Don’t Watch Scary Movies with Your Kids
A shiver goes up your spine as you recall the scary scene from that movie – and you can’t imagine letting your child watch anything remotely frightening, especially without you filtering every frightening connotation. Scary movies will cause nightmares, phobias, and the unrelenting need to be attached to a parent’s side – right? Research actually shows that despite all of our best intentioned efforts to support and protect our children, we can actually contribute to their fears simply by being with them. In a study published in Child: Care, Health and Development, researchers and authors were surprised themselves to find that parents who attempt to comfort and protect their children by watching scary movies with them and talking about the programs actually exacerbate the problem.
The research did show that television shows and movies can frighten children. This probably doesn’t surprise most parents. However, the results also showed that these children were more than three times as likely to be scared if they discussed the shows or movies with their parents. If parents dared to watch the programming with their children, the children were four times as likely to be frightened of the content. Apparently all of our good intentions to be there and support our kids can actually backfire. Our little munchkins are so in tune with our emotions that the smallest flinch or subtle reaction by us, the ever-loving parent, raises their fear levels.
Does all of this mean we just let our kids watch anything, do anything, that might be frightening, without our presence? No – researchers say that we need to alter our interactions with our kids. We need to equip them with better ways to handle their fears. It is more important to give them the tools to be brave than to comfort them when they are scared. As difficult as it can be, we need to not coddle and over-protect. The real world is full of scary things. The best thing we can do for our kids is to help them learn how to deal with those scary things on their own.
Let older kids watch scary movies without holding their hands. Beyond the age of about 7, kids are able to start to discern real from fantasy, and can compartmentalize more effectively. This doesn’t mean that your 2nd grader can watch horror shows and not be affected. It means that when we are choosing programming with our children and we might be inclined to think that our 2nd grader will be frightened by Where the Wild Things Are, we need to reconsider. Scary shows don’t necessarily create phobias. Not having the skills to deal with the fears can.
If your child is fearful and running into your room every night, don’t automatically let her snuggle in your bed as you smooth her hair and her fears. She might have watched a show on spiders with you that left both of you with creepy, crawly skin, so you think that you are empathizing with her. What you are actually doing is reinforcing her fears. Instead, acknowledge that she is afraid and ask her how she can be braver. Start with one night sleeping alone, perhaps with a night light. Give your kids the tools to be brave on their own.
Don’t make light of their fears and turn them into a joke. It won’t help your children to belittle their fears and won’t give them the tools they need for bravery. Dismissing the fears of children only reinforces to them that you won’t take their worries seriously, and that could set your relationship up for serious issues in the future.
As Halloween is approaching and my children are caught up in the spooky fun of haunted trails and scary movies I will try to refrain from holding their hands as we crunch through the haunted corn maze. I will make every attempt to let them experience some frightening fun, on their own, as I save my flinches and shrieks for date night scary-movie-watching with my husband.
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