Is Your Child’s Coach a Bad Influence?

Is Your Child’s Coach a Bad Influence?


Whether your children are athletes or musicians, their coaches play extremely important roles in their participation of the activity and beyond. Researchers have identified that coaches have such overwhelming influences on children that they can either be the positive catalysts who encourage and assist those children in reaching goals or can be destructive powers who reduce our children’s passions and energies for once loved endeavors. While most of our kids probably fall somewhere in between these two extremes when it comes to their experiences with their coaches, there are several things parents can do to make sure that their children are getting the most out of their extracurricular activities.

  1. Meet the coaches. Know who is spending hours each week with your children and ask them what their plans are for the year, their methods, and their experiences.
  2. Regularly check in with your kids and ask them about the coaching approaches being used, the words being spoken, and the reactions of the others on the team.
  3. Don’t be afraid to stop in unannounced at practice and see the coaches in action. Understanding the methods of the coaches will help you understand the actions on the field and the reactions from the participants.
  4. If you hear something that makes you uncomfortable, talk with school administrators or other leaders. If more than one parent voices a concern sometimes there is more attention paid to the situation – be the ball that gets rolling.
  5. Don’t discuss your frustrations or concerns with the coach in front of your child or other teammates. Keep your cool and respect for the coach.
  6. Remember that most school coaches and community education coaches are underpaid, if paid at all, and their time is their gift to the team. If you feel you have what it takes to coach, be sure to volunteer at the beginning of the season.
  7. Remind your children to respect the coaches and their plans. This doesn’t mean that your child has to give carte blanche to the coach, but should attentive, participatory, and willing to work hard for the team or the activity.

The Power of Coaches

Not all coaches are created equal, so when you choose your child’s activity you need to ask questions about how the coaches are chosen, what type of training they received, and what types of expectations there will be for the children. Children are extremely vulnerable and impressionable and coaches are in positions of authority and influence. I recently heard from parents whose children were being coached by a woman who discussed her personal intimate relationships with her high school athletes. Unfortunately, coaches do not always receive the type of training that would teach (for those who somehow missed the appropriate button) how to be a good role model and positive influence.

Research shows that most coaches of public youth sports have limited athletic experiences in the sport actually being coached, and are rarely given training on the rules, techniques, and necessary guidelines for the sport. What we are sometimes left with are coaches who are in charge of controlling chaos more than actually positively influencing the strength of the sport. In one community education program where our family used to participate, the coaches were almost entirely high school students who used the field time as social time, keeping the kids corralled, but doing little to actually build their skills.

If you are going to make the commitment, both financially and with your time, to take your children to participate in extra activities, take a few minutes more to assess the program and coaches involved. If your child is ready for more than social time on the field, you may want to consider programs that are not school or community based. Usually the fees are a little larger, but the time commitment is generally the same and the payout is much higher in skills learned.

Coaches can be powerful people in your children’s lives. Researchers Amorose Weiss, 1998, claim that coaches can be some of the most significant sources for childhood development. They help youth form their self-perceptions and the feedback they give are prime resources for how children evaluate their own abilities and achievements. Through all of this, coaches are closely tied to the emotional and psychological development that our children go through, often at the ages when this development is at its highest. Given the high importance that coaches have in the lives of our children it is imperitive that we make sure these people of influence are helping us to raise successful, capable, and compassionate individuals. Put yourself on the coaches’ teams and help them make a difference for your kids.

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