and find approaches to creatively parent around the kinds of tricks that kids of all ages try to play on us.
Limp Noodle
It is time to leave the park and your toddler doesn’t want to budge away from the slide, so you decide to help her move to the car and pick her up in your arms. She is instantly an enormously heavy limp noodle, hanging like iron Jell-O in your arms. Suddenly her 35 lb. frame feels more like 105 and you practically trip on her dangling feet. Do you drop her and run? No – but listen to what her limp body is telling you. She is letting you know in no uncertain terms that she really wants to stay and play, or perhaps she really doesn’t feel like grocery shopping (the next item on the agenda). If your child has mastered the art of the limp noodle, refrain from picking her up when it is time to leave someplace. Some other things to keep in mind for future departures include:
- Give a count down. You can say, “In 5 minutes it is time to leave.” Then stick with it every time.
- If your child is very young or has a hard time understanding what 5 minutes feels like, let her know that when a certain activity is over, it is time to cooperatively move to the van.
- Acknowledge that the activity is fun and reiterate how you can have fun next time.
- Ask your children question as you start to leave the activity. If their minds are focusing on new things they will be less likely to be frustrated that you put an end to the most amazing thing they have ever done.
Not Me
We have had an uninvited guest in our home on occasion. His name is Not Me. Who left their dirty socks on the floor? Not Me. Who drank the last of the milk and didn’t write it on the shopping list? Not Me. As parents we want our children to be accountable for their actions, but asking who did what isn’t always the best tactic. It immediately puts kids on the defensive as their minds race to what they might have done, or forgotten to do, and doesn’t really teach accountability. Try these approaches to kick Not Me out of your house.
- Don’t ask, “Who left the towel on the floor?” Instead, point out the issue of concern by saying, “There is a towel on the floor that shouldn’t be there. We have talked about the need to hang those up, so I need for that to be done.”
- Acknowledge when your kids hold themselves accountable, following through on tasks for which they are responsible. Reaffirming the good things is easier to do than trying to play detective and find out where Not Me is hiding.
Excuses, Excuses!
Some of my children, who shall remain nameless, have attempted to play the Excuses, Excuses! Game. You know the one… you give your child a task to do, they don’t do it, you hold them responsible for being irresponsible, and then they supply you with a list of reasons why X didn’t get done. At the top of that list might be:
- Bait and switch – “I was going to unload the dishwasher but then you called me into the other room to talk about what I need for practice.” Somehow it is now your fault they didn’t follow-through.
- Memory loss – “I have so much to do that I forgot.”
- Hearing loss – “I never heard you.” Or “You never said that I had to do it today.”
You can make the Excuses, Excuses! Game more evenly matched by trying the following tactics with your kids.
- Tell them up front that it isn’t about the reason why it didn’t happen, but that you want to know what their plans are for taking care of it.
- Give them a calendar and note pads for lists. You can talk with older kids and explain that they are responsible for the tasks on the list, and they need to add their own deadlines, meetings, and responsibilities to the schedule.
- When you talk with them about their responsibilities, don’t do it while their face is glued to the computer screen. Make sure that you have eye contact and ask them to repeat back to you what it is that you are asking of them.
As long as there are children, there will be tricks played to maneuver around rules and expectations. It is not necessarily the sign of a devious child, but one who has learned to play the system – our parenting system. If you find yourself up against some of these types of tricks, take a minute to review your responses to the tricks and make sure you aren’t playing right into the traps. Who knows, they might see you as their magician’s assistant, helping make sure the tricks are performed flawlessly each time.
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