7 Lessons Our Kids Teach Us
Parenting isn’t about knowing everything and instilling overflowing amounts of wisdom upon our children, no matter how much we wish that to be the case. As prepared as we hope to be when we bring our little bundles of joy home, there is nothing that can prepare us for the lessons we will be taught about life through the eyes, lips, and actions of our kids.
- If we yell, they will learn to yell. We can’t really believe that we get to go around the house hollering and not expect them to do the same. Even when we are frustrated, or perhaps especially when we are frustrated, our yelling does not teach them how to understand the frustration we might be feeling with them. It only teaches them how to use their voice to try to gain control over a situation. If you’ve ever heard your child yell at a sibling or friend, can you hear your own voice inflection behind their own?
- We can’t gossip. Even when we think they aren’t listening, they are. If we sit in the living room and gossip with our partners about our co-workers or talk on the phone obsessing with a friend about not believing she wore that to the dinner party, we teach our children that gossip is OK. Sometimes the hardest way to learn that lesson is to hear your child repeat your gossip among others and hear the cruelty it brings from their lips. For adults gossiping seems to be the new version of bullying, because we push people’s feelings around with words.
- We have to follow through with commitments. If I tell my kids that I will attend their play, watch them in a curling bon spiel (hey – we live in the great north), or help them with homework, we have to do those things. If we don’t, we have little right to expect them to follow through on their commitments.
- We need to put family first. It starts with our children and making them priorities, but it also includes supporting extended family as well. These are the people we will have to lean upon during our lives, and who will in turn support our children. If we think our kids aren’t remembering to value family members, we need to think about how we are showing value ourselves.
- We have to take care of ourselves. It can be a really challenging thing for parents, I think in particular moms, to do. Placing importance on our own needs doesn’t mean we can’t put our kids and our partner as priorities. It just means that we love them enough to want to give them the best parent possible, and we can’t do that if we ignore our health check-ups, give up on personal hobbies, and forget how to reach for our own goals. Taking care of ourselves teaches our children how to be healthy people by eating well, exercising, and being emotionally healthy.
- We need to nurture our intimate relationships. This might sound like a strange thing to have on this list, but think about the last time your child saw you getting along really well with your partner. It probably made them smile to see you teasing each other, or they felt secure knowing that you were a team and working together. Providing this solid foundation not only helps your kids feel great during childhood, but it teaches them how to have respectful and nurturing relationships in the future.
- We need to accept defeat. This can be one of the toughest lessons our children can teach us. We want to be the strong, capable parents that they want us to be, but the truth is that we are all humans and we all make mistakes and experience failures. If we aren’t honest about these downfalls, we risk raising children who think they have to be perfect because their parents are (or seem to be). Letting our children see us as human and struggling teaches them how to acknowledge their own shortcomings and learn how to move on from there.
Our kids are the reasons why we strive to be better people. When we see something negative in our children, the first place we need to look is in the mirror. While we can’t blame every inappropriate behavior or negative action of our child on ourselves, we can take to hear the lessons our kids teach us about leading better lives. I for one am so glad I have my kids here around me to keep me in line!
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