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I was recently at a party and I kept overhearing the conversations floating between a group of women – all commiserating with each other about how “boring” it would be to “just be” a stay-at-home mom. These women all work full-time outside of the home and all were agreeing that stay-at-home moms have too much time on their hands, not enough challenges, and just can’t be fulfilled. Those are fight’n words!

Stay-at-Home Moms Under Attack

This attitude has been reflected again and again, in the media, politics, and among women across the United States. Deborah Jacobs, in an article published at Forbes.com, attempts to defend moms who work at home by extolling the virtue of not judging by appearance. As a mom who works outside of the home, Jacobs repeatedly remarks in her article about how she fantasizes about the lives of stay-at-home moms who don elegant yogi attire – but then goes on to say that

“A lot of those moms may wish they were employed outside the home but can’t find a job, or can’t find one that would pay more than the childcare they would inevitably have to compensate someone else to perform. Or maybe they are in an abusive marriage with someone who controls them, won’t let them work, and belittles them if their body fat gets higher than that of a supermodel.”

Seriously? Her reasoning for not judging stay-at-home moms is because they might not be able to get any other type of job that pays enough for a babysitter or because their husbands are abusive and controlling? That’s the kind of defense stay-at-home moms can do without.

Why Moms Choose to Stay Home

I know I don’t live in a bubble. Of the many friends I have who stay home with their kids, I don’t know any who do so because they can’t get a better job or because their husbands won’t let them leave the cocoon of the home. Stay-at-home moms choose their job because

• They want to raise their children without outside help.
• They are fulfilled staying home with their children and actively planning and participating in every day.
• They consider the care of the home and family to be of significant value.
• They can’t imagine missing out on moments they can’t get back – 1^st steps, words, etc.
• They plan to pursue an outside career when their children are older and more independent.
• They want to homeschool their kids.
• It is their dream job.

Just because it is a dream doesn’t make it easy. Yes – there are financial and future considerations. But there are those no matter which job a parent takes. The parent who takes a lower-paying job so he can get to the after-school activities on time might risk his job and financial security. The working mom who spends more time at the office than at home might risk missing out on the little moments in her children’s lives.

Probably most challenging and frustrating for parents making decisions about work and family time are the judgments of others. In yet another article that degrades stay-at-home moms, Judith Warner claims that when women choose to stay at home,

“Their position of equality with their husbands is by necessity somewhat eroded. They lose the sense of strength that comes from knowing that, come what may, they can keep themselves and their children afloat economically. They lose intellectual stimulation (assuming that they were lucky enough to have it in their jobs anyway), the easy companionship and structure of the workplace, and recognition from the outside world. And if they don’t have the money to outsource domestic jobs, their freedom from paid work comes at the cost of repetitive thankless tasks — laundry, cleaning and the like — that test their patience and can chip away at their self-worth. The pleasure in this life of course is time with the children, but school-age kids leave a void that many find hard to meaningfully fill.
If women were truly choosing to be home full-time, I think there would probably be a whole lot less emphasis on the hard work involved in doing so and a lot more talk about the privilege that choice would then clearly be.”

The speculations of women who judge other women, such as Warner’s, only creates a larger divide among families. Those are the families who should be able to turn to each other within in communities, but when these types of judgments are passed that fellowship is thwarted.

For more than a decade I considered myself a stay-at-home mom (even though I occasionally did freelance work, I never quantified myself as a work-at-home mom until about 5 years ago). I chose that role. I was offered my supposed dream office job, and instead pursued my real dream job – Mom. And I never had too much time on my hands, felt I wasn’t challenged enough, or wasn’t fulfilled. Sure – stay-at-home moms some days probably wish they just have an office in which to escape for a few tantrum-free hours, a paycheck for all of the work that they do, and respect for the value and commitment they place on their family.

