How to Help Your Child Deal with Tragedy
The world was recently shocked by the mass killings of almost 100 people in Norway, many of those being gunned down at a youth camp by a 32 year old Norwegian citizen, Anders Behring Breivik. As devastating and painful as it might have been for us as adult world citizens to hear of this horror, these kinds of events can be extremely frightening for our children and difficult for them to comprehend. For parents, teachers, and influential people in the lives of children there are several things we need to do to help them deal with their emotions and process the events.
How can we help our children cope with a tragedy?
Age Appropriate Discussions: The first thing we must do is make sure our responses are age appropriate. For each age group and developmental stage our kids are in, there are different approaches we need to take when helping our kids deal with tragedy. Make sure you take time to protect the innocence of very young children who aren’t capable yet of even beginning to understand the tragedy, but don’t dismiss the feelings and questions or older kids because you don’t think they have heard about or seen information about the event. Kids are smart and pick up so much more than we think!
Reassurance and Calm: Take a few minutes to assess your own reactions to make sure they aren’t compounding the anxiety level for your kids. You are their stress gauge – if they see you extremely upset, they will more than likely go one step further. It is good to be honest with your own emotions, but make sure you are expressing them in healthy ways. Tragedies such as the one in Norway are painful on so many levels, but the fact that it occurred at a youth camp might make children more anxious. Reassure them about their own safety, and acknowledge their fears. Keep an open door on communications and watch for signs that your child is feeling overly stressed about the event.
Tangible Comforts: Some children who are feeling overwhelming emotions about the tragedy might benefit from tangible comforts, beyond reassuring words. If they want to be physically closer to you for the next few weeks, try to make that happen within reason. Maybe a couple of extra hours each week snuggled together reading books, playing games, or going for walks would be positive, shared experiences that offer comfort and help take their minds off of the tragedy. Some kids might be reassured if they can borrow your cell phone the next time they go away to a friend’s home so they can be in contact with you, or they would benefit from carrying a list of emergency phone numbers. Kids just want to be reassured that they will be able to be in touch with you whenever they need.
Proactive Actions: Anxiety due to tragedies can come from the feeling of helplessness that we all feel. Children can be especially vulnerable to these emotions, but we can help them take small actions that can ease their helpless feelings.
- Encourage them to journal about the event, perhaps sharing your own journal (most appropriate with older kids).
- Find a story of a hero from the tragedy and write him or her a thank you letter.
- Send sympathy and supportive cards to the families struck by the tragedy, or send them to the Ambassador from Norway.
- Pray together.
- Volunteer together somewhere meaningful for your child. Even if it is not directly related to the tragedy, spending time helping other people who need assistance is a great way to teach children about empathy and help them feel helpful instead of helpless.
We will most likely never come close to understanding what would make a man gun down innocent lives or plant a car bomb bent on destroying everything in its path, even if he claims it is for a just religious crusade. What we can do is make sure that our children know they are loved and protected. Tragedies like this don’t have to frighten our children away from the world. Use all of the pain to teach your child to be a loving, responsible, and contributing person in our world community.
Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/MIMExCTYaCM/