I grew up in the era where just say no was the policy response taught to children about drug use, and I grew up in a culture and community where a “druggie” was considered the guy who skipped classes to smoke a cigarette across the street. Now I am raising children where drug use is an undertone in movies, drug abuse makes for common reality television programming, and there really is not a community safe from drug abuse anymore.
So, how does a mom who grew up in a time and place where parents didn’t really worry about drug use teach her kids to make responsible, safe choices? I admit that I came into this a little green. Fortunately I have been able to develop very open relationships with my children, and feel that our communication and participation levels are amazing (considering two are teenagers). However, I know that this can’t be a fool-proof safeguard, especially as they spread their wings more every day.
Recently I worked on a technical writing assignment for a production company that opened my eyes even more to the world our kids face, specifically with the dangers of drugs. I learned about typical kids, coming from typical families, who made one wrong turn – they just tried drugs. That wrong turn can mean all of the difference in the world. As parents we need to first educate ourselves, before we can lead our children. My education came in the form of a work assignment, but I was so touched by what I read and saw that I wanted to make sure that I shared it with other parents.
Parent Education
It starts with research and developing or relying on a parenting style that creates a harmonious and healthy family. Research does show that parents who are actively engaged in their children’s lives and use positive and nurturing approaches with their children are more likely to raise children who do not succumb to drug abuse. Parenting styles that are based on ideas of emotion coaching and parenting for success are really important for laying the groundwork needed for strong relationships with tweens and teens.
If kids don’t feel they can come to parents with stressful situations, bullying, peer issues, and health concerns, it is even more unlikely that they will feel they can come to parents about issues such as sex and drugs (those two big things that parents and kids seem to have the most difficulty discussing). By the same token, parents who are uninvolved and extremely permissive are at more risk of having children who are willing to experiment with drugs.
We can tell our kids – Don’t use drugs! – but that doesn’t really tell them what we mean by drugs, what drugs look like, how they affect a person, and how they affect lives. It also doesn’t acknowledge the truths about why kids experiment with drugs, and unfortunately, become addicted to them.
Why Do Kids Use Drugs?
There are no formal checklists of finite reasons why kids begin experimenting with drugs, but there are several risk factors that kids face, and it isn’t necessarily about what kind of neighborhood you live in or the schools your kids attend. The high that kids seek really comes in two parts. The first is the high of the risk-taking that we know teen’s brains often have difficulty processing. The second is the physical high that the brain and body experiences because of the drug. Unfortunately, for many addictive drugs, it only takes one time to train the brain to seek out a repeat high.
One parent who watched her child go through drug addiction spoke eloquently about the veracity of drugs. The drugs don’t care about the car she drives as a mom, the house the family lives in, the grades on the transcript, or the clothes that hang in the closet. The drug knows nothing different from the teen who lives in the modest two-story home when compared with the teen who lives in a neglected apartment building in an even more neglected part of town. We have to be so extremely careful not to lull ourselves into complacency as parents, and become truly aware of the risk factors for our kids that go beyond the neighborhoods.
Peer pressure – the more obvious and long-standing reason is still a factor. Kids who have friends who experiment with drugs are more likely to try drugs themselves.
Academic pressure – as kids are facing mounting academic pressures they are also learning that stimulants (such as speed) can make them feel like they have limitless energy to accomplish all of the tasks before them.
Family stress – including things like divorce, illness, job losses for parents, and more can all negatively affect children and sometimes increase the likelihood that they would take risks to relieve those pressures that make them feel helpless.
Health problems – including depression, but also things like sports injuries can turn kids to gateway drugs like prescription pain killers.
Puberty – the one factor you really can’t influence. Puberty means that kids are going through enormous physical, psychological, and hormonal changes. The immaturity of the brain functions sometimes simply do not support sound, responsible decision making in kids. Where drug use is concerned, sometimes one mistake is one mistake too many.
How Can I Talk with My Child About Substance Abuse?
There are a few conversations many parents feel at least slightly uncomfortable about having with their children. None of our kids are immune to the effects of drugs, or the pressures that might make them more likely to experiment with drugs.
In tomorrow’s post I’ll explore more on the following:
- What drugs do I need to worry about with my kids?
- How will substance abuse affect our family?
- How can I give my kids the tools they need to make safe, responsible choices?
Please join me in this important discussion – our kids need us to be involved and informed.
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