Women – for all of their love, compassion, and strength – are the harshest judges, the coldest critics, and the cruelest when it comes to other women. Perhaps what women need is to take turns doing all jobs – stay-at-home mom, working mom, work-at-home moms – and then settle down and let each other choose what works best in their own unique families. I’ve done all three – and I know where I am happiest, best for my family, and comfortable as myself. I won’t tell you what is best for your family if you don’t proceed to assume I’m bored, unfulfilled, or unhappy with mine. Let’s get back some respect, fellow moms.

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/QhraFE44Xbc/

Tooth Care for Tots and Beyond

Tags: behavior charts, chore charts, dental health, dentist, toothbrushing

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I feel like I have just won the lottery when I emerge from the dentist’s office, four kids in tow, and zero cavities on the charts. That is approximately 96 teeth in all (we are somewhere between full adult sets and still working on primary sets). And between those teeth, those children, and all of those years of teeth brushing I realized that totals more than 35,000 times the kids have brushed their teeth (hopefully). I should have bought stock in Colgate. But how is it that something as necessary and basic (and really not time consuming) as brushing teeth can be such a challenge for parents and kids?

Does My Baby Need a Toothbrush?

Yes – but not toothpaste (that can wait until age 2). No one expects a 9-month-old to scrub and rinse effectively, but starting dental care early is essential. The first toothbrush your baby can actually use is a wet washcloth – use it to gently rub your baby’s teeth and gums. I would get a wet, cold washcloth and gently swipe my child’s teeth and gums, then let her take over for a few minutes. If you want something more than a washcloth – especially if your child gets lots of teeth early on – there are a few products designed for the younger crowd.

Finger toothbrush – You place the finger toothbrush (usually made of silicone) over your finger tip and use it to gently massage your baby’s gums and tiny teeth. It can help promote healthy teeth, but I never found it more helpful than a wet washcloth. Also watch out for those biting babies – sticking your finger in a teething child’s mouth isn’t always a safe bet.

Baby brushes – By the time my first child turned 1 she had several teeth and wanted to brush her teeth by herself. A sturdy, larger brush like this one can give your baby the benefits of tooth brushing and is easier for her to grasp. Just watch teething babies who like to chew, chew, chew – those bristles are not made to withstand that much gnawing.

How Can I Teach My Toddler to Brush His Teeth?

For the most part, toddlers don’t like being told how to do anything, but there are a few easy ways to let them convince themselves of how to take care of their teeth.

Brush your teeth in front of them. When my kids were much younger I always made it a point to brush my teeth with the bathroom door open and the kids at my heels. Setting a good example is rarely a bad thing.

Don’t threaten him with the terrors of tooth decay. While the scare tactic of “If you don’t brush your teeth will rot and the dentist will have to pull them” might get him to run to the bathroom and brush his teeth, it also might set him up for a fear of the dentist’s chair.

Use a behavior chart. Tooth brushing is just one of those things that needs to develop into a habit, and habits are created over time through consistent behaviors. This doesn’t mean we as parents need to consistently remind our kids to brush their teeth. Instead, use a chart like the ones below to get your child into the habit.

• Tooth fairy chart
• Clean Teeth Chart
• More charts

Dental Care for Kids

Healthy teeth and gums require more than good brushing. Here are a few other tips I learned along the way that have saved time, energy, and mouth pain for my kids.

• Don’t put sugary drinks in bottles and sippy cups. These can promote early tooth decay.
• Take your child for her first visit to the dentist when she has her first few teeth, but find a dentist who is gentle and patient.
• Get your child hand held flossing picks. They are much easier for kids to use than wrapping dental floss around their fingers, and they are just as effective.
• Talk with your kids about the effects of sticky, sweet foods on their teeth, and the importance of brushing right after those special treats.
• Give your child some choices. This starts when you let them pick their own toothbrush and paste, and moves right through to that first orthodontist appointment. We have one child (so far…) who will benefit from braces, but we are letting him choose when he is ready for that step. He is the one who will have to change some of his eating habits to accommodate the braces, brush even more diligently than before, and put up with the orthodontist visits and the apparatus in his mouth. I guess I just have to put up with the bill!

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/BetterParenting/~3/DWN2dRktOqE